F**K YOU!

I just got sick of it! I started to blog about this situation September 17, 2010. It started on MySpace then went on to BlogSpot. I got tired of my second ex-husband sending people over, trying to get me to go out. So he could pop up and be around me. I don’t think so. He's been playing these games since 2004. His brother played a BIG part in it too.  He about drove me nuts. What he needs to do is lay low maybe just maybe he will go to jail. This time he will stay there for good. He can’t keep out of trouble that is an understatement. As for my second ex-husband, his wife knows all about his infidelities don’t let that fool ya! She has caught him and knows about the numbers, he is a whore, end of story. I am just telling the truth, I have been all along. It’s all in my blogs straight into the archive. I didn’t blog about these occurrences for my health. I blogged about these occurrences because I could not get NO damn help in Arkansas, some women want to put up with mental abuse and physical abuse. I have had my fair share of it. She might like it, not me, just saying. I will publish this book it’s all on a fictional level and most people don’t want to hear truth but I feel oh so better writing it and I can’t wait to start on my second book. That was will be a dandy because I will not be sugar coating my childhood hell to the no I will not.

I got to jot down what I have bought for my daughter since I am a bad mom and all.

1)    Homecoming 2010 (my daughter) dress, shoes, accessories, hair, nails and all that goes with it. $250.00 who paid for it? Me and my Mom

2)   Class Ring (My daughter) $510.00 who paid for it? Me

3)   Prom 2012 (my daughter) dress and shoes accessories $150.00. Who paid for it? Me Her dad hair and nails.

4)   Homecoming 2012 (My Son) $375.00. Who paid for it? Me and my Mom

5)   Senior Pictures (My Daughter) $200.00. Who paid for it me? Me

6)   Senior package (My daughter) $350.00. Who paid for that? My mom

7)   Senior annual announcement (my daughter) $175.00. Who paid for it? Me

Where was her dad in this part? Oh wait her hair and nails, my bad. Before someone says that I am a piece of shit mom better think about it. I can’t get ahead here. But I will go up and beyond to make sure my kids have what they need.

 My book will be a blessing to me and my 3 favorite people in this world; I am the disturbed one and the crazy one. I think I am doing just fine I must have to say. I just don’t let anyone walk all over me that’s all! Thank God for my Social sites over the years it sure has helped me out. This state plays a big part of “psychosis” all in your head bullshit. What a fucking joke. I know I have been beat to the ground, I can’t get ahead to save my life here. However I will make sure my kids have what they need. I bet your sweet ass on that. There is nothing wrong with me; I have zero tolerance to mental abuse and control. I stand my ground that makes me a crazy bitch so fucking be it. Majority of these motherfuckers can kiss my ass! I am stoked about my second book; I can’t wait to start on it. I am totally excited about it. My mom just gave me her car because mine was going to lay down and die on me at any given time. I can’t get a new car with what’s going on in my life at the moment. I live in the real world that is not possible. Yup, I can’t wait to launch my book and the others that fall behind it. I can’t get a degree but I am able to publish a book and become a published author. You gotta love Arkansas!!!

My BOOK!

My sweet sweet book! Either that book made me or it broke me. I think that I am stronger now that I have ever been in my life. Even though I had to put it in a fictional world needless to say for all kinds of numerous reasons, however I am proud of what I have written into form. I am glad that I am doing these books. If I got through the first one I will be able to get through the rest of them I am sure of that.

What I have been through I need some kind of break. I have been through fucking hell and I did not realize that until I went back in time and seen this at a different angle and it was shocking to me. I had to unlock doors that I had pad locks on and I did not have any intention of opening those doors again. I will admit it, I had a meltdown and it was a bad one. I had a headache for several days and I cried so much. I guess I need that kind of release. I cried more than I have in a long time. I just did not want anyone see that side of me. I went through a lot. I just can’t wait to publish this book but in the meantime I have heavy duty editing and get my ending right. I am a perfectionist you know how that goes. I had to go back into time but I made it through.

 I have the BEST editor in the world and she will guide me to where I need to go. She has been a rock through all of this and I will have an appreciation page just for her. I want other people to use her, her work is phenomenal, and I recommend her all the way. She rocks.

In January I will send off my manuscript and I will get this rolling. My praying has gone up and beyond the limits. God hasn’t got a problem with me doing this, I assure you that much. God is good, no need to say anymore because I know and he knows too.

I will get on the Dr Phil show NO ands ifs or buts about it. My first copy that I get will go directly to him. That is a promise I can keep. This book will help out my struggles as well as my family. I am keeping a positive note and no one can bring me down. I have been down way to long and this book has risen me up out of my slump. I needed that in worst kind of way. Writing is like soup to the soul.

I made a strong dedication to this; I shut my social life down. Only time I went out when I had the kids. Tina Time was out the door for the time being. I meant what I said. Strong pure dedication and I was told it would favor for me in the long run. Good things happen to good people when they work hard towards a goal. I have worked hard on this and the first time in my life I am pleased with myself, I hated myself for a long time now. Feeling like that means the world to me. My next book is playing in motion as well I can’t wait to start on that one. It will be a challenge however I am up for it just saying. Gotta love my twisted life.

Anger Issues

As I am writing this book, I am dealing with anger issues I mean on a serious level.  I just think back, why I did I have to go through that level of torment and disgust? I really don’t think I will get a straight answer not in this lifetime anyways. I am just so angered. I think I could drop kick some of these cops and informants in their fucking head. It is so sad that I feel this away but I do. I am pulling some really fucked up moments out that happened to me along this journey of hell. I am like really, did I really go through that? I have never in my life felt this kind of frustration like I do. I should have done this book in 2010. I am feeling better as I write this book though. This is one hell of a testimonial on a fictional level. It is what it is. I think if I make the Dr Phil my emotions are going to be off the charts. I am very angered about this situation. So many people that I know they want me on that show.

Yeah, my car is in the shop as I type this, my theory, my car has 173,000 miles it’s old and run down and things are going to happen. I got to keep my car as long as I can while I am doing these books. My friend’s theory, someone done something to it, I highly doubt it but if that was the case. Anything that goes on around me will eventually be brought to light. OK, I have a Blog out and me fighting for my rights to be left alone. Anything is possible. I am NOT going to worry about it. They can set it on fire. Whatever….. It will be brought to surface in the long run. I am NOT going to stop my book. These bastards have ruined my life and its payback time.

If I sell 10 million books that will be 10 million people all around the world that will know what I have been through. I am NOT worried about the money I am worried about Dr Phil, as I was told, your book is Dr Phil material with lots of psychological trauma to one person. I know what I have to do when I get towards the end of the book and that will be the hardest thing for me to do. I know I have to do it even if I don’t get a reason why this had to happen to me. Hey, least I have the balls to put this in a story form and get it out there one way or another. The second book will be another killer for me but I know I got to do it. I will start on that soon. I am going to need lots of strength to carry me through this period of time in my writing that is for sure.

 Yes, I will be in touch with a self-publisher. Yes, I will spend what I need to spend to get the book published. Yes, I will be getting a second job. No, IDGAF I am strong enough to do this and strong enough to get it done. In the end it will be worth it on a mental status that is. 

Let's Hope that my Third year of Blogging, is about Love & Sh*t, Fingers Crossed

I know I stated that I wouldn’t write another blog for a while. However I wanted to jot some stuff down since this is actually my 2 year anniversary date of blogging about my occurrences in this county. I remember every time I blogged how it was quite then all of a sudden all hell broke loose. I know the ones that I am having problems with are on my Twitter, BlogSpot, or Instagram even though I have my Instagram on private. I still have my little informants. But it’s all good. One thing about it, it is all quite now. I am so serious about this book and my other two books. I have never in my life felt such a sweet release of emotions of all kinds.

I have had my head crammed on the floor for many years. I had fight to free myself that is an understatement. As I write this first book, I remember how the cops and informants stalked me to no end. I remember that I was so scared and worn out that I eventually was run out of the county. Because I would NOT obey the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ I remember I had to sell all my stuff and relocate and lost some years because of these punk ass bastards. I remember once I was moved and I had to come back to visit. I remember these cops were on my trail hot and heavy as soon as I drove into the county. The informants were watching every move I made as well. I remember all the torture that I had to go through just to visit. I couldn't live in a place like that. 

 I have been through so much stuff people just don’t realize what it has done to me emotionally, physically and mentally. Then they all tried to make me out like I was the crazy one. Well, there will be a day that I will make the Dr Phil show; I bet your sweet ass on that. When I do talk about this on a national level all hell will break loose. As I type this down for my book my emotions are running wild because I am still hurting from what had happen to me. Can you imagine when I talk about it; my emotions are going to be out of this world. That is what I want; I want these assholes to hang their head down in shame for putting me through this for many many years. All because I did not want anything to do with my second ex-husband, how pathetic and ridiculous is that?

The one person that was suppose to protect me in life, I had to write him off as well because he had his hands dirty in this county and he could not even help me out either when I needed him the most. The nightmare I was living and he could not do anything about it how sad and pathetic is that? I had to move and lose stuff over and over again throughout the years. That’s ok; it’s going to bring my second book into motion. I am going to lay it all out there too. I am nearly 40 years old, 40 years of hell as I see it. I be damned if I will go through another 40 years of fucking hell because I did not play by the goddamn rules.

As I do this book it seems that this darkness that I live in is slowly turning into color. I am taking a beating with this book, however I am feeling better and stronger and I will knock every one of my books out the ball park. I was told by a lawyer if I play my cards right, my books could be, book to movie. There is potential there IF it is done right. I can believe that too!  I am all about Dr Phil, I want others on Dr Phil as well, and I want to see Victoria and Elane on the Dr Phil show. They lost their sons through the corruption in this county.  There are other people not just them. This is the (shhhhh) county, I am like hell to the No! Let’s talk about it.

As I type I get so upset at times, I am beside myself. There was no excuse for me to go through what I went through. None what-so-ever! However the pain that I have been dealing with is slowly but surely going away, I know the next 40 years of my life will not be like my last 40 years I promise you that much. I will take this pain and turn it into something beautiful and more promising than what these controlling bastards had for me. I will come out strong and hold my own. This county has a rude awakening. This is 2012 not the 1950’s people are a lot smarter and wiser needless to say. Like myself I took it to the internet. If I can’t get anything done here in Arkansas, I will get it done on the World Wide Web. Thank God for the World Wide Web. My Twitter is growing and it will continue to grow. By February or March when, when I launch my book, I will have great amount of people and most will help me spread the word and help me with my book that is for sure.

 I am on a mission and I will accomplish what I am aiming for. Some people you just don’t fuck with and I am one of them. I don’t do anything wrong. I stay off to myself. I rather have it that way. Plus my social life is on the hold because of these books. I thank God for sending me an editor that is a writer and she is a book seller too. I am going through her publishing company. I will reward her like no other; I admire her for helping me. I needed that back-bone of help. To be honest I don’t know how to write a book but she will be showing me the way to write. I know I will have a good 65,000 words and I love that so much. As I cleanse myself with writing and now they are hiding. However they can’t hide forever. As for me, the truth shall set me free. I have NO shame in my game.

I have lost from where I live to my education even my pay checks.That is OK though, I will get that back eventually. This time these sons of bitches will NOT take that away from me again. One thing I can say, I am a very grateful, thankful person and I appreciate everything that comes my way and I will never ever forget the ones that helped me along the way that is a promise I can make. I will pay them back. I love writing and these books are going to be such a blessing to me and my children.

This is my motto: Turn your wounds into wisdom & a great mess into greatness.

From MySpace to BlogSpot 9-17-10 to 9-17-12

In 16 days it will be 2 years that I have been blogging about my occurrences. Man, I wish I could have had BlogSpot the whole time, now that would be an interesting read right there for sure. However, I am grateful for what I have, I could have nothing. I had a person to ask me a question and I had my answer waiting for them. I am going to get straight to the point. Writing a book (all about money) money money money money. I am glad I was asked in person about this, all I could do was laugh. Ummmm, I was born poor so it looks like at my age I will die poor. To be honest, IDGAF about the money, I am all about Dr Phil, hell and high-water I will get there. Talking to a lawyer, I know what I can or can’t do. I know I could never ever get to use the REAL names however I love my fictitious names, just saying. I am proud that I am using some of the real places though. This mountain is going to come to life once again I bet your sweet ass on that.

Yes, I have shut my social life down totally at least for a few months. I am that dedicated to this project. My Tina weekend was last of June it will be November or December before I can have another one. I will need it by then I can promise you that much. I am taking my time with the book I need too. Half of it will be going to an editor in a few days. I am so excited about that! I wanted this book to be published in January but I know that will not happen. It will be either February or March. I don’t know for sure which one yet. My second book will be at the end of the year around October or November. I have an awesome editor she was like a godsend for real. It’s like the man up above sent her to me. I believe that whole-heartily.

I have started to pray again and I was really having a hard time with some things in life and writing this book. I felt like I was going to die at any minute. As I started to pray it seems like everything was getting lifted off my chest, like my burdens was not suffocating me that much anymore. I know now, I am supposed to do this book; it was brought to my attention very clearly. I have 3 of them to do and it will most likely be early part of 2014 to launch the last book. These books are a killer to write but it is making me into a better person; in the long-run my testimonial will help others as well. I just know it will. I hate that I had to put it in a fiction level but I don’t need law suits. But I am coming to terms with it. One thing that is certain now, I pray every chance I get and it feels so great having someone there for me. People just don’t realize how alone I felt over the years. This is a very hard thing to do, but I am healing in the process needless to say. Until next time, my next blog will be done right after I get my book finished. That blog will be the blog of all blogs! I promise.

Re-Defining TINA

Redefining Tina, since I have been working on my book for the last month or so, I have been soul searching and exploring new grounds within myself. This has been an awkward time for me since 2004 putting up with years of bullshit and the disregard of heartless bastards. However I pushed through the trying times of my life, I just thought that it would not end. Just like a forever endless nightmare no hope for Tina. Then here comes my blog to save my life. I love writing and letting my feelings flow throughout the World Wide Web, the internet is a blessing in disguise I do believe. Millions and millions of people have it and that leads into thousands of hits on my blog, I think it’s lovely and satisfying to the point it quenches my thirst.

They just thought they were fucking with a stupid woman that did not know her ass from a hole in a ground. I am a lot smarter and wiser than the fucktards in this county, I promise you that much. Nope I am not fucked-up at all saying it, it’s the truth. I guess ‘cutting of the trees’ done me in, them being on my property in April 2012. I thought to myself, if they got that bid in and came done the job. I guess I would have been on an episode of ‘Snapped’ 3 ‘hot’s’ and a ‘cot’ and ‘lethal injection’ would have been my future. I am glad that didn’t happen, to tell you the truth about it. Enough is enough and you are at your wits end, a person is capable of doing anything when they snap. They did not understand the phrase ‘leave me alone’ I fought hard and fought like a motherfucker over the years. Yes, it nearly killed me but I stood my ground and went on about my business.

My life is one fucked up disaster, I can’t wait to do an interview and actually talk about it. Some have told me in the past, if I ever get on the media circle like Dr Phil, this county is in for it. It would be like putting nails in the coffin. When you pave the way for other people to speak up, that’s all she wrote for this county. It’s a done deal. Most can’t wait, I told them, and I can’t wait for it either. However I am still intact, fierce and strong-willed. I also have my DILLIGAF face-on. All do in respect IDGAF. There are parts in my life that are pretty much shitty and there are parts in my life that I am so freakin’ grateful and thankful, I could go to a mountain top and yell to the top of my lungs, say how ‘thankful’ and ‘grateful’ that I am. Not many out there have that fall back support system. When my feet hit the floor I am giving thanks. There are parts of my life still crashing on my head, I get a migraine from it, but what can I do. I have to take it one day at a time.

I have written people out of my life and I have gain people in my life. I have fallen in love; however that is a stand-still situation. I have to redefine myself before I think about love. From 30 as of right now of the good ole age of 38, I have changed so much, my ‘All American Nightmare’ that I have endured for many many years. It has shaped me into one hell of a woman and I have high standards and ‘love’ well time will tell and I will NOT chase, it could be another ‘All American Nightmare’ hells bells I don’t need that.  I will slowly let that one land on my lap in time if it does. Coming out of a situation that I came out of you get sharp as a tact. I have zero tolerance. I will NOT put up with bullshit. Now-a-days I am a loner; I get out from time to time and have my Tina weekend, to release the stress. Just don’t play mind-games with me, I will eat you up and spit you out and not even blink an eye when I am doing it. I should have been a cop, I would have made a good one. I don’t like the Criminal Justice System nor the Medical Field. I enjoy writing. Not in a million years I would have thought this, but I am glad I am the way I am. I am a good person, I just don’t put up with no nonsense, that’s all. I have two teen-age kids that I am trying to raise and make sure they don’t turn into their parents. These are good kids; they just need the right direction and motivations to get the hell up out of the Ass End of the World, Arkansas make something of themselves.

I will be taking a break from blogging, I have to get my book to the editor soon and I have to two companies that I have to decide on for my self-publishing adventure. I am so proud of myself doing this and having the balls to put it in a fiction book since I can't put the real names out there. Oh well, at least this will be great therapy and I am starting to feel better with my life. Years of hell can really warp your mind. I have to stand tall and stand strong, push my way through it. Get tough or die, brutal honesty right there.

One the note, I do NOT have any problems what so ever anymore. The cops don't stay across the road if I see any they stay away from me. I don't break the law so therefore they need to stay the hell back. The informants get the hell out of dodge when they see me. I don't have time for their bullshit either. When I say leave me the hell alone, leave me the hell alone. I will blog about it and not have one regret doing so. So that is that.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade =)

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I love that quote, because it relates to my life so much. I have had more than 20 years of lemons. One mistake after another right along with controlling issues in my life, I guess I was the one of the fortune ones (insert sarcasm). However through my life path that my cards have choosen for me, I have learned so many things and most were WTF moments to be exact. I learned NOT to do it again. So I thought that I would do a series of books. My plans are 3 but who knows, I love writing and letting my feelings flow. I was talking to my editor. She brought something to my attention, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” my lemonade would be my books. When she told me that, I started to cry and looked at her with astonishment. She nailed that one plus I never thought of it that way. I have a unique tale (very harsh) with the reality of corruption in a small town but I will be brutally honest throughout my writing in my books.

 I had a chance to talk to a lawyer a friend of a friend situation. My friend, she was so intrigue with my blogs. She knew I could not use real names so therefore she wanted to know about my hometown name. I told her where it took place and she looked it up on Google. She was surprised and speechless needless to say. So, she done some digging and what she found out was quite interesting. Her lawyer friend told me what to do and he did not charge me either lol I have pretty much scraped my first notes of my book. I am going about this a different direction and I am going to bring this famous mountain at one time through a song back on the map. I will be bringing it through a book instead of music. Then I talked to my editor and she done a similar book and use the same real places but changed the names. Real names will get you in trouble but I want to draw my readers in by placing actual places where it can be researched and understood by different people around the world. I have a dead-line but I know I will make it. Now I feel somewhat complete and I can shake this book like no other. There has been another book done in this county though. That was back in the day.

 This mountain has history and tons of it and it’s not good for the most part but the other I could say maybe because of this one loving man that I got the chance to know. May he RIP because he lived many, many years and told many, many tales throughout his stay on that mountain. I am going to enjoy this and I can’t wait to get it done. Let the good-times roll in the near future. The truth shall set me free!

Dear Baby Daddy

Our children are almost grown hopefully they will be on their own someday, fingers and toes crossed. I thought I would do this particular blog for a particular reason I must have to say. Now do you really, truly, positively want our children to grow up like us? Hmmmm, hell to the NO not on my part! I think looking back over the years, what the f**K was I thinking when I got hooked up with you? But, I have to thank you for giving me the two most precious people in this world though. Our daughter and our son are the most well behaved kids and thoughtful, I can’t forget courteous. I think how in the hell did these kids come out the way they came out with the life they have had to live. It is shear amazement; I tilt, shake, and scratch my head on a daily basis because these kids ROCK! Now why would you want to control them and keep them from doing what they need to do in this world to survive? How about helping them spread their wings and fly for a better way of living in this world. I was controlled for most of my life damn near all of it. I got rid of that problem last year and I don’t regret it one bit. My life is getting better imagine that. Now keeping the kids from experiencing things is totally wrong on your part. I give my kids freedom when they are with me. I just tell them DO NOT become like me or your dad you guys will do fine. I want them to do so much better than us. I get excited of the thought they would achieve high greatness of the situation that they are coming out of, these kids are grown and not babies anymore. What I think you should do (baby daddy) you need to pull your head out your ass and make sure these kids get a college degree and make something of themselves and NOT be like us. I am getting out of this bullshit abyss that I am in, since 1990, well really 1988 to be exact. I know where you will be at. When your parents die off, you will be set for life. I guess waiting until death is your thing but for me I am off and running after our son graduates. It’s NEVER too late to achieve high greatness that is what I will do. You need to give this a thought and quit over controlling these kids like you do. Freedom is the key word for the adult children that we have and they will be grown soon. Time does NOT stand still. Living in the South has nearly driven me nuts, but the East Coast is around the corner for me, thank goodness!

An Activist/Advocate

An activist role is a hard job when you are trying to get the word out about the filth and corruption of a small town. I have had some to tell me that I am hitting a nerve with some people and the law enforcement in this county. I told them you don’t know what hitting a nerve is until you talk to family and friends of the murdered victims because of the fowl cover-ups and malice. Talking about hitting a nerve with me needless to say! Then I have people to thank me for being the voice for the dead. That right there means a lot to me it really does. I don’t give a f*ck what they said about me, to the ones that I am hitting a nerve with. They didn’t give a f*ck about me and my feelings, nor my emotions. When they came down hard on me with stalking, slandering and bullying! They did not care that my nerves were so bad that I was breaking out in hives and my hair was falling out by the hand full. I just couldn’t take it anymore I had to sell everything I own, to move out the county because I did not obey the ‘good ole boy system’ these mother*ckers tell me I have hit a nerve with them. Plus when I got to Little Rock it was so hard on me but I done the best I could and went on about my business. Then my world came tumbling down and I had to move back in 2010. Then from May 2010 to September 2010 it was so hard living where I was living because of the slander, stalking and bullying from these so called fktards. Then I had a bright idea came over me, the internet baby let’s get the word out and that is what I did! I don’t regret one minute of it. All I ever wanted was a normal life however that was not how life unfolded for me. I should have gotten my ass out of Arkansas in 1993. I had a chance but let it pass me by, what a mistake that was. So therefore I have been stuck in an abyss for nearly 20 years. I have been through it and I am one tough woman. I should have cut ties with certain individuals’ long time ago. However I didn’t. Being drug through hell over and over again, it’s starting to shape me into a hardcore activist and I love every minute of it. However I am getting over my pain. I love writing it's helping me out. However I will not quit blogging nor writing books. If that is going to help me out mentally and spiritually, so be it. I will continue doing so and living my life the way I want too, not how others want me to perceive it, just saying.

Happy Birthday to MY Son

My son turns 15 today. OMG ~ the time has gone by so fast. He was born prematurely however you can’t tell that now, not by a long-shot. He had to stay at the Arkansas Children’s Hospital for a few days. He was born a ‘little’ runt and now is he is nearly 6’2 and 200 pounds. I know one thing he is a fine young man. He is smart and has a sense of humor and he is so freaking hilarious. If you’re having a bad day, he will snap you out of it that is a promise. I am so proud of him. Just like his sister they haven't had that life with a silver spoon in their mouth. I think that is a good thing. His intelligence is off the chart and it’s astonishing needless to say. To me, my son is like a ‘Big Ole Teddy Bear’ he is so lovable. Like I have been telling his sister I have been telling him too. They both can break the cycle and not take the same steps as me and their dad did. I really don’t want him to be like his dad anyways. His dad has financial problems hell of a lot worse than mine plus other things are going on with him too. That worries me. My son is smart and he is told that all the time. I push him and his sister they can do so much better than their parents. I got stuck in a cycle of hell however they will not be stuck in the bullshit cycle that I am in now. I will go up and beyond for my kids even if I have to stop my dreams, to make sure they are guided in the right direction. I want them up and out of here. This county is a ‘black hole’ when you get stuck in the cycle of lost dreams, it’s so hard to get out and overcome it. I know all about it. Both of my kids have their head on their shoulders and I am extremely grateful and thankful for that, seriously. I am blessed to have a good son like I do. He is respectful and obedient that right there is hard to find in kids today. I think a hard life makes a good future, that’s how I feel anyways. With a little guidance my son will do just fine. I love both of my kids so much. If there is a will there is a way that is how I see it at the moment. In today’s time guidance is what kids need and lots of it. I live right in ‘meth’ alley, hell and high-water I will make sure they are NOT around that crap by all means. I love my son, brutal honesty goes a long way when you talk to your kids, I don’t sugar-coat anything. When you talk to your kids tell the truth and how life really is they will respect you in the long-run. Shhhhh will not cut it me. IDGAF if I live in the South. I am blunt and straight-forward and I don’t think I will be changing anytime soon. Both of my kids, ROCK! I love them so much!

The Island =)

To me I think the Criminal Justice System is for the criminals and that is the God honest truth. Some of my friends and I were talking here while back. It was brought to my attention and some of them had pretty good ideas. All these islands that are empty and they are just there, we should put them in good use. The CJS should step in and buy these islands and put criminals there. The technology is off the charts shear amazement to be honest. The working citizens that pay (taxes) make sure the criminals are taken care of is a bunch of bullshit! Buy these islands and set it up with GPS, the technology is out there and the CJS should use it. So many yards from the water fence it off and put sharks in there, killer sharks to be exact. Big Brother (the eye in the sky) put devices on the criminals like ankle bracelets or insert a tracker on their body somewhere. CJS should use the Charles Darwin theory, “Survival of the fittest” in my terms ‘get tough or die’ we baby these people and that is so wrong. Put them on an island, let them build their own place to live and let them survive the old fashion way. Live off the land! Once a week fly planes over and drop food for them and make them fix their own damn meals. This goes from the killers to the dope cooks to the crooked cops. They did not have any problems fkken up other people lives and destroying it. Why should we baby people that break the rules? No wonder they want to stay in jail, hell they have it made in there. That’s some straight up bullshit right there. They need to make it hard on them than being easy. It’s a damn shame that the justice system is the way it is. The Criminal Justice System is ass-backwards and that is a damn shame, got to love living in the United States of America. I know a few in this county stays just a short-time in jail, then they are out and destroying lives again. They should really stay in there for 20 years to life, if you ask me. It is what it is in the United States. I know back in the day, I was a bad-girl and lived on the wrong-side of the tracks. I should have had my ass dropped on an island all by myself for about 3 years with NO planes to fly over with food, just saying.That would have done me justice in a serious way.

One word (lynching) End of Story!

Can you imagine you are in jail and you are an African-American male, you live in a county full of racism and malice? That kind of behavior has a full life in this county needless to say. What I am getting at, you are laying in your cell-on your bed, minding your own business. Then here comes 2 cops and they yank you up out of the cell and give you a serious ass-whopping. Now does that sound suspicious or what? I know these cops and they do have a serious attitude problem, BTW. I guess it was a day to whoop-ass and let’s get the black guy. That’s how I see it and that is how I am calling it. I think they just had plans to beat him and put him back in the cell. There are ways you can beat someone not leave bruises, that’s kinda scary to think about it. The way it turned out was fatal and the cops needed an alibi and they hung him in the cell. When you see a hanging especially in a police facility in all do in respect, it’s a ‘suicide’ now that kind of behavior runs wild in this county, when all else fails just call it a suicide, SMH. Well its truth. The sheriff will write it off as ‘suicide’ how sad and pathetic is that? Can you imagine the fear in the African-American male eyes when they were approaching him? No wonder they are so hostile in this county. I would be adverse too. I am kinda like that now, to tell you the truth about it. I did not know this man personally however I knew one of his cousins. That is beside the point. This is call police brutality and I don’t like it. These cops will do you in if you let them. I know some don’t like my blog, fk’em that is how I am going to roll with that one. I will not sugarcoat at all that is so NOT me, like I have stated before, “there are only 20% that are good cops, 80% that are pathetic” just stating the obvious. This county really needs a make-over and I have no problems pointing it out. The stuff that goes on is so inhumane and it just makes me sick at my stomach. No wonder ‘Big Brother’ is on the move. They need to get control of that kind of tomfoolery and insanity, damn it man. When I heard this, I was skeptical about it then I did my research, the truth is known if you search it. Come on ‘Big Brother’ and do your thing, this kind of behavior needs to end. I hate racism, I swear I do!

A BOOK, I think so, it's TIME!

When I done my, “Depression TimeLine” I spoke up too soon. I will be blogging about this occurrence I betcha! See I live in tornado alley. We had 2 trees to be cut down before they landed on top of the house. However that is beside the point. We were looking for someone to cut the trees, low and behold my ex-father in-law and my ex-husband from my last marriage came to my house, ummmm I have been doing these blogs for quite some time now. They actually came to our house to place a bid to cut them down. I mean, seriously? Really? My jaw about hit the floor, we had numerous people to place a bid to cut the trees down. Luckily someone else done it and it was at a reasonable price and they had the job done in two hours tops. Let’s get back to the ex- and the ex- in law; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. If I was them, this is what I would have done, I would have said, “Hell no, I will not cut those trees, but I will recommend someone though.” It’s all about common sense and logic and that doesn’t exist around here. That just blew me away. However it was not long I was on Twitter and (tweeting) my thoughts about it. I am not bashful, not one bit. Then they turned around and told us, “Now if this is going to cause problems with Tina, we will not do it.”HELLO I don’t want my 2^nd ex-husband on my property around me or my family. I found this quite disturbing since I have been blogging about my troubles for quite some time now. I got sick at my stomach and cried I will not lie about it. Then I asked a few people what they thought about it. All the same answers, my ex, he just wanted to be near me and his wife knows it too. It’s no secret. It’s some sick shit and I need to always keep myself protected and guarded at all times. I just shook my head and try to find the perspective within this nightmare and I have not quite figured it out yet.

So I will be doing my own book in my own words. Well, at first I wanted someone else to do it and I would do like an interview talk about it. What I am saying talk to someone and they can worry about the wording and the sentences. Blogging and writing a book are totally different. Now I want to do it and because it will be therapy and it will help me in the long-run. I have some really good friends and they want me to do it too. Several keep up with my blogs. One of them is an editor and she wants me to type it and she will structure it, the way it should be. She has no doubt in her mind that the book will be a success but I need to be the one to draw in the audience. She told me I could do it. The only reason I was iffy about it. I have doors that are closed with pad locks on them, now I have to unlock and open the doors. She told me, I will feel oh so much better and I can heal and move on. She is the one that is pushing me. I am over me being scared; I am ready to do this. I know in my heart it will help me most likely piss people off. I am to the point I don’t give a shit. You know, it will be 2 years this year 9-17-12 of me blogging and they pull that shit, yes; I am so ready to do this book! I think so!

On the note. all that I have lost, the time that I can't get back. The mental abuse that I have endure over many, many years. I am one pissed off woman. I am thankful for what I have at this present time.I am 38 years old. I should NOT be in the situation I am in, I have lost a lot and I am drowning still. I can't win for losing because of these sick and twisted bastards. It's time for me to blow this shit out of the water. I will come out on top, just watch me. I got this, hands down! Eight years worth, 2004-2012, yup, I have a lot to discuss I do believe.

The Killing Kind

I will prolly get in trouble talking about this man, however I am not putting names out there and places I should be alright. He died not that long ago, however he made a statement in this county. Have you ever heard of a big-time drug-lord? The kind of person that has the money and power to make things happen and make people disappear without a trace he was just that kind of man. The last name alone made some shiver down their spines. As I was growing up I heard all kinds of tales about him. Most were scared of his presence, because he got away with a lot. I never cared for him to be honest about it. He owned a liquor store, back in the day you could actually buy marijuana, kilos of cocaine any kind of drug just pull up to the window. No shit, I know for a fact that went on. Now that is running the game. What stood out was this so-called well. The ‘well’ of doom and catastrophe that is fact to be known in this county, if you want someone dead and get away with it bring them here. I absolutely loathe this county. Hell, supposedly I was to be dropped in the ‘well’ if that was the case; I took care of the situation real quickly. There are some that weren’t scare of him. Like one stated to me, “he might be in his own well of doom” I found humor in that, seriously. Someone that is deviant and out-spoken (like me) gets put in their place and this man was hired to the job. If you didn’t have the money, you would have to sell your soul. When he comes, calling for you to do something, that person had to do it or suffer the consequence. Most likely it would be ‘death’ that’s how he rolled around here. I always consider him as the ‘devil’ and when I was told that he died, this is what I said, and “may he rot in hell.” I am not f’kd up about it. The FEDS wanted that man, however I told one of them, he will be dead soon with cancer and you will not have to worry about him anymore. The look that I got was priceless, then he said, “He was too mean to die” and then I said, “Karma is a bitch” I know what I am talking about. I know a lot of bad very bad people that has died in this county the last few years. Like the story goes, “When you dance you have to pay the fiddler” this county is filthy and malodorous. I just got tired of the stalking, slander and bullying and here I come with my blog and I have no regrets at all. This man here was a POS and there aren’t many that will have the balls to say that. No love lost here. This county has made the ID Channel twice to my knowledge; I know the one about a particular mountain. I would NOT doubt that man had something to do with it; I would not put it past him. This county dwells on evilness and I think it would not be a bad idea, to fly airplanes and drop blessed holy water all over this place. It is totally rank-smelling up this bitch. I am going to keep it 100, some that read my blogs around here they are like, hell yeah Tina. Some just can’t stand me. If it wasn’t so nasty and malice I would not be blogging, just saying. I don’t dig corruption!

The East Coast

The East Coast that’s where I want to live, when I get my children raised, I want to get the hell up out of here. The Ass End of the World, Arkansas it’s no joke. I absolutely hate it here. I was born and raised in Arkansas all my life. So many has stated, why the East Coast? I don’t like the West Coast; I hate California as much as I hate Arkansas. Don’t get me wrong, the west is very beautiful, breath-taking scenery. I just don’t like it out there. I don’t like the North, Chicago is too damn windy. Maybe it was just a windy day, however it has stuck with me ever since. That’s what I remember. The South, let’s NOT go there. New Orleans one of my favorite places, I would not live there though. Florida is another fascinating place, still the South. The East Coast moved me for some reason. If I had the money and a 6 digit income, I would live in New York City in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. I was there just 2 and half days. That’s all it took for a young girl at that time and New York, imprinted my mind like no other, it has stuck with me for 20 years now. It has been that long since I been to the East Coast. I wanted to go this year and take my kids on an East Coast tour, but that has gone right out the window. I want them to see the East Coast and see how beautiful it is. What a damn shame. Well, at first I wanted to move to New Hampshire. However I have been doing my research on Maine. I am pulling towards that direction now. I want to be on the coastlines, where I can go to the pier when I get ready for some relaxation and some me time. No, I am NOT running away from Arkansas, I want to make that clear. I want to breathe again. I am mentally and emotionally scarred from the damages that I have had to endure living in Arkansas. I want to be able to learn to live again and breathe again and trust again. This part of Arkansas has taken a lot away from me. As long as I live here, I will not be able to forgive. I know I will never forget however there is a hump I need to cross over and I want to make a life out on the East Coast. Here in Arkansas, I still deal with chaos I don’t know what is going to happen to me from one day to the next. I hate Arkansas so much it’s kinda scary to be honest about it. I can’t get past things here and I will NEVER get past them as long as I live here. It’s going to take me to move far, far away from here to gain control of what I have lost. I know once I get to the East Coast, it will be so emotional for me because I actually got out of a hell hole, and not be stuck there the rest of my life. I will most likely be crying for a week when I get out there. I know I will NOT live long living in Arkansas. I live with too much stress. Going to the East Coast, I will have a chance to live. Here at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas. I am dying let’s be truthful about it. I am miserable and very depressed here because I feel trapped and I can’t escape. I am down in a hole with no control. Depression hurts so does, stalking, bullying and slandering. I am too scarred up. I hate life. I should not have to feel like that. I know that life is beautiful and I want to go where I can breathe and make a new life again. I just want to live the way I want too for once. That is not much to ask for needless to say. This has been going on for too long and I need a break of some sort. A person can put up with so much. This is not a win-win situation. I have put up with all can; by God I will find some kind of peace and tranquility out there. Enough is enough and I need a new direction. My life is really f**ked up at the moment, that is a damn shame too. It’s up to me to make a change and I am going to change this, seriously. Changes are coming, I am a very driven person and I will break through this, I promise that much.

My Depression TimeLine

I thought that I would talk about my depression and I have never been bashful discussing my feelings and emotions about my life. This is how I feel and this is a place to let it all out. My corner of the world on the internet, so therefore I thought I would do it in a timeline format. I will need this for my book anyways. However I am going to be short and simple and straight to the point. I will be the only one that truly understands this situation but in the future it will be more clearly to understand if you follow my blogs.

January- 2004-2005- was the hardest for me, I suppose. My X-husband left me, 1-21-04, on my birthday however it was the best birthday present needless to say. He played hell trying to set me up, with the help of the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ I had 2 nervous break downs in that time period. I had some horrific experiences that shattered my mind and soul. It was a very scary time for me because I would not take him back. When I am done I am done, end of story. Next, move on.

November- 2005-2010- by November of 05 I moved to Little Rock, I more-less got ran of the county. I just could not take it anymore. My anxiety was high; I was stressed out to the max. I was gaining weight and my hair was falling out. I did not have any help in this county these people were killing me. But I remember something quite distinctive, when I was moving from my place that I had to sell to my moms and then from my mom’s to  Little Rock, my ex-husband was watching as he and his brother was parked in front of my mom’s house. Til this day, it makes me sick to my stomach. Why that still lingers is beyond me, I still get a sickness feeling though it’s horrible. From this time period, in the five years I was away. The cops done their-damnest to watch every move I made in this county as I came to visit. I believe the stalking and the slander was the highest in that timeline but it got worse. I had a hard-time living in Little Rock, I went back to college. I was living from my work check and my student loans and my income-tax check. I was making it barely. But I was making it to the best of my ability. I still had a good GPA, for what I was dealing with, it could have been better if I was not under all that stress. The cost of living was outrageous, however I was trying to complete some form of education. It did not quite happen as I planned. I look back and I don’t know how I done it or best yet, how I am still living to be honest. By 2010, my life went to hell in a hand-basket. All I have done to try to stay out of this county; I was brought back to it. That hurt me tremendously.

May -2010-2012 well, I had to move back to this county for numerous reasons. However I got stuck here. Just for a time being though, until I get my kids through High School. When I moved back in May 2010, I had a hard time. I mean the slandering was at its finest during that time. I guess May to September 2010, were extremely hard months. If it wasn’t for one thing going on it was another my stress levels were high I mean deathly high. It mainly came from cops and informants; my ex-brother-in-law from my last marriage is an informant. He was causing me 9 kinds of hell. So therefore, September of 2010 I had enough, I started my testimony on MySpace at first. I had a friend in college to tell me about BlogSpot in October of 2010, I started to blog. She told me to blog about everything that was going on she told me it was like a diary. If something came up that I did not like post it. I look back on it; from May-September 2010 I was on a verge of another nervous break-down. I am glad that I started this blog; it really has helped me out. I thank my friend all the time for telling me about BlogSpot. She was worried about me and she was afraid that something bad was going to happen.

After all this is said and done. I have had my weak points in my life I sure have, sometimes I just wanted to die. Lay down and die and give up. I just wanted peace and tranquility that’s all. This blog now at this present time, April 2012, I don’t have any problems. The problems I had I was going to blog about it. Now I am going to blog about different occurrences that has happen in this county. I have had people to tell me stuff and they want me to blog about it. Like I told them, no names no places, I can tell it in a story like way even-though it had happen. When I start on my book, I have to change names and places. I am pretty sure the word permission is out of the question. Maybe one day in the future when the sh*t hits the fan, I can actually put links on here and maybe I can use some of the names and places, who knows.

This has made me into a strong person, I don’t put up with no sh*t what-so-ever I have zero tolerance all away around and I can smell bullsh*t a mile away. I do have to thank them for that. I will forgive them when they get in trouble with the higher law. That will be the only time I will do it. I have lost so much through this and I am so scarred up mentally. I have stayed in poseur through this and how I just don’t know. I am strong-minded and strong-willed and also free-spirited.  I have been through hell, but I am going through it like champ. I can say this much, I am not an alcoholic nor a dope-head neither a pill popper. (I'm better than that, I know better) I did not get weak-minded through this; I stood my ground and done the best that I could even if I was drugged through the gates of hell. I am still going through hell, however I think a break is on the way for me and that makes me into a very happy person. I hope one day these sons of bitches get what is coming to them. That will be the day, I will LMFAO, seriously. Karma is a BITCH, what goes around always comes back around! I can feel her presence coming and I can also see that I will be smiling from ear to ear.

The Medical Field

The medical field, man (that) is an understatement that can go into so many directions; however I have had enough of that field too. I like the medical field about as much as I like Arkansas. I am just stating the truth straight from the bottom of my heart. I have been in the medical field since 1992, I am a medical assistant, I can do just about everything a nurse can do except push meds. Yea, I wanted to get my RN license that lasted like a ‘fart’ in the wind after a few years at a hospital. I can do it, but my heart isn’t into it. I have worked in all kinds of areas in the medical field to be honest about it. I will be broken down in a few years; I want to leave this profession ASAP. I am hoping this year. I am tired of the understaffing, I am tired of the mistreatment and having to do a floor by yourself, and slim to none help from the co-workers. Just isn’t cutting it anymore. I have went home several times, 35 patients by yourself and be drug around like a rag-doll by the ones that you are working with, trust me most treat you like sh*t. I know this too well, I will take my ass to the house, I am NOT f**ked up about it either. I have to put up with major sh*t in my own life and then I have to put up with it at work too. Most of this is uncalled for; the hospital can staff the floors however it defeats the purpose when it affects the administration bank accounts and the particular cars they want, the pencil pushers, those are the ones that actually need to get off their ass and do some physical work and see what it is to work understaff and beat your body down to the ground. I have seen nurses collapse in the middle of the floor and I have also seen them got to the ICU and get blood transfusions because their body just worn down. I refuse to go and get a degree and (I hate the job too), no matter what the pay is. I am 38 I have to take care of myself; I just have one body and one life. It’s not worth it! In the medical field you’re just a warm body, if something happens to you, oh well, there is always the next person in line. I have been beat down in a 12 hour shift, barely got off the couch the next day, Icy Hot is my friend now. That is bullsh*t. I refuse to do it. I am very strong-minded and I will NOT let anyone run over me. I stand my ground at work. I bet some dread seeing me come to the floor because I will not put up with their sh*t! It’s a dog eat dog world in the medical field. I know I had my fair share of the chaos, I want a new direction, and I will find that direction I promise that much. The medical field is just not what it’s supposed to be and I have had enough of it to be exact. Time for a new direction in life, I am tired and burnt out 20 yrs. is too long to be honest. I want to do something else for the next 20 yrs.  something that I love doing that sounds so good. Maybe too good to be true, huh?

I Really do Believe that Jesus Drives a Harley

I really do believe that Jesus drives a Harley. What I am stating that he is just a regular person, like you and I. One thing about him he does NOT judge anyone or anything. I wish the rest of the world would see that on an eye to eye level.  However that is not the case. I am going to explain a few things since I live in the South and all, dysfunction at its finest. Shallow minds that sugar-coat and wrap it around religion.

I am sure that Jesus is not a racist. I had to put up with that all my life. My mom says we all bleed red and we are the same no matter what color we are. My dad says that we should stay in the same race and never mix. More-less, we are going to hell if we get out of our circle. As for me, I want to date outside my race, I will do so. I have always stated that ‘bi-racial’ children are the prettiest humans on earth needless to say. If my daughter or son wants to date outside the race, they will have me to back them up if I am still living. If not, I will still be backing them up spiritually if that is the case. Most racist people in the South are the most religious matter of fact. I don’t see how the ‘House of the Holy’ hasn’t fell on their heads as soon as they walk in the doors. Just stating the obvious to be exact, lol!

I am a supporter of gay and lesbian rights that goes for transgendered and bi-sexual as well. The list goes on...We all have some kind of rights and I think that we should live our life the way we want too. Not have religion slammed on our heads because it is immoral, that is bullshit!  I have a lot of best friends that are gay. I love them dearly. When I think my life is shitty, here comes one with open-arms and make me see some kind of light in my darkness. I would date a woman; if it so happen she is an African-American I would still date her too. IDGAF what people in the South thought about it either? I do what I want. Gays and lesbians need more rights I do believe and I know for a fact that Jesus loves them too! That’s how I will roll with that one =)

After all this is said and done, I do believe that Jesus drives a Harley. The maker knows my pain and my struggles here in the South. I can place a bet that I will be riding on the back of that Harley going through those pearly gates. I am NOT afraid of dying and my stress levels right now are so high, I would NOT doubt I will be dead in the next 6 months. However it turns out, I have done my best even-though my head was pinned on the ground for the most part of my life, because I could not breathe like I wanted too and live the way I wanted too. I live in hell and I don’t sugar-coat a damn thing. Maybe I can over-come this maybe I won’t however it lands who-knows, I am pretty sure I will be riding on the back of that Harley one-day, that is promise I can keep and he will be smiling down on me. Death is not a threat, death is a reward. Peace and tranquility at its finest =)riding on the back of a Harley will be a major plus.

Religion is "Big Business" seriously!

Religion is ‘Big Business” especially in the South. Whenever you walk into a Church, you see an immaculate setting. The technology has hit the highest I do believe. I remember when the churches were just simple and innocent. Now you see, big screens and elaborate pieces, what I mean, very materialistic gadgets. In some places it’s mind-blowing. Do you really need that stuff, to get the word out? I mean seriously do you? It has to cost out the ass, there would be no way around it. No wonder tithing is a major priority. I wonder if the ones that take up the tithing, think about the ones that are with little money or no money at all. They are giving their money up so they can get a reward after it’s all said and done. They don’t know if it’s coming to them or not. While the preachers and their family and don’t forget the ones that are on staff. Live in a big nice house and have top of the line products. Oh, don’t forget the cars and if their kids are in the picture and they drive, the cars they have too. I wonder every time they eat that big steak in a big fancy restaurant while the ones that give and they don’t have that much to give eats ramen noodles or they go without. I wonder if they think about the high tech stuff like computers and sound systems. The ones that give might get their lights shut off. No matter what anyone says, religion is ‘Big Business’ that is one way to make money and live high on the hog. I know a preacher that makes $1000.00+ a week and he is one sinning motherfkker. However he knows how to speak to the people and get inside their heads. People will give even if they don’t have any money to give. How sad and pathetic is that? It makes me so mad, however when people are brain washed, and the sheep will follow. That is why I have religion in my heart. I am a broke ass bitch and the maker knows that. I do my best throughout the day and am thankful that I am living and breathing. Tomorrow might not come for me but I know that I done my best when I have to go to the other side. I don’t think the maker told them to get the top of the line computers, phones or whatever. This is another part of corruption at its finest. If you can’t preach, preach simple and have simple ways of stating things.Don't preach! This high-tech sh*t is so over rated and I am so done with it, believe me. I don’t have a pot to piss in and window to throw it out of, but one thing about me I do have a heart. I think we are living in end of the times. I am thankful that I look at it on different angle and have realistic knowledge about it.

The 'Bible-Belt' AKA The South

The “Bible Belt” that about sums it up right there.  Talking about the ‘Sister Bertha’s’ for the ones that don’t grasp the concept behind it. I am talking about the ones that gossip and slander everyone around. The ones that can’t do any wrong, I see humor in these kinds of people. It just shows you how fake they are. I think if you walk into the doors of the holy, someone should hold you up into the light and see if they are real or fake. Just like they do money, which is my opinion though. Church is just not the same as it was years ago. It just grew into filth just like everything else in this world nasty as they come. I am not dissing the churches. I am just stating the ‘truth’ it is not a place to slander and degrade people. Because what they are wearing, what is going on in their lives or how they handle themselves?  This should be a time for stress relief and try to focus on the good in the world. There should be a place just like a ‘safe haven’ even if it’s just for a few hours. However that is hard to justify that meaning with all the meanness going on in this world. I don’t go to church; I have some kind of religion factors in my heart though. That is where I learn, I learn from the hardships of life and I learn a lot every day as I get up, every day lessons baby. I don’t have daily routines; I live in the real world. It’s either heaven or hell when I start my day. I love it when I have a heaven kind of day. I know someone is watching out for me, seriously. The hell kind of days makes my stress tumble down my spine and I know someone is teaching me a lesson that day. It’s schooling at its finest. The hard knock life do I need to say anymore? Religion can be your friend or it can be your foe. It’s all up to you. I don’t go to church because I can feel the nastiness of some people. I do feel the good of some however the bad outweighs the good. I am being straight up honest. All of it will come to an end one day, no more air in your lungs and your heart stops beating. Judgment Day, the day that someone can stand and say I done my best or IDGAF what I did in my lifetime, it’s all up to that individual I do believe. How you live is your life is your heaven or hell. For my part it’s both, never know from one day to the next. That could be a good thing. There is one thing I give it my best and go on with it.  However the cards fall that’s how it falls. Do your best and piss on the rest.

Stalking Slandering and Bullying

I have had plenty of people asked me do this and I told them when the time is right, I will share my perspective on these cases. I thought now the time is right; I am doing different angles on my writing. I know for a fact I am the only one with the balls to do this and I think this is part of my calling in life. There is a reason why I am in this situation that I am in and maybe just maybe, a breakthrough is on the rise for me. I am not ignorant, I am very intelligent. However I will continue my BlogSpot. This is part of my rights, “Freedom of Speech” so therefore I will keeping doing what I do best. I don’t have to explain that one.

Stalking, Slandering and Bullying are harsh words but I have had to live in hell for many years over these factors. My reputation was ruin and my trust in people has gone right out the door. I don’t care anymore because my soul has been torn to shreds and I have pieced myself together so many times. This last time, I think that I had to put myself back together was the final time. They can’t do it to me any longer, you know why? They have made me stronger and wiser and my skin is thick now. Forgive and forget is hard to do, I don’t know about that I can’t right now. I have to say I do give them a big ‘Thank You’ my life might be pure hell, I don’t know what is going to happen to me one day to the next, if my check is going to be ripped apart because I am in poverty level income because I can’t reach the means to get certain things done! But through all of this I am seeing a positive light I know that is hard to believe, it’s taking time and I hope for the best. I married two worthless men in my life, and I know now not to make the same mistake. I have learnt through my mistakes, believe you me, I have learnt the hard way. I have had to write people off and what surprises me, I see so much clearly now. I have always in my life had one parent. I will do a blog just on that in the near future. It will be the brutal honest truth, I grant you that. I have surrounded my life with positive people and man does that work? It sure does. I love it! There isn't a day that goes by, that I am not thankful and grateful for what I have because I appreciate everything that is presented to me, I promise that much about it. It could be here one day and gone tomorrow, in a split second. But on the other hand……

These are real families that are going through real tragedies’ they are also going through the Criminal Justice System with no faith in it, because of the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ defying their rights to believe in a fair and just trial. How can you believe that justice will be served when so many cases are covered up by these mindless bastards? The control of a small town’s corruption and I will tell you now they don’t give a damn how you feel about it either. Greed and control at its finest. They are not going to run over me, not by a long shot. I don’t have to mind these idiots; I control my life, end of story. These families have to sleep at some point and when they do, how many tears have fallen on their pillows over their lost loved ones that they can never see again in this lifetime. What they want is justice to be served not a God damn blanket thrown over the case, snug as a bug and it’s hard to get in there and find the true facts of the situation. If that was me, you think this blog is brutal; I would tear up Jack, like no other on the net. These families have feelings like any other person on earth. How dare these inbreed morons sweep this under the rug like it never happen. For an example, the Super Center blog, you can do your research and it’s like it never happen. This is a life, a young life to be exact, disappear like that out of the system, I don’t think so. May these rotten bastard cops get what is coming to them! IDGAF, what they think about this either, matter a fact they can kiss my ass. I think it’s time to put new law enforcement officers in and get the job done right for once in this county! I hope for the best for these families and they get the answers that they deserve to have. It’s about damn time.

That is why I want to go on Dr. Phil, not just talk about my life experience in this county and what I have to put up with just by getting out of a marriage. That is where it stems from and the nightmare it has brought me over the years. I want these families on Dr. Phil as well, I want the world to see what kind of corruption and cover-ups that the law goes through to keep the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ in tack over greed and control, right along with drug trafficking and the money that brings with it. I was told if I got on Dr. Phil my story alone would start the domino effect and then bring all the individuals that have had injustice with the system over the lost of loved ones throughout the years. It would be so dramatic however that is one way to get the ball rolling to get this county cleaned up. He told me he hopes he lives to see it happen. That would be the most delightful news since this has been going on since the early 1900’s. All it takes is one person and others will fall behind and let the story tells its own tell of lies and deception. This county has plenty of them needless to say.

A Super Center Nightmare

Just a regular day in a young man’s life, a few weeks before graduation, no one ever thought that it was going to be his last day on earth. He was a very free spirited and roamed the land like any other male around here. The rebel flag is a true statement especially in these neck of the woods, if you understand where I am coming from. When the night fell the darkness appeared and it was night life for the young people. Most hung out at the local Super Center parking lot in a small town that is what you do. This night was like no other; the young man was laughing and carrying on with his peers. That’s what you are supposed to do when you’re young be wild and free. Then around the corner approached another young man with a gun in hand, he went up to the free spirited young man and pull the trigger, out came a bullet went straight into his chest and down he went. His friends were screaming for help as they watch their friend bleeding uncontrollably trying to save him, however he died moments later. The shooter just left, he knew what he was doing, but he had friends in high places, “The Good Ole Boy System” they saved him, the chief of police wrote it off as horse playing. Imagine that……

What I am getting at, a young man’s life was taken away from his mother, father and brother, along with the rest of his family. This was a senseless act and it was taken too far the (reality part) of it. The shooter called the young man earlier that day, he had talked to the father, and he sounded very brutal in his voice as I was told. He had threatened this young man before nothing was done about it. When the cops protect the delinquent individual there’s no hope. So the cops played it out as ‘horse playing’ it was all an accident. That young man did not mean to kill him. I can’t stand the cops around here, they just piss me off. So that right there, a blanket was thrown on the case and it was snug as bug. If people would think it was a Super Center parking lot, there are surveillance cameras everywhere. That is a good question, but there was a time piece cut out of it that was a red flag, the time of the shooting, 10-15 minutes was gone. That should have not been tampered with to be honest about it. Chief of police took that out real quick, just saying. Give me a break, but did they think of the hard-drive? I don’t think so. The ‘Big Boys’ can carry on that matter all in due time. There are some part of the surveillance you cannot touch except for the ‘Big Boys’ there is a reason for that and they are the only ones knows where it’s at, as I been told.

What made me mad there were affidavits upon affidavits of other young people that were trying to help the dead individual out. It did not matter, the police stated it was horse playing by God it was horse playing. The cops around here can kiss my ass, I swear they can. The ones that should be thought of are the ones that grieve over him. The mother, the one that carried him for 9 months and raised him for 18 years and she took care of his boo-boos all that goes with it. I have seen her so many times at the cemetery just lying beside his grave grieving her heart out. That doesn’t count the rest of his family. He might have been a little rowdy, but he was a good kid, no one deserves that not at all, may he rest in peace and justice be done in the future for him.

Two Little Girls Without A Daddy

Can you imagine two little girls going through what they went through watching their dad get shot in front of them? That’s kinda hard to phantom needless to say for me it is. As I have been told, there was a confrontation going on in the middle of the living room, there was a young dad I suppose he was confused at the moment because of the bickering. It was a fight-or-flight, response. He got the hell out of dodge. He jumped from the back door however they met him in the middle. Some went out the front door and some went out the back door. Then a gun went off not once but twice. The second time as I was told he threw his hands up, to protect himself. As all of this was going down, two little girls under three seen this, sad but true. As the story was told he committed suicide in the bedroom and the gun was on the opposite side from where he supposedly shot himself. Like the gun was thrown there. Check this out, the cops were called and they came out. His girlfriend was there the whole time. She decided to take a shower and the cops let her. I thought that was odd and very stupid. But look at the situation the cops are just as stupid as she is, just saying. The cop scene on that was ass backwards like any other murder event in this county. This is stemming off the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ once again, geez does this ever end. However he was wrote off as a suicide, he didn’t shoot himself once he shot himself twice. He was carried through the living room and blood was dripping from him and he was thrown on the bed and gun was thrown on the left side. The forensics of this situation came from a child psychologist that studied these two little girls. By all means it was a suicide as the cops stated what a joke that was. I am calling it as I see it. Two little girl had seen a brutal attack.

Let’s back up on this, the summer before, he died on an Indian summer day to be exact. Lets’ look at June, my family and I were camping out about 2 in the morning we had a knock on the door asking for this young man. First middle and last name, she was frantic like she was on meth, I am not going lie about it. I always thought that was odd, he died 3 months later, you tell me? She went to every camp spot, to be exact. How strange?

Okay, let’s talk about the mother here, she had him at 16 and she was raised up with him for 23 years that was her baby. She also had a daughter; I believe they were 3 years apart. As brother and sister they were best friends. He had numerous people that loved him, his father and grandparents the list goes on. Another blanket snug as a bug on a murder rap, I get so sick of this crap. But there is something that is telling me justice will be served and those girls are in good hands of his mother (the grandmother) and I hope and pray that it stays that way. They don’t need to be around their mom, something tells me that she is bad news. I just have that gut feeling if you know what I mean. On the note, this boy did not have an autopsy like many other cases around here, from death to the grave. I bet there could be many stories to be told on many cases in this county, I grant you that.