July 8, 2012

Re-Defining TINA

Redefining Tina, since I have been working on my book for the last month or so, I have been soul searching and exploring new grounds within myself. This has been an awkward time for me since 2004 putting up with years of bullshit and the disregard of heartless bastards. However I pushed through the trying times of my life, I just thought that it would not end. Just like a forever endless nightmare no hope for Tina. Then here comes my blog to save my life. I love writing and letting my feelings flow throughout the World Wide Web, the internet is a blessing in disguise I do believe. Millions and millions of people have it and that leads into thousands of hits on my blog, I think it’s lovely and satisfying to the point it quenches my thirst.
They just thought they were fucking with a stupid woman that did not know her ass from a hole in a ground. I am a lot smarter and wiser than the fucktards in this county, I promise you that much. Nope I am not fucked-up at all saying it, it’s the truth. I guess ‘cutting of the trees’ done me in, them being on my property in April 2012. I thought to myself, if they got that bid in and came done the job. I guess I would have been on an episode of ‘Snapped’ 3 ‘hot’s’ and a ‘cot’ and ‘lethal injection’ would have been my future. I am glad that didn’t happen, to tell you the truth about it. Enough is enough and you are at your wits end, a person is capable of doing anything when they snap. They did not understand the phrase ‘leave me alone’ I fought hard and fought like a motherfucker over the years. Yes, it nearly killed me but I stood my ground and went on about my business.

My life is one fucked up disaster, I can’t wait to do an interview and actually talk about it. Some have told me in the past, if I ever get on the media circle like Dr Phil, this county is in for it. It would be like putting nails in the coffin. When you pave the way for other people to speak up, that’s all she wrote for this county. It’s a done deal. Most can’t wait, I told them, and I can’t wait for it either. However I am still intact, fierce and strong-willed. I also have my DILLIGAF face-on. All do in respect IDGAF. There are parts in my life that are pretty much shitty and there are parts in my life that I am so freakin’ grateful and thankful, I could go to a mountain top and yell to the top of my lungs, say how ‘thankful’ and ‘grateful’ that I am. Not many out there have that fall back support system. When my feet hit the floor I am giving thanks. There are parts of my life still crashing on my head, I get a migraine from it, but what can I do. I have to take it one day at a time.

I have written people out of my life and I have gain people in my life. I have fallen in love; however that is a stand-still situation. I have to redefine myself before I think about love. From 30 as of right now of the good ole age of 38, I have changed so much, my ‘All American Nightmare’ that I have endured for many many years. It has shaped me into one hell of a woman and I have high standards and ‘love’ well time will tell and I will NOT chase, it could be another ‘All American Nightmare’ hells bells I don’t need that.  I will slowly let that one land on my lap in time if it does. Coming out of a situation that I came out of you get sharp as a tact. I have zero tolerance. I will NOT put up with bullshit. Now-a-days I am a loner; I get out from time to time and have my Tina weekend, to release the stress. Just don’t play mind-games with me, I will eat you up and spit you out and not even blink an eye when I am doing it. I should have been a cop, I would have made a good one. I don’t like the Criminal Justice System nor the Medical Field. I enjoy writing. Not in a million years I would have thought this, but I am glad I am the way I am. I am a good person, I just don’t put up with no nonsense, that’s all. I have two teen-age kids that I am trying to raise and make sure they don’t turn into their parents. These are good kids; they just need the right direction and motivations to get the hell up out of the Ass End of the World, Arkansas make something of themselves.
I will be taking a break from blogging, I have to get my book to the editor soon and I have to two companies that I have to decide on for my self-publishing adventure. I am so proud of myself doing this and having the balls to put it in a fiction book since I can't put the real names out there. Oh well, at least this will be great therapy and I am starting to feel better with my life. Years of hell can really warp your mind. I have to stand tall and stand strong, push my way through it. Get tough or die, brutal honesty right there.

One the note, I do NOT have any problems what so ever anymore. The cops don't stay across the road if I see any they stay away from me. I don't break the law so therefore they need to stay the hell back. The informants get the hell out of dodge when they see me. I don't have time for their bullshit either. When I say leave me the hell alone, leave me the hell alone. I will blog about it and not have one regret doing so. So that is that.

July 1, 2012

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade =)

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I love that quote, because it relates to my life so much. I have had more than 20 years of lemons. One mistake after another right along with controlling issues in my life, I guess I was the one of the fortune ones (insert sarcasm). However through my life path that my cards have choosen for me, I have learned so many things and most were WTF moments to be exact. I learned NOT to do it again. So I thought that I would do a series of books. My plans are 3 but who knows, I love writing and letting my feelings flow. I was talking to my editor. She brought something to my attention, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” my lemonade would be my books. When she told me that, I started to cry and looked at her with astonishment. She nailed that one plus I never thought of it that way. I have a unique tale (very harsh) with the reality of corruption in a small town but I will be brutally honest throughout my writing in my books.

 I had a chance to talk to a lawyer a friend of a friend situation. My friend, she was so intrigue with my blogs. She knew I could not use real names so therefore she wanted to know about my hometown name. I told her where it took place and she looked it up on Google. She was surprised and speechless needless to say. So, she done some digging and what she found out was quite interesting. Her lawyer friend told me what to do and he did not charge me either lol I have pretty much scraped my first notes of my book. I am going about this a different direction and I am going to bring this famous mountain at one time through a song back on the map. I will be bringing it through a book instead of music. Then I talked to my editor and she done a similar book and use the same real places but changed the names. Real names will get you in trouble but I want to draw my readers in by placing actual places where it can be researched and understood by different people around the world. I have a dead-line but I know I will make it. Now I feel somewhat complete and I can shake this book like no other. There has been another book done in this county though. That was back in the day.

 This mountain has history and tons of it and it’s not good for the most part but the other I could say maybe because of this one loving man that I got the chance to know. May he RIP because he lived many, many years and told many, many tales throughout his stay on that mountain. I am going to enjoy this and I can’t wait to get it done. Let the good-times roll in the near future. The truth shall set me free!

Dear Baby Daddy

Our children are almost grown hopefully they will be on their own someday, fingers and toes crossed. I thought I would do this particular blog for a particular reason I must have to say. Now do you really, truly, positively want our children to grow up like us? Hmmmm, hell to the NO not on my part! I think looking back over the years, what the f**K was I thinking when I got hooked up with you? But, I have to thank you for giving me the two most precious people in this world though. Our daughter and our son are the most well behaved kids and thoughtful, I can’t forget courteous. I think how in the hell did these kids come out the way they came out with the life they have had to live. It is shear amazement; I tilt, shake, and scratch my head on a daily basis because these kids ROCK! Now why would you want to control them and keep them from doing what they need to do in this world to survive? How about helping them spread their wings and fly for a better way of living in this world. I was controlled for most of my life damn near all of it. I got rid of that problem last year and I don’t regret it one bit. My life is getting better imagine that. Now keeping the kids from experiencing things is totally wrong on your part. I give my kids freedom when they are with me. I just tell them DO NOT become like me or your dad you guys will do fine. I want them to do so much better than us. I get excited of the thought they would achieve high greatness of the situation that they are coming out of, these kids are grown and not babies anymore. What I think you should do (baby daddy) you need to pull your head out your ass and make sure these kids get a college degree and make something of themselves and NOT be like us. I am getting out of this bullshit abyss that I am in, since 1990, well really 1988 to be exact. I know where you will be at. When your parents die off, you will be set for life. I guess waiting until death is your thing but for me I am off and running after our son graduates. It’s NEVER too late to achieve high greatness that is what I will do. You need to give this a thought and quit over controlling these kids like you do. Freedom is the key word for the adult children that we have and they will be grown soon. Time does NOT stand still. Living in the South has nearly driven me nuts, but the East Coast is around the corner for me, thank goodness!