July 8, 2012

Re-Defining TINA

Redefining Tina, since I have been working on my book for the last month or so, I have been soul searching and exploring new grounds within myself. This has been an awkward time for me since 2004 putting up with years of bullshit and the disregard of heartless bastards. However I pushed through the trying times of my life, I just thought that it would not end. Just like a forever endless nightmare no hope for Tina. Then here comes my blog to save my life. I love writing and letting my feelings flow throughout the World Wide Web, the internet is a blessing in disguise I do believe. Millions and millions of people have it and that leads into thousands of hits on my blog, I think it’s lovely and satisfying to the point it quenches my thirst.
They just thought they were fucking with a stupid woman that did not know her ass from a hole in a ground. I am a lot smarter and wiser than the fucktards in this county, I promise you that much. Nope I am not fucked-up at all saying it, it’s the truth. I guess ‘cutting of the trees’ done me in, them being on my property in April 2012. I thought to myself, if they got that bid in and came done the job. I guess I would have been on an episode of ‘Snapped’ 3 ‘hot’s’ and a ‘cot’ and ‘lethal injection’ would have been my future. I am glad that didn’t happen, to tell you the truth about it. Enough is enough and you are at your wits end, a person is capable of doing anything when they snap. They did not understand the phrase ‘leave me alone’ I fought hard and fought like a motherfucker over the years. Yes, it nearly killed me but I stood my ground and went on about my business.

My life is one fucked up disaster, I can’t wait to do an interview and actually talk about it. Some have told me in the past, if I ever get on the media circle like Dr Phil, this county is in for it. It would be like putting nails in the coffin. When you pave the way for other people to speak up, that’s all she wrote for this county. It’s a done deal. Most can’t wait, I told them, and I can’t wait for it either. However I am still intact, fierce and strong-willed. I also have my DILLIGAF face-on. All do in respect IDGAF. There are parts in my life that are pretty much shitty and there are parts in my life that I am so freakin’ grateful and thankful, I could go to a mountain top and yell to the top of my lungs, say how ‘thankful’ and ‘grateful’ that I am. Not many out there have that fall back support system. When my feet hit the floor I am giving thanks. There are parts of my life still crashing on my head, I get a migraine from it, but what can I do. I have to take it one day at a time.

I have written people out of my life and I have gain people in my life. I have fallen in love; however that is a stand-still situation. I have to redefine myself before I think about love. From 30 as of right now of the good ole age of 38, I have changed so much, my ‘All American Nightmare’ that I have endured for many many years. It has shaped me into one hell of a woman and I have high standards and ‘love’ well time will tell and I will NOT chase, it could be another ‘All American Nightmare’ hells bells I don’t need that.  I will slowly let that one land on my lap in time if it does. Coming out of a situation that I came out of you get sharp as a tact. I have zero tolerance. I will NOT put up with bullshit. Now-a-days I am a loner; I get out from time to time and have my Tina weekend, to release the stress. Just don’t play mind-games with me, I will eat you up and spit you out and not even blink an eye when I am doing it. I should have been a cop, I would have made a good one. I don’t like the Criminal Justice System nor the Medical Field. I enjoy writing. Not in a million years I would have thought this, but I am glad I am the way I am. I am a good person, I just don’t put up with no nonsense, that’s all. I have two teen-age kids that I am trying to raise and make sure they don’t turn into their parents. These are good kids; they just need the right direction and motivations to get the hell up out of the Ass End of the World, Arkansas make something of themselves.
I will be taking a break from blogging, I have to get my book to the editor soon and I have to two companies that I have to decide on for my self-publishing adventure. I am so proud of myself doing this and having the balls to put it in a fiction book since I can't put the real names out there. Oh well, at least this will be great therapy and I am starting to feel better with my life. Years of hell can really warp your mind. I have to stand tall and stand strong, push my way through it. Get tough or die, brutal honesty right there.

One the note, I do NOT have any problems what so ever anymore. The cops don't stay across the road if I see any they stay away from me. I don't break the law so therefore they need to stay the hell back. The informants get the hell out of dodge when they see me. I don't have time for their bullshit either. When I say leave me the hell alone, leave me the hell alone. I will blog about it and not have one regret doing so. So that is that.

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