September 27, 2014

The Struggle is a Bitch for Tina

I can honestly say I can't wait to move to the east coast.  I am proud that I have connected with a very special man from Connecticut. I believe the universe and the 'good Lord' too, knows that I have had my fair share of the ever going chaos in my life, that's all I know how sad and pathetic is that? I needed a break in the worst kind of way. I know in my heart this will be one of my best decisions I have made in my life besides having my children. I have fallen in love with a man, he lives half across the United States but that is OK. I am willing to move and begin a fresh new start in life the God lord knows I need it. I am more than ready and I deserve every bit of this new chapter that I am approaching into. John is a blessing and I feel a deep connection with him more than I ever felt before in my life with anyone. I need this as much as he needs it too we can excel together.

My kids are grown.  My daughter will be 20 soon and my son will be 18. They will need to make their own way in life. They will have to get their game face on and face the world the best way they can possibly do each and every day. I will not put up with the word  'abandonment' my kids are adults.  If they have any sense at all about them. They will look at me and their father. They will be driven enough to do a lot better than their parents that is 100% real talk. Thank God for their grandparents too without them they would be in a world of hurt that is the God's honest truth. Now its my turn to get my shit together. If that means that I have to move so be it. I will do so. What they need to do is get their shit together in their 20's so they will not have to face that problem in their 40's like I am going through right now. I love my daughter and my son with all my heart and soul. It's time for them to grow up and be responsible adults.  If they are smart, after college get the hell out of Arkansas.  There's more to life than this redneck bullshit.  They need to remove themselves from that. My kids will have to get tough or die. This world is wicked very heartless needless to say. They will have to thicken their skin and knock it out the ballpark. I can't do that for them.

I have been blogging for a long time now. I have been truthful all away around this situation.  I have been through hell and back. Hell, I wrote a book about it even though that publisher ripped me off big-time. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach karma is going to be a bitch one day to them. I can't dwell on the scam but I can warn people tho make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. I think everything will fall into place with my writing and my upcoming books when I move to Connecticut.  What I need is to get the hell out of Arkansas, I am drowning here. I am so freaking miserable in my life.  I feel like I have concrete shoes on, I'm weighted down so bad with all the bullshit I endure from this state and some of the people that are around me. I can't excel and go where I need to go on life. I'm stuck in limbo and not going anywhere. What kind of life is that? I know in my heart I will excel in Connecticut.  I will have a partner that will help me move right along. I am finally happy in my life and I am ready to make a change. I need to get away from this bullshit in Arkansas and get my shit together in Connecticut. I know I will have a better chance for the Dr Phil too that will be a must do. People can say what they want to say about me moving to the east coast and living in Connecticut, least I have the balls to move and make a better change in my life. I know I will excel I just have to do it. I really don't give a fuck what people says either. People are going to talk no matter what what I do. Tina Ann Graves is going to give them motherfuckers something to talk about I promise that much. It's either go hard or go home and I am not going home!

August 4, 2014

Existing vs Living

I will be the 1st one to say, I just exist here in Arkansas that's all nothing more nothing less.  This is the state that I was born and raised in however along the way I had a turbulent lifestyle since I was born to be exact.  As I look in the mirror at my 40 year old image looking back. I see a lot of missed opportunities.  I don't regret the births of my children my daughter in 1995 and my son in 1997. I wish I could have done a lot of things differently. I would have never ever gotten married for starters that's an understatement.  I have dedicated my life since 1994 (to my children) when I found out I was pregnant with my little girl May of that year. I had a long road to hold. I have always wondered why my life was so chaotic to begin with, I believe it to be because of my writing that's bringing my words to life. My 3 books will tell a unique story of a 'southern struggle' through many obstacles in life that I have endured. I have a story to tell. As I keep looking back I have a lot of mental scaring too. Slandering, stalking, bullying, sexual assault to suicide is enough to kill a person.  Then my father's relationship too mental abuse,  bullying to control.  I have to love my dad from a distance. I can't be around him again. I will die this time I know I will, without a doubt. I've been in a rut for so long and chaos is all I know. To look at it makes me sad but I know God is pulling me out of this dark black hole I've been in for so many years. That's where living is taking place for me.

I met someone from the New England states. We have been talking for a long time now. I have been through a lot with him for some reason we have always came back to each other in a full circle. We always found our way back to one another no matter what was going on in our lives.  I thought that was odd or sorta strange.  That got my curiosity up. I planned a trip from Arkansas it's a 25 hour drive one way to where I needed to go. I was like OK, I got this and I can do it. I done it even though I got lost in the Bronx. I still got to him. When I 1st saw him it was like 'deja vu' like I knew him from another life something like that. I felt it down to my bones that moved me. So we kicked it, we had fun but I was stopping and observing along the way. I'm notorious when it comes to observing people. I go through them like a fine tooth comb. The 'chemistry' was there the 'gravitational pull' between us was there too it was like 'liquid fire' I wanted more. I think what caught my eye, when we laid by each other our body-heat sky rocketed to the max. He had it down to 63 degrees in his room but that didn't make a difference our heat was on. Now that caught my attention.  We couldn't keep our hands off of each other.  Well the 'sex' it's the BEST I've ever had in my life. We clicked and the pieces were finally fitting together.  See I was living out there I was not existing like I have been Arkansas.  We are both aquarians so that says a lot. Who would ever thought I would step out of my 'comfort zone' or as I should call it my 'chaos zone'. I was having fun, I was not a big-bundle of nerves, I was living. I loved every minute of it too. I did not want to leave that was for certain I wanted to stay with him. I knew right then I torn.

So I got back to Arkansas but I knew my heart was on the east coast the moment I crossed the Arkansas state-line my depression set in. I knew I had to get back there and get back there soon. Since I've been back my eating and sleeping habits,  well there's not much there but a hit and miss type thing I can't function. I had my psychic friend to do a reading it was amazing. She told me we were together in 2 different past lives. That shook me up a little bit because I felt like I known him all my life but that was the 1st time meeting each other very electrifying.  I was like OK I can go through the emotions with this. I know one thing. I miss him so much and I know each time we are together will get harder for me to leave him. The connection was off the charts but it completed me. So here I am in Arkansas just existing once again but I have responsibilities for now. Next year my daughter will be 20 and my son 18. So I think it's time for mommy to get her shine back on. It's time to be living again not existing. I am taking this in stride day by day. I've made plans for another trip I can't wait to get there. I have been single going on 11 years so I know I feel, I think I have found my connection and I have always wanted to live in one of the New England states. I know he has taken my breath away and helped me find myself again. To me and the way I feel he's the one and he's a keeper.  I will make my way back to him. Like my friend told we have a ' one of a kind connection' I believe she is right.

July 9, 2014

NEVER ever be afraid to speak your mind!

That is one thing I have learnt in life, never be afraid to voice your opinion on anything. You have every right to say how you feel with all the emotions going through your body at that moment. It doesn't matter if people get mad or they get happy. You are the one that has to live with yourself on a daily basis no one else. I will tell you right now, no one will take up for YOU but you! You have to have backbone and duck feathers to survive in this sick and twisted world. Stand your ground.  As far as Outskirts Press, do I feel sorry for what I did? Hell NO! I work at a hospital and I have compassion. I work my ass off too for the patients just saying! 1st of all Outhouse Press doesn't give a shit about you or your work. I learnt that fast. Most writers especially me have emotional bond with words. My writing is my therapy of life's shit that was thrown at me. Do you think they cared about my trauma? Hell NO! Only thing that predators and scammmers care about is the MONEY how they can screw over a vulnerable person. A person that doesn't know much about writing or publishing.  See, I'm street smart and street tough. I had a gut feeling about this after they took my money. I'm not on here to give them hell. I blogged about this to educate people and show them the ropes to stay the hell away from scum like that. I know one thing, I will not look at my sales again. I will buy my books for my book signings that's it. I will not email them because it takes up to a week for them to reply back and I got proof of that.  I will not call because they will not call you back. This is a lesson I learned in life. I know $1500.00 is a lot but I know people that spent 3-8 thousand to them, they lost out too. If that was me, I just heard about these stories. I would have gone to the local news station here in Little Rock. They can get some stuff started for sure. Investigating at its finest!  I'm just warning people, this was my experience and it was a bad one. I will bounce back. I always do but I will voice my opinion in the process and NO fucks will be given. I am a good person with a soul however the truth will always roll off my tongue.  Like the story goes, "you will get glad in the same pants you got mad in."

I don't know what to think anymore about my life. I don't give a shit what people think about me in Conway County, Arkansas.  I can't wait to move to the east coast,  that will be a happy day for me especially now since I found someone. I look back at the last 10 years. I have survived,  stalking, slandering, bullying,  sexual assault to suicide.  It's amazing that I'm still living. However there's not a day that I don't give thanks to the man above because I woke the fuck up and I am still breathing. There will be a day that I will not wake up and that will be all she wrote maybe I will find peace then. God, knows that I'm feisty, non-compliant, I cuss like a sailor. He still loves me and that is something I know whole heartily.  My 2nd book, I hope to God I get that one finished soon. All the life obstacles I deal with I just don't know about it. I will keep on pushing and thriving like I always do.  That one is dealing with a parent,  mental abuse, control,  bullying.  I don't regret washing my hands from him because that poison is no longer in my body and I will never ever subject myself to that again. I love my dad but I love him from a far. I love him from a distance because I can't live like that anymore. I'm a getting my shit together and I'm done with crying. I'm over and past that. My 3rd book is a reflection of the 1st book the prelude where it all started.  No need to say anymore. That is one roller coaster ride that I'm glad that I'm off of, never again. God has his plans for me, I know he does.  I have to trust him and trust my struggle along the way. I know God is good and he is good all the time.   

July 5, 2014

Outskirts Press SCAM!

My review on Outskirts Press: This is my experience with them.

Please watch this video too, it's a MUST see! Before you read my blog!

The picture up above is part of the Barnes and Noble package. My Amazon was free in the Month of November of 2013. I just thought I lucked out there if I only knew what I know now. OK, at this time. I have already spent $1500.00 with Outskirts Press from the package that I wanted to my cover. Now, I was getting my Nook and Kindle ready. I want You to read this really close. They also put close to $1000.00 in my check out cart on my account, I thought that was ludicrous, I trashed it ASAP. I did not want that shit!

I set up my Amazon and Barnes and Noble account, I GAVE them my email and password they needed it to set my account up. I thought that was very odd needless to say. I was new at this and did not know better at the time, I should have had my ass kicked up between my shoulders. I had a GUT feeling about this (I really did) something stood out and I did not catch it at that time. They could get into my account either one at any given time just saying. There's NO telling what they done besides put the book information in that is an understatement too.

Ok at this time my book was ready. I will tell you right now, I had trouble getting them to reply back to my emails and such. My experience with them were horrible, just wait I am far from done with this. No one would help me out with the pricing. I set it for $13.95 with the discount was $12.56. I still needed guidance being my 1st time to publish my book. I done the best I could with what I knew. Click on the picture and read it very carefully. I am not done yet. 100% Rights 100% Royalties LMAO!
January 29th, my book launched. In a weeks time, this happen to me. Look at the above picture. Woo-hoo I thought! I had people to text and call me it will take 3-4 weeks for them to get my book to the ones that purchased it. Why was that, they asked me. I told them, I did not know what that was all about. At that time, I thought my book was selling and it was selling good. Some people it took a month to get the book. At that time I had over a 100+ people sending me pictures of their books too. Yes, I am doing good selling my book. I thought I would make a 4 figure amount someone told me I should make a low 5 figure amount. I told them I don't know about that, I don't think so for me being a 1st time author and all, they told me my book had potential to make a good profit. The way it looked the book was selling I was happy about that. This is a vanity press and print-on-demand they should get their book quickly so I thought. I could not understand the delay part of it.
Later on, at the end of April my Kindle money came in. I got $4.70 deposited into my account (month of February sales.)  I had so many pictures etc. of people that sent me with their Kindle purchases. I went ballistic with Amazon. I emailed them a very furious email. I got straight to the point too. They were finding money here there and everywhere. Then I stopped and thought about Outskirts Press and how they can get into my account at any given time. The light bulb went on. I thought to myself, I am going to get a fucking from hell with this company I see it coming. I knew something was not right at all. To this day on 7-5-14, I have not heard from Barnes and Noble royalties, with Nook and that link gets retweeted more than the Kindle. I don't get it at all. Not ONE dime from them at all. ZERO! Like I told Amazon and Outskirts Press, I probably have a lot of money going into this but I will NEVER ever see a damn dime from it, they will but I won't. This only gets worse.

My very 1st royalty check $86.50. I about died! I knew that was NOT right at all! I told them everything like I stated up above and that did not matter they could careless they were not gong to listen to me, Outskirts Press employees are so cold. I knew I was being scammed BIG-TIME! What could I do about it, nothing? I have close to 210,000 followers on the Internet and I made almost a $100 from this so far and about that much with my EBooks. I knew, I had a gut feeling this was not right at all, scammed all the way. Something was just not right about this picture that many followers nearly $200 all total. I have good reviews too. My mind was blown all to hell. I was livid at this point in my life.

They haven't figured in May or June with the picture above that was June 27th 2014 when they screen shot it, to that point I told them I will never ever look at my book sales again. I don't have time for that kind of depression AT ALL. This is some sad shit right here I was dealing with. I told them I was going to do a blog too. DILLIGAF, NOPE, BOOM! I will order my books and go on about my business.  That is so sad that I have to do that. I was being scammed so bad! Buying my books to make my $1500.00 back is sad and pathetic. What assholes they are! I should have had a good check out of my paperbacks. That didn't happen for me.

This was my last email, that I sent to them. It took them a week to reply too. They always tell me my email went to spam, that shit gets so old with me come up with a better one fuckers! I should pull my pants down and get some KY and let them tap my ass! I pretty much got a screwing over this. I hope they choke on this blog too. This is my review and this is my opinion too. Here are some good reviews with my book. Oh, I guess they don't want to place my book for $9.99 too. They will NOT get back to me with that concern. More money for them NONE for me! Fucktards!

 
This is the fuckery that I get from them, the notorious email [look below]. I got that today {7-5-14} I got it about 5 times so far! They would not send me a sales sheet like I asked for they were going to waiver $25 fee too, what liars they are!  They did not want give me a sales sheet that tells me right there I am being scammed straight to hell! To me this email was a run-around to get me off their backs!

 Hi, Tina,
You are right, it is important to understand how royalties are tracked and paid.  If you think you have sales that are not showing in your author's center, there can be a number of possible reasons:
·         Keep in mind that orders you place yourself inside your Publishing Center are not included among book sales that earn royalties. You will see your personal book orders on your "My Book Orders" page. Only wholesale book orders placed by someone other than you appear on your "My Book Sales" page and earn royalties.
·         Recognize that it sometimes takes Ingram up to 45 days to record a book sale and report it to us. So, for example, they may receive a book order from Amazon in January. That may not appear on their report until March. Since we are notified in March, we may identify that as a March sale. Therefore, that sale may not appear in your Publishing Center until May. This is a rare occurrence, but could play a role in why sales are taking a while to be seen.
·         The date of a retail purchase may not always correspond with the date of a wholesale sale. In many cases, retailers order books months before someone buys them and then the books are sitting in that store's inventory or on the shelf, waiting to be bought. This means that if you buy a book from Amazon.com in March, for example, you may not see the sale reported in your March report. The book could have been purchased by Amazon months earlier. We report when wholesale orders occur, not when retail orders take place. 
·         Authors sometimes confuse availability of a book with the sale of a book. They see all the places their book is available for purchase (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, even eBay, among hundreds of other e-retailers) and assume that ALL those places have purchased copies of the book.  This is not the case.  Those e-retailers are displaying digital information about the availability of your book. If a customer buys the book, those e-retailers will place an order with us to fulfill the customer's order. The advantage of Outskirts Press is that we make your book available just about anywhere that sells books -- but just because it is listed as available doesn't mean people are buying it. That's where your marketing efforts, and our optional marketing services, come into play.
·         When a friend or family member says "I'm going to buy your book" authors often assume they do it immediately when they may do it later, or may forget to do it altogether.  Perhaps the friend or family member means well, but doesn't realize how easy it is for Outskirts Press to track book sales (or lack of sales).  If someone you know says they purchased a book that isn't appearing on your sales report, ask him or her to confirm their purchase by sending you their purchase order or receipt. Let them know you need it to investigate an order discrepancy with Ingram (who provides us with all book sales).   One of three things will happen when you do this. They will either tell you that they didn't actually purchase the book, or they will go and order it right away (in which case, it will appear in an upcoming sales report), or they will send you the purchase order or emailed receipt.
We need copies of receipts to investigate serious claims like this with Ingram.  Ultimately, as a print-on-demand publisher, we have a double-check on the accuracy of book sales -- they always exactly match the number of books we have printed, since books are printed when they are ordered. The accounting numbers uploaded into the Author's Center are checked against the number of books that are printed. Those numbers will always match.  If we receive evidence that Ingram is misreporting, we will pursue it aggressively on your behalf. Thus far, Ingram has always been 100% accurate.

I am going to close out on this blog. Companies like Outskirts Press, Author House and the list goes on. Vanity press and print on demand. You will NEVER make money from them. I don't care if you sold 10,000 books with Amazon or Barnes and Noble you will never ever see that money it will not come to you. That money belongs to them NOT you and they will fuck you over. It's not IF I make the Dr Phil show it's when I make the show. These fuckers are gonna be rich. I will NOT see a dime of it and it makes me so sick. The video that I posted on here is a must watch and he is a hero in my eyes. I wish I would have watched that before jumping into this boat. This is a live and learn and I don't have the money to pull away from them just yet but I will. So I need to get used to making around 100 bucks quarterly. The ONLY way that I will make my money back is buy my own books that is so fucking stupid to even think about. I have to buy my own books to make my money back. As far as Nook and Kindle, I am shit out of luck. I will never ever know what I sold there too. This a live and learn experience. I am not happy but there's nothing I can do about it. That is why, I have set up my gofundme account and hope for the BEST, I have book number 2 almost done and I don't know what to do. I have to rely on faith that it will all turn out the way it should. I wanted to do a review on them and I wanted other people know exactly what they do. Embezzling at it's finest. That is real talk.  Run far away from these people. I pray that the FBI/IRS audit the fuck out of the authors see exactly what is going on. I am NOT happy about this at all! Nothing is adding up and they will not get back in touch with me. I want this to be spread around the world for people to see. I would love to know exactly how many books I have sold. I know I have sold more than 31 books. I hope they get investigated to the max. I don't know how they are number one when they rip people off left and right. Take it from me, you will be scammed and depressed. If you look back on my blogs, I have been through enough shit to last a lifetime and some company ripping me off my money really makes me more depressed. This makes a writer just want to give up. 



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UPDATE:
I had a few people get back in touch with me on this and the video makes more sense than ever now. The video can't be played on a phone just on a computer only. That video is a couple years old. Anyways.....
Some told me they could have a 100 or more books in stock with Amazon and Barnes and Noble. While Amazon shows 5 in stock with me. They said, once the stock gets low then 5 in stock becomes 4 then 3 so on. A email is sent to them to stock it back up, we really don't know how many books are being sold. That's where the scam comes into place. They say they are honest and loyal, I don't think so. I had people to tell me that there were 10 in stock to 20 in stock 5 in stock shows up on Amazon on their website. I can believe this could happen I really do. They did not want to send me a sales sheet either. That right there alone says something about it. They even said, they would waiver $25 too. This makes me so mad I can't stand it. You can Google Tina Ann Graves or Wolverton Mountain Woman my sites are right up there. Amazon is right up on the top too. Someone mentioned to me that I am probably making a killing from this and I will never know but later on I will every thing that is done in the dark will be brought to the light all in due time. They have a way to keep things under wrap for a long time needless to say that sucks. However I will be tweeting this link for a long time to come. That person also said, 210,000 followers and you have been on social media for a long time he has been with me since my Myspace days. I wish I could get back into that account. That is besides the point. My royalty check should have been descent not $86.50 that right there alone has SCAM written all over it. He told me to keep promoting because in the long run you will get your money and my blog is fabulous how I blasted out Outskirts Press by telling EVERYONE the truth nothing but the truth. This is your review and people should know about it you have every right in the world to feel the way you do. What Conway County, Arkansas done to you. You mentioned you are writing a book about you and your father's relationship. You are trying to get on Dr Phil, this would be right up his ally. He would be like a kid in a candy store with this. He told me to hang tight before I know it, the tables could turn and I should never ever give up writing because you are good at it, this is a bump in the road and it will be in your favor soon. I sure do hope so. I have been through too much shit in life to deal with this from Outskirts Press with their scam scheme! DO NOT USE THEM! You will never ever make your money back NEVER!

This is their website for me, Amazon, Barnes and Noble. (You will NOT get money from this, they got a system going on and I want to know what that is) I should have got a BIG lump sum from the beginning. From then on, it would be a hit and miss kind of thing hope for the best. I am so mad about this, if I had the money I would sue the hell out of them. I am hoping and praying that the FBI/IRS audits them and the authors to the fullest. There's a scheme scam going on here that's really bad. The book that I wrote, I went through chapters 1-46 with a fictional ending so I wouldn't get sued. Then I have to face this scam mess that I am in now. No one has thought about that. These are some heartless bastards. When I make the Dr Phil show, I promised I will let it rip. No holds bar for me! Something is just NOT right about this picture! It's no wonder I haven't snapped yet.

(My BOOK) Links
 
My KINDLE:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1478726520

My NOOK:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-wolverton-mountain-woman-tina-ann-graves/1118461383?ean=9781478726524&itm=1&usri=9781478726524&r=1

My Bookstore:
 
UPDATE:
August 5th 2014

I got a spread shit (sheet) from them 2 weeks after I posted my review. I had 3 professionals look at it and they called it a 'hot mess' and done it very quickly. So you can form an opinion on that for yourself.
I have made about $100 off of paperbacks an $200 off of EBook's and I have NOT heard from Barnes and Noble over my Nook. I will not here from them either. Probably LOST money.
I have around 210,000 followers and I made about $300 from Outskirts Press. You can form your opinion on that too. I would NOT use this company!
It will take the FBI/IRS to get this company and GOOD luck with that one!
It's a shame that I have to buy my books to make my money back. A lot of  people have reached out to me and told me I should have had more money than that. I got scammed. End of story. What can I do about it.?
My next step is trying to get my paperback to $9.99 and I am having a hard time with that too.  They don't want to listen to me at all.
I will continue to drop this link on my social media because at this point in my life, I don't give a flying fuck. Amazon and Barnes and Noble are rude to me now. I am a believer in KARMA. That's a fact!

To  sum up my thoughts on this, Outskirts Press raped my soul of existence when it comes to my writing. I loathe dishonest people! End of story!

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This is the BUY in bulk section. This was very surprising to me. OK, I have just sold 31 books so far, I got very little to none return on my Amazon and Barnes and Noble packages. I know it's because they needed my email and password for that. Yes, I got scammed big-time with my nearly quarter of million followers that I have on the Internet.  To buy my book in bulk if I wanted to buy them at $3.50 a book. I would have to buy 10,000 books. I'm going to put this very bluntly.  Let me reach deep down in my checking account and give these bastards $30,000 plus dollars.  Motherfucker please how can I do that when 31 books have been sold so far.  This company is some kind of fucking stupid.  I wonder how many more authors are getting screwed over. I bet everyone of them are. I done a step by step blog with my horror story.  This picture reads clearly with the bulk section.  Please don't be a special kind of stupid to publish with this company. I'm a special kind of something to warn people because being scammed is a heart-breaking feeling and it's hard to get over too. I hope this company goes down in flames with their scamming asses that takes 2 weeks to apply to their emails.  There's a special kind of place in hell for these fuckers!!!!
I want my book price to go down to $9.99 however I have to pay $149.00 for a set up fee. Yes, Outskirts Press is a total fucking scam don't use them! 
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Let this set in, here are all my links to Social Media and I had ONLY (31) books sold
 
My Twitter: (Over 200,000)
 
My (Instagram) (Over 7,000)
 
My (Personal) (Close to 5,000)
 
My (Facebook) (Over 5,000)
Goodreads (Around 3,000)
 
Before choosing this company. I have made around $300.00 on my book so far in 6 months I have close to 250,000 followers. I was sold out too. Some of my readers did not receive their book about a month took that long to deliver. To me this is a complete scam. They are all about you buying your own books and buy their packages which is NOT any good at all because they don't market your books. You WILL NOT make any money from Amazon or Barnes & Noble just a little bit that is all. To me they are keeping the money that is yours for their selves. Let that sink in. Outskirts Press doesn't think about how hard it took me to save up my money to publish this book or what I had to go through. This money was for my kids and their future and Outskirts Press doesn't give a flying fuck either. They keep the money and you get very little in return. I wished I knew what the scam was because I would expose it to the max. I don't want people make the same mistake as I did. I wished I would have researched better than I did.
 
So I set up a Gofundme account and hope for the best and I am very skeptical about it too.
 
 

May 1, 2014

Hardships and Adversities

That's the story of my life hardships and adversities. I have lived my life with a lot of WTF moments.  I truly, deeply don't understand it at all. I had to wash my hands away from some people because they were absolutely running me nuts point of crazy that was mind-blowing. They weren't happy if they didn't see me crying or I got so mad that I was about to have a heart attack at any given second.  They lived their life in doom and gloom by God you were going to live your life like that too. I just got to the point  I just rebelled and pulled away from the nonsense I didn't want to be around it anymore. Then I got to placed in a category of being crazy and unruly, out of control because I wouldn't play by the rules. I took a stand for myself. All I ever wanted was peace and tranquility.  I have had to struggle over the years and I finally got to the point I wanted inner peace. I went for it and I caused myself more pain than relief. That makes me so damn mad. However I'm going to pull through it if it doesn't kill me. The way I look at it death you don't have to struggle anymore because the demons are no longer there.  I'm a type of person that is strong-willed and hard-headed. I will go until I can't go anymore. Living in this particular county is extremely hard; mind-boggling and I hope and pray that I make it through to some better days.

This picture above takes my mental status on so many levels and it's no wonder I haven't snapped yet.  I will explain my month of April of 2014.  
      April 1st my laptop crashed I am hoping and praying I don't lose my pics or docs.

 Then I took my car to get it serviced my oil-pan was jacked up and the bolt was stripped.  However I got that taken care of; I don't think it was their fault but they took the blame. Something within me tells me different.  Then I was told my taillights were out. I got that fixed right away. Who doesn't need to get pulled over by a cop is Tina Graves. 

Then I was running late for work I looked at my car my 2 back tires were nearly flat. I about died. I got air in them right away and went on to work on my scheduled breaks I checked on my tires.  I had a warranty thank goodness to get them fixed. I finally got to the shop I told them I had leaks on my 2 back tires and I wanted them to fix it. Then they came back and told me my tires were fine. I knew right then someone let the air out of them. They agreed with me on that needless to say.

So I took my car to the shop to get my oil pan fixed . On my way to the shop my car got hot. Then I started to freak out. I told the shop what had happened however when I got there wrong part for my car. That was on a Friday.  I had to bring the car back to the shop on Monday.  However they put more antifreeze in they told me I had hardly any and just checked the other day and I had plenty. The shop ran my car for an hour no leaks there.  That was another WTF is going on here moment.  This was too much going on with my car.

 Then on my way home I was having battery problems.  So I got another battery when I had the chance and it didn't take that long I got a new one I did not need to be stranded on the side of the road. Monday arrived I took my car back to the shop and they fixed it. 

OK I finally got enough money to get another laptop. I was putting my work mode on high gear and anybody that is following me on Instagram knows I was work a lot. 

As of May 1st my laptop crashed (New) I only had it a few days.  I can honestly say my life sucks. I have to work hard at the hospital and I have to deal with way to much drama there and at my house. Anything strange happens I put it on my social media because I really don't care any more and that is a good way to timestamp my problems.  Now I have to take my laptop back and I have a 2 year warranty thank the lord for that one. See this is way too much shit I have to go through.  I am over half done with my 2nd book. I hope I get to finish it. People are pulling me down and God is pulling me up because I can feel it. I just hope and pray I make it through. All in due of respect,  I rather be walking with God than putting up this trauma drama I've had enough and that is a fact.  
All you have to do is Google Tina Ann Graves or Wolverton Mountain Woman. It will take you to one of my sites. My life sucks however I have to remain positive and I hope I walk out of this storm alive. I have been wanting to go on the Dr Phil show and now I have a gut feeling I will make it. It's all about timing.  When the time is right it'll happened.  I'm really on a life test right now actually I've been on it all my life it seems like. I just hope my mission is filled here before I die. My health has been bad for a quiet sometime now. I really need faith and let God take over. I need to finish my second book. These books are making me a better person all I need now is hope and I will pull through it like a champ. You know; I started this mission on 9-17-10 actually it started on 1-21-04, look it's 5-1-14 and the shit is hitting the fan around me. It's like I've been cursed or something. All I can say I will not back down not one bit. What I am doing is God's work through my eyes. There's a reason for this and I hope it surface really soon. I need a break in the worst kind of way.  

April 9, 2014

Conway County Arkansas; leaves a bad taste in my mouth!

Conway County Arkansas leaves a bad taste in my mouth. That is real talk! I will be ever so glad to move away from here. However I have kids and I just have one more year. That is what you call sacrifice of being a mother. If it wasn't for that I would have left a long time ago. I have one child grown another on his way. Then I can get the hell out of dodge never regret one moment of my decision. It was bad enough that I was run out of the county in 2005 I had to move to Sherwood. That was another nightmare. No support here for me but that is OK I got this.

My laptop and my car. My laptop got a bad virus in it. I hope and pray that I can recover my content like pictures and documents.  I see that Microsoft Word is my main problem; imagine that.  However I will take care of that problem when I get my new laptop.  I have never trusted living here and this makes it more obvious. I have always had a gut instinct about my living arrangements.  I will be taking care of that soon when I move. I had to do the best that I could do for what I had. I have pushed through a lot of bullshit around me. I put up with too much shit. My car I was waiting for that day. I will pay my $303.00 go on about my rat killing. The crackheads that I put up with. I will be glad to get a new car but I know I will not be living here when I get a new car. It is what it is and I will push through that too. I have no other choice.

My book must be a threat so that means the truth is setting me free no matter what I am going through.  This also states that a lot of guilty consciences' is on a rise. I will work twice as hard to get me another laptop and get my car fixed. No matter what they throw at me I will rise above it. Some of these people are pathetic and waste of my time. I don't know what this will accomplish for them because I will be sending my 2nd book off regardless of what is going on in my life. I had a couple people to tell me I can come up to their house and use their Microsoft Word if all else fails. It's sad that a person can't write the way they want to write because of obstacles like adults in the way.  I am halfway through my 2nd book. I will get through this because they are forgetting that God is helping me along the way. He knows this should to be done. He will get me there.

See I only exist here in Arkansas. I don't live I just exist.  I just breathe that's all. How can a person like myself live in a nasty environment when everyone is up your ass 24/7. You can't fart without someone knowing about it. This is a sad life I live but I will make it through.  When I get the hell out of dodge I will never ever regret it because I will be living my life for the very first time in my life I'm 40. I did not know that the truth with my 1st book making people go bananas like they have been doing. I see humor in it because the truth is setting me free no matter what is going on around me!

March 30, 2014

Tina's Soapbox


Soapbox 1
I have let this pass for a few weeks now and it’s time to put my 2 cents in. Here a few weeks ago I had a few family members to pull me to the side asked me. Why did I say that a certain person was not a good mother? I was like thinking to myself. WTF, is really going on here? I got blindsided by that one for sure. I have really good research skills now and I done what I do best digging up bullshit of 'he said she said' and I found the culprit and I nip it in the bud. She had done a fine job of instigating and causing problems with me and the family about my blog. However I went on to Facebook and started to delete family members and NO I am NOT fucked up about it, cause me drama your ass has got to go family or not! See, I have around 4000 friends on my personal Facebook and about 40 on that list know me in person and the rest has never talked to me before. So, I know who I need to look for and I will take care of it right away. If I have to wipe the slate clean so be it. I will keep my kids and brothers and in-laws ONLY. My 1st Facebook I had to get rid of it because of DRAMA! My 2nd, the last time I logged in was December 24th 2011 someone hacked my page and I never did get back in it again. I was at that point I was like fuck Facebook, no more for me until I was talked back into again and this time around I went in the author’s direction since I was writing a book. I had my Facebook about 7 months before family and friends joined in that I know in real life. I meant business when I said no more drama! I did not have time for it. I was thinking to myself here I had 4000 on my list and no one I mean no one has ever given me grief. I get along with these people that don’t know me except for the social networking circle such as Twitter, Instagram and BlogSpot so on. People that know me start shit and people that don’t know me don’t start shit with me at all. My mind was blown when I thought about that. I don’t understand it at all but I will get rid of your ass faster than you can blink an eye when it comes to DRAMA!

Soapbox 2
I will keep this short and simple and straight to the point. When you drink and carry on and you lock a kid out of the house, God doesn’t like ugly and he will take his gift that he gave you and place them with him or someone will take the kid in especially a good kid. I have NEVER in my life got that mad and I was mad that night. There was no sense in that kind of behavior at all when the kid is fully grown. I would never ever do that to my kids not in this lifetime. Ignorance is bliss!!

Soapbox 3
If you read my book, Maddie (book) AKA Meagan (real life) now I did not spell her name right either, I am watching my P’s and Q’s just saying. I had someone chew my ass out because I took up for her. I stood there and listened and I asked if they were done? Then I got on my soapbox. She is made out to be a horrible person just like me. There’s a BIG difference there, she lost her kids and I still have mine. Has anyone thought about these kids they will want to know the truth when they get grown? They will come and search ask questions that is a given. I took up for Meagan in my book because I know her children will eventually read my books. The truth is laying on the surface and I will be bringing it to life. I told that motherfucker you will be really mad at me with the 3rd book be sure to purchase that book and add to my royalty account. Meagan made mistakes yes, she did. We all made mistakes however these evil bastards took things a little too far I do believe. I will be glad to start my 3rd and final book of the Wolverton Mountain Woman series because I will be focusing on the slandering and bullying part of it. I promise I will shut the shit down in the process of writing that book. Meagan is a good person she just got pulled into the black hole and there’s no point of return either, you are in there for good once you entered it. They tried to pull me into that bitch of a hole however I am just a tad bit smarter than the cops and the informants just saying. Plus I had and still have people in high places of the law helping me out and I thank God every day for those people.

Soapbox 4


See, I am hustler and I will be like that until I die. So, I will continue my books and the 2nd one will be out soon. 1976 to 2011, I have a lot to talk about. When it comes to Kayli and Kade my kids that I love so much in this world I am doing this to provide them an education, home and car whatever they need so they don’t have to go down the road that I chose and STRUGGLE like I have. Any one gets in my way of these books or whatever they will have the wrath of Tina on their ass so fast and they will be begging to God for some kind of relief that is a promise I can make. I am going to take care of my mom too she deserves that much, I promise that. I am done with this county and I am going to take my life back. I lost a lot through the years yes I have. When I build back not here on the east coast that’s when my life is going to start, I bet there will be hell to pay taking my stuff away because it will NOT happened again.

 

Off my soapbox!!!

 

 

March 6, 2014

Suicidal Tendencies

This is a touchy subject for anyone. However there’s someone everyday pursues the mission and accomplishes it. When a person is pushed to the edge and they think there’s no way out, suicide is the only option. To the ones that have read my book, knows what I am talking about. I have been there a few times in my life needless to say. I think the last time was the scariest of all. 2010 was a horrible year for me at that time I had to move back to a place that I did not want to move back too. Why would I? My 2nd ex-husband would not let go of me and my ex brother in law would help my 2nd ex-husband to whatever he wanted.  I was tormented by the cops and I was tormented by them. I was thinking why would I want to move back? I was better off dead so I thought and to me that was the most logical answer at that time. I knew what I was up against and I knew what I was about to encounter and with no help at all none what so ever. That kind of torture is horrible and I was 36, I did not know if I could hold up to another beat down, I really did not know if I could handle it.  However it’s 2014 and I am here blogging for some reason God spared my life once again. I am very thankful for that. In that year of 2010, when I did move back, I had a lot of pressure from May to September. I gained a lot of weight and I always asked why was my life spared? Then I had a nephew in Denver, Colorado he did commit suicide and it went through he was just 21 years old a few days shy of his 22nd birthday. No one did not know what had happen in April of 2010 with me when I attempted suicide to be honest this is the first time I have opened up about it and its (2014) I kept my silence because my mom, would have lost her daughter and grandson in the same year if my planned went through. I look back and see the pain I would have caused everyone and then they would have had to go through it all over again with my nephew. I felt really bad and I had to keep it all inside because I did not know how to open up, to me I thought that was for the best. It’s all about timing.

 Now this is the reason why I stood up for myself and started to fight back in September 2010. I think it’s time to let the cat out of the bag. I was thinking about my nephew and I was thinking about my situation and I was like fuck this shit, let’s get a testimony up and knock this out the ballpark. A lot people really think they know me and they really don’t, my 2nd book is cleaning out my closet ode to my father since he is a POS. Why I think that, because he could not help me when these sorry son of bitches were stalking, slandering and bullying me running me into the ground with no hope and no control of the situation. You want to know why? He had his hands dirty in this county and they were holding that against him and he was making it really hard on me with my blog if you read my book you would know what I am talking about. Oh the south, oh the corruption. I just hate it! However that is OK. I am proud of my 2nd book. I am talking about stuff that I need to talk about and there is some stuff that I hid from a lot of people.  It’s time to be honest and open.


In this county I was told I wrote (a tell all book).  No, I am not writing (a tell all) book.  I am writing a cleansing book to cleanse my soul of toxic people that’s all. God has NO problem with it and that is a fact sometimes things need to be done like that and all I have been through and I have been through hell. I am one tough cookie. I have been in some horrible situations in life and I came through like a champ. I know when it’s time for me to go, I will be in the arms of the loving lord and I will be praying for the ones that need to be prayed for. I have hit a spiritual realm with my writing thus far and I thank God for that because he is good all day every day. My 2nd book, I am seeing things on a different level. I am seeing things on a 40 year old perspective. I can’t wait to publish that one. There are some that are going to be mad and there are some that are going to say, way to go Tina. When you get to a point in life that you don’t give a damn what others say, you are on a level that can’t be explained. It feels pretty damn good to me!

March 1, 2014

Standing MY Ground!

I have been standing my ground for a very long time now, oh, about 10 years or so.
I was asked if I regret writing this book and putting it out there like I did?

My answer was, HELL NO! It is what it is and I want my story out there, no ands, ifs or buts about it.
Chapters 1-45, that was MY journey through hell and how I survived I just don’t know. Chapters 46-54, now that was a fictional ending I needed a happy ending in reality my life is still the pits and I need a miracle really bad however I count my blessings not my problems on a daily basis. I pray, pray, pray all the time. That’s what keeps me going in this cruel county I live in.

I was told that a few were having fits over my book. I am going to explain this one, these people that are having a fit over this book. I got a few words for those type of folks. Guilty Conscience Complex; that is being honest about it. I went through hell and back several times over. I have every right to write these books and published them. Cops and the informants are having problems with me as well; they can pretty much kiss my ass to be honest. Now, I am NOT saying all the cops here are bad majority of them about 90%. Brutal honesty right there! Only 10% are good cops here.

I had another question asked…..
Do you really think that you will get on the Dr. Phil show? I am going to try my best to get there. That is when all hell is going to break loose. When I talk about this can you imagine my emotions my feelings, OMG ~ it will be off the charts no doubt about that. I can’t wait, I am ready. I am very strong willed and strong minded person, I will get there.

My second book is another blessing from God and I am glad that I am able to write this book and I am glad that I will be publishing it too. I am to that point in my life, I don’t give a damn. I am going to write and I will be doing it straight from the heart those are good reads needless to say. This is the best therapy ever; God is good, all day every day. I am thankful that is he is walking with me through my storm. When I get through it, I will be a brand new person inside and out. I am going to be on the east coast thanking God that I am NOT living in the south can’t forget Arkansas too this state sucks. Drowning in my pain that’s NO life to live, WTF! I will be living somewhere and be happy for once. I can’t wait for that day. I can’t wait to meet this certain man either, he lives on the east coast too. I can’t wait to get there and start a brand new chapter in my life and I deserve that much. Happiness is what I want and happiness is what I aiming for, amen! 


February 27, 2014

My Book Promotion, Thank You

The Wolverton Mountain Woman, here are several of my links: This is an actual place, you can Google these places in my book, I just changed the names of the people to stay out of the court room.
My Blog, the link below tells the story very well. Chapters 1-45, I went through that, that's all me now chapters 46-54 are fictional, like I stated I don't need to be in court. I am so proud of myself for doing this. A very brave thing to do. Book number 2, I am very proud of can't wait to publish. DO NOT publish with Outskirts Press!




ATTENTION PLEASE: Here are my links to my different activities that I have going on the Internet. My BLOG is a must READ
to understand my book and my upcoming books. I hope and pray to make the Dr Phil show.
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(My BLOG link) A MUST READ!
http://itinagraves.blogspot.com/
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Author Central
http://www.amazon.com/Tina-Ann-Graves/e/B00J1QCUY8
Good-reads
https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/30556892-tina-graves
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My NOOK:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-wolverton-mountain-woman-tina-ann-graves/1118461383?ean=9781478726524&itm=1&usri=9781478726524&r=1
My KINDLE:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1478726520
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My (TWITTER) Link
https://twitter.com/iTinaGraves
My (Instagram) link
http://instagram.com/wolvertonmountainwoman
My (Facebook) link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Tina-Graves/132151743601376
My (Personal) Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/itinagraves
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(My BOOK) Links
http://outskirtspress.com/WolvertonMountainWoman/
http://www.outskirtspress.com/bookstore/9781478726524.html







February 7, 2014

My 1st book, stepping stone to my 2nd book

My 1st book, I am so glad that it is here! You know if I had more money and more time I could have had a killer book. However I’m a poor ass bitch that doesn't catch a break nor do I have the time. I had to make the time and worked my ass off at the hospital to get a decent package for my book; I still had to borrow money towards the end because I wanted my cover to stand out. This was NOT an easy feat at all, I had to spill my guts out over the past and make a fictional ending to set it off right without landing in to court. I done the best with what I had and with what time I could give. My life is totally a mess and my book explains that much! I am not lying by any means and I feel oh so better getting it off my chest. To be honest I really don’t give a flying fuck what these people (who) I know that hates what I (have) done because they don’t have to go through the turmoil that I have to go through every day they don’t see that at all. My mom has been the only one that has seen the mess that I am going through each and every day. It just feels good that the beginning and the middle of the book was all ABOUT me and I talked about it. I thought I did a kick-ass job at the end of the book and I totally finished my ending in a psych ward how ironic was that. I have been drove fucking crazy by these people. I am so glad that I started this back up in 2010 on the internet. I look at movies that are a franchise and see the first movies not looking too hot or they could have done better with this or that. They were like me, doing the best with what money they had to start the project with. When the 2nd movie came out the movie looked better and things started falling into place. That is how I see my books; my first book may not be at its best or whatever. I thought I did well, when the money comes in the 2nd book will be better than the 1st because I can do oh so much more with it. That’s what you call starting from the bottom working your way to the top. I will have total of 4 books with my Wolverton Mountain Woman series. As I write my 2nd book I really don’t how I am living in 2014 I really don’t know how to be honest. God is really good; he has been carrying me for a long long time. Now I know what he is trying to do for me and my writing will guide me into a much better direction in life and I will be able to take care of my kids and my mom the way I want too the way I need too. I am going to have negative feedback and I am going to have positive feedback either way I am going to grow from this good or bad and become the person that God wanted me to be. I know that I am driven and strong-willed, like the story goes, get tough or die!



CLICK ON LINK TO PURCHASE MY BOOK:

January 1, 2014

2014

Before I start off with my Blog, I wanted to state that I am turning a very negative situation into a positive. I am reaching into deep dark realms of despair within my life and focusing on healing myself and my soul. Here in the south that’s hard to comprehend. I found an outlet and I am taking advantage of it through the help of God. There’s nothing wrong about healing myself and writing it in a story form. I am coming out of a dark hole and into light; I love every minute of it. I think I have every right to do this and I don’t have to make sense to others as long as I am learning and healing from my writing. This is my journey no one else’s. I just took a unique stance and I have no intentions of backing down what-so-ever.

I have come a long way since 2010 in retrospect since 2007, I really began to blog then however I have lost numerous Myspace pages because of hackers. That is OK though, it has made me stronger in the process no matter if they are here or not. Writing is such a sweet release and it keeps me from going to jail with that being stated I don’t have to worry about 3 hots and cot plus a dose of lethal injection. I am making it through this and even if I am losing a lot of people along the way, I just have a good feeling that God is leading me into a better direction in life.

My life has been in shambles since 2010. I have had to move and I had to sell all my stuff. I had to sell all my stuff not once I had to do that 3 times in my life. I got involved with the wrong men and after the 2nd time, I said, hell with it and I have remained single since 2004 I had to sell all my stuff twice over that sorry bastard. This time I really sank in a hole. The last time I got a car was in 2005, how I could get another car with the mess that my last ex made for me. I really don’t know how I am standing but I am God has a plan for me with my writing and that is a fact.

OK, here is the deal with my book. I am doing my books to get myself out of the hole, get my mom’s bills paid off too most of all I WILL make sure that my kids go to college and have a home and car because I know how hard that is and I will help my children anyway I can. I know one thing that is for certain, my children will never ever go down the path that I chose. My children are smart well behaved and very loved. I see a motherfucker get in my way over these books because I am telling the truth BUT in a fictional way. I will throat punch so fast they will wish they were dead. I have dealt with enough of the chaos and bullshit for a life time. Now I want to live in peace and tranquility. My kids come first and that is that. I will make sure they are taken care of.

I was told if anyone tried to sue me, that right there alone is a guilty conscience. People really don’t know of the ones that I am talking about and they might not want to be seen to be honest however I will make the Dr. Phil show, it will take some time but I will get there. I was told I really need to get my 2nd book online to step up in that direction where Dr. Phil can understand it better. I am halfway done with my 2nd book in a few months I should be good to go and send it off. I think that these people should see my emotions and how I really feel about this situation. It’s not going to be a pretty sight to see and that is real talk. I was told you will make an impact with the Dr. Phil show for sure.

Only the people that have problems with my blog, my book are the ones that are afraid of the truth that’s all. I have been through hell, oh about 50 plus times. Like the old saying goes, “Religion is for the ones that are afraid to go to hell, spirituality, are the ones that have been to hell numerous times like myself.” I am glad that God chose me to write myself out of this situation. I know deep down in my heart that I will help others out too because they will relate to it somehow someway. I just have bigger balls than most people around here because I am one fed up woman. 

 Why I chose Portland, Maine. I want a fresh new start and I want to be at peace and I want to live where no one knows me because all due in respect I don’t like to be fucked with. I have dealt with a lot of trauma in my life and I would like to heal from that before I die, I really would. I just want to be at peace and something tells me that Portland is where I need to start go from there. I know I will never be the same but I like to have a chance of happiness I think I deserve that much I really do. 

December 7, 2013

Depression Sucks Ass

Depression sucks ass that is an understatement for me it is. I am going through all kinds of emotions with my 2nd book. My 2nd book is based on my life and I am taking it way back to 1976 to 2011. My memory goes all away back to 1976 and I am really amazed at myself with this book. I have a good memory or someone is with me spiritually guiding me through this like my 1st book. I swear I felt some kind of spiritual guidance with me at that time no joke. 

I think that is why my book is so life like because it was MY life that I was unfolding. I have had to deal with so much stuff and I have encountered many things over the years and I am surprise that I am alive and kicking today to be honest. I have dealt with depression all my life but as I write about it my depression is leaving me and it feels so freaking good. I had a block about a couple weeks ago. I just wanted to stay in a cold dark room and not get out just shut everything off, I wanted to quit. I am head strong and I had to fight and fight real hard to escape that nonsense. I can’t afford to do that literally I can’t.  I am already in the poor house I did not need to be homeless and depression will put you there in a heartbeat. Because depression is not prejudice at all it will attack anyone that is weak and I refuse to be weak and let this get to me. I have to be strong and move along. I am overcoming things and even if I have to pull out the skeletons that are in my closet so be it. I am dealing with it. I needed to do this. 

I know at this time in my life I needed to write these books. I know I will piss some people off and some people will be proud of me either way I am proud of myself and that's what counts. I am conquering these demons that have been weighing me down for many years now. I think to myself so many people thought I was just a stupid little country girl from Wolverton Mountain and I would not amount to a hill of beans, they have another thing coming to them. I am a whole lot smarter than these inbreed assholes and I can’t wait to start on my 3rd and final book. 

However my writing has just begun. I will do a book of all books when I get my self-healing writing out of the way. I understand now why I chose the life like I did and I know now how to make my future brighter not darker and if I lose people along the way I am OK with that maybe that is for the best. God is good and he is guiding me in the right direction and it took me nearly 40 years to do it better late than never I suppose. He is an awesome man that is real talk. God knows I am trying and that is all that matters. I am doing right by this some may like it some may not, and the ones that don’t they are the ones that don’t want to hear the truth, end of story. 

November 26, 2013

My 1st Book

My book, it took me about 6 months to type up and almost 9 months to get published. I was really worried about the publishing. I paid for it all by myself and that was a big accomplishment for me. I got what I could afford at the time and when I can get more money I can upgrade my package to what I want, I am glad I went with this self-publishing company. I have been blogging for a long time now here on BlogSpot and MySpace too. This book took my anger and rage to places that I haven’t been before. I knew when I went into this I needed to change the names however I kept the places to make it more personal. I had to watch my P’s and Q’s too. I came to almost 50,000 words and here comes a writer’s block because this was still going on and I did not know how to end it. I knew that I did not need any type of lawsuits of any kind. I have talked to 2 professionals and they told me to keep my feet firm on the ground because of the ones that really keep up with my sites. So I sat down with one of them and they told me to own the ending make it fictional, so a lawsuit couldn't be brought against me. I sat there like WTF am I going to talk about. I thought at that point just scrap the book and say fuck it be done with it. He told me to stop that nonsense come up with an ending. He had a piece of paper in his hand and he asked me, what is one thing you don’t believe in? I told him and he wrote it down he ask me again what is another thing you don’t believe in? I looked at him crazy this time and I told him. He wrote that down too. Then he gave me the piece of paper and told me I have my ending and get to work on it. I was in shock; I told him I can’t do this. He looked at me straight in the eyes told me (yes) you can Tina. You got this. So I ponder on that note for 2 weeks. Of all the places to get that piece of paper out and look at it. The ending came to me. I was in a good place too. That was when I worked psych a lot. Yes, I wrote my ending in between my 15 minute rounds. I know right, I have been drove crazy and I complete my ending in a psych ward as I worked. Til this day, I shake my head with amazement. I had people all around me telling me that I own this book and I need to own the ending too. I am very proud of this book and very proud of the manuscript review team with the company I am going with. They absolutely liked it. That boost my confidence up where it needed to be. I can’t wait for this book to get online. I have always liked to write and I am glad that was able to do this and I overcame my problems with these people. I don’t think I will ever forget what had happen to me but I will forgive and go on because that will help me out. My 2nd book that one is about to kill me right now with depression but I have to hurdle through it like a champ just like I had to do with my first book. My first book I dealt with anger and rage now depression with my second book. I can’t imagine what my third and final book is going to bring me.  I am rolling with all types of emotions. I hope and pray that I get through it. 



You can Google this place and the county. There's already a book out about this county however I don't think there were many books sold at the time it was published to be honest. 

November 4, 2013

Immortal Hell

Immortal Hell that’s what I have been living in for the last soon to be 10 years of my life! I have been in a very long nightmare, it seem like it doesn't want to end for me. However I am about to end it with my fictional writing that I have done, I wish that I could have been more truthful with this whole ordeal but I don’t want any lawsuits. I have a knack in writing and I think that’s my second calling in life. I honestly believe that. I have been in the medical field for 21 years did not want to go that far to become an RN and I am glad I didn't because I want to remove myself from the medical field because it’s not for me anymore. I would have been a great RN but I don’t have the patience for the doctors because they are licensed thieves, end of story. In writing I find it comforting, motivating and stimulating.

You know since my 2nd ex-husband doesn't want to pay his debts and I have to pay for them however that is OK now. When my book royalties come in I can actually get my shit together because in the last 10 years it’s been hard to do. I can pay off this nightmare of collection over the years. I have worked myself to death and still can’t get ahead. I can’t get a college degree either. It’s a damn shame too that a person can’t get a break from all the corruption from one county and that is a very, very sad thing right there. I will take care of my mom’s stuff too and make sure that my son and daughter is set up and when it’s time for me to leave this world. I will have it set up my children they will get 50/50 out of my writings/publishing’s that is a promise. Through my writing my kids will get a college degree and have a better life than me. I will make sure that their needs are met that is a promise that I can keep. They WILL NOT go through what I have been through not gonna happen not in this lifetime. I love my kids. Whatever comes my way with these books good or bad, I have a backbone and I can take the heat. I will do anything for my kids.

I am so sick of this bullshit I have to live in and I am so glad I took this to the internet like I did in 2010. I am so glad that I am growing on the World Wide Web too I am growing every day that will be a blessing for me, my mom and my kids in the near future. I can’t wait to get my ass on Dr Phil either. I am not going to hold in my emotions and rage. I think people should see how I really feel about this situation and my dad’s situation. IDGAF what people around here has to say about it. If it is something negative they can suck my dick. I am that fed up. All I am doing is telling the truth and not sugar coating a damn thing. My cup has runneth over a long time ago.

I can’t wait to move to the east coast. I can’t wait so I can breathe again and I can’t wait to rebuild my life and this time I am going to rebuild it through writing. I done my compassion and hospitality work for a long time in the medical field and now I want to hang that up and go with the flow with words because words are beautiful. I am tired and exhausted because I can’t get NO where in life because of the nosy ass bastards that I have to deal with. I can’t wait for karma to zap their ass and make them feel like I felt, hopeless and nowhere to go just a dead end road of destruction for many many years. They need to feel what I have felt over the years. It’s not a good feeling to be burden with and trying to live your life in the meantime through the darkness.

I have a right to walk away from my dad too, I put up with mental abuse and control for 37 years. 37 years on an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Yes, there were good times but the bad outweighed the good.  I don’t have to worry about being mentally beat down any longer, I don’t have to worry about crying over hurtful words, I don’t have to live in fear and I don’t have to feel like a piece of shit laying on the floor because I didn't want to do something that I did not want to do in the first place. My second book, I see in a whole different light. I see things for what they are and it’s not a good feeling to have. I am proud to write this book, I needed to do this and God knows it too. God has been through every step of the way with my writing and I thank him for letting me to release how I feel. Amen!

Moving away I can heal myself and that is a good thing right there I need that so bad. I am glad that I am able to recognize it and walk away from it. I am NOT a bad person for doing so people think I am, they can kiss my ass, seriously they can! My cards in life that I have been dealt with have been a pretty shitty hand. I am NOT going to let this get the best of me any longer. It has got the best of me majority of my life. I am glad that I decided to write myself out of this situation through a self-publishing company I can’t wait to get started with them. I wanted to pay for this on my own, money doesn't come to me easy; I have to work my ass off for it that’s the God’s honest truth. A very smart move for a woman that has had a dark cloud over her most of her life because I still have that hope for better days to come. Since writing I have become more positive than negative, I thought I would never see the day. I am proud of myself. I think I have handled myself pretty good so far and I am so ready for my publishing’s in the near future. I have worked my ass off to the bone and it will pay off in the long run.