I love writing, I swear I do. My daughter graduated from high-school. I was really amazed how good I was and how I acted because I am NOT on meds. Meds are a cop-out there are ways that people can deal with life problems that’s real-talk. One doesn’t have to rely on drugs or alcohol in all due in respect your problems are going to still be there when you come off that stuff. I was nice to people that I had problems with at one point in time or another. I was even nice to my dad. I was told to be civil and I was. I know one day I will have to look at him in a coffin if he doesn’t get cremated. I totally understand that. At this point in my life, I am proud of myself. Man, I had so much hate in my heart. I know it had to be my writing for me to get over many situations I have. When I done my 1st book, I wrote about it and I put it in a story form. I got over the hump that I needed to get over. I forgave but I will never forget. Since I am doing my 2nd book, I am analyzing my situation with my dad and I am getting over that too. I think December of 2011, I snapped, I had enough of the mental abuse, I just walked away I couldn’t handle it anymore. He knew what he was doing and he doesn’t need to play dumb with me, I am so over that. I really don’t know if I will get emotional whenever he dies to be honest. I have so many mental scars over him and I have so mental scars from this county that I live in. They ran me into the ground full force. I think when I had my mental breakdown. I began to go into deep writing and released the demons that were bogging me down. My problems began like the matrix; I was putting the pieces together and understanding it all. I never thought that I could do this and I am simply proud of myself. I had a hard life, I don’t have the resources like normal people would and get a shrink. I had to be a shrink and teach myself. I was in a hole and I am still there but I am slowly come out of it. Most would have turned to drugs and alcohol. I chose to deal with it. I learned a lot about writing in 1993, when I had to sit through a few anger management classes that my uncle made me do. I told him 3 times that’s all and I wanted my name nowhere. Sometimes I think about that time and I should have gone through all the classes and had my name down. In 1993, I was a stupid little girl. I would recommend writing, I chose to publish mine other people don’t have too. Just writing things down, you get a better perspective in life and that is the God’s honest truth. I am glad that I am becoming a better person. I really am.
May 8, 2013
The truth hurts sometimes. I think that's why I am so proud of myself about these books that I am doing. See I have been in a sewer all my life, I have been up to my neck in shit my whole life basically. I am seeing that while I write my 2nd book. I am seeing things on a whole new level and I am amazed of what I am seeing on a logical perspective. Slowly but surely as I write the shit is rolling off. I am realizing a lot of stuff that I would not have recognize it if it was not for my writing. Writing opens your eyes to so many things. I am so glad that I did this and I really don’t care what these people think of me either. They can absolutely kiss my fucking ass at this point. It’s nice to have the shit roll off because I have started to live my life and I am 39, how sad and pathetic is that? It is what it is, living my life and telling it like it is. I would not have it any other way. Support or no support, fuck it, I will get through it. One way or another!
I have had my 1st book done since February 21st 2013. I was about to get burn with the 1st publishing company. To be truthful, I don’t know what I am doing when it comes to publishing. I wrote a book that I thought I could never do in the first place. I just don’t need to get burned by money hungry motherfuckers. Then I had to research a new self-publishing company and I feel good about this one and I hope it works out. I am in the process right now of getting my book online it will take time. I have put this in God’s hands and he has placed me with them with hope and faith it will carry me through. I just don’t want to get burned this is a story about my life and it took courage to do and I done it. I am really proud of myself and I think that I done the ending great because this is an ongoing situation. I kept grounded on a fictional basis towards the end of the book. I have to remind myself of legal matters as well. I had several people to read it and they loved it and I should not have any problems selling it. Stalking, slandering and bullying are very much alive these days and this is a good time to launch a book about it. I did live through hell and I am getting through it as best as I can. They told me those particular subjects all over the news all the time. When you get on Dr Phil it will be on then. I have always had a good feeling about these books and I am not doing wrong by publishing them. If someone has a problem with them, they don’t want to hear the truth and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, just saying.
My 2nd book I am proud of that one, I was told I have a best seller on my hands. I hope that dad reads it and understands. I don’t feel sorry for walking away from that situation either. I could stand in a circle and look around me and I have no regrets what-so-ever because my writing is building me into a better person not a bitter person. I had a chip on my shoulder all my life and its slowly coming off and it feels so good too. If I died, after all my books are published I would know one thing I will be in a better place and having God to have my back feels great. That’s real talk.