September 10, 2015

September 17, 2010 to September 17, 2015, 5 years of H-E-L-L!

In one week, 5 years going on towards my testimony. My blogs, my timestamps.

In two weeks, going on 6 months of hell with my wreck. No car, no job, no money. I'm the victim, I still remain in the pits of hell. The corrupted SOBs put me there.

I loathe Arkansas I fucking hate this state!

Then I have to see my 2nd ex husband the one that has caused all this bullshit for me. See him going up and down the road makes me sick to my stomach. He is the main cause of this situation and I would give anything to have a delete button in my life, that part of my life would be forever gone. I promise.

I wrote a book and told the truth and getting punished because of my wreck I think not. I'm a warrior goddess motherfuckers remember that.

Then have the Fast and the Furious to be replayed in real life by a young man. I would love to ask him a question or two. Stopped on a hill, decided to run a stop sign doing 60 miles plus an hour. Thinking it's cool to do so. I think not, he could see me coming down the road and he sees the 18 wheeler stopped at the stop sign (opposite side) waiting for me to pass by. The young man thought he could beat me and charge over the intersection without stopping at the stop sign as fast as he could go. It didn't work out to well he hit me flipped landing upside down by the 18 wheeler. From that day my life turned upside down and began my living fucking hell for me and my family. Thanks a lot heathen. The report looks like a fender bender. Imagine that!!!

I think what pissed me off the most my mom saying this caught my attention very clearly. She left the wreck scene to go to the ER with me and thinking the police would do their jobs and do them right. That's why she or WE will not step foot in the state police building because they lied at the wreck scene, why would it make any difference going there and be lied to all again relive the nightmare. She holds truth with that statement.  I refuse to put my pinky toe in that building because I don't want any more knives stuck in my back. Real talk real truth baby. It angers me that my mom doesn't have faith in the state police but it really angers me I have no faith in cops. To me they are lying bastards. Hey, I am calling it like I see it being defeated like I have, you can't blame me at all.

Going on 6 months with no car no job no money. Getting punished by writing a book and getting punished by others protecting the crooked cops and 5 heathens. No reckless driving, no speeding at a school zone, no alcohol in possession by minors that were all under 19 years of age,  on my police report. Just failure to stop at a stop sign, not wearing a seat belt, nothing more nothing less.  But it was my fault and today I'm still trying to figure that one out. I'm the victim I had the right of way and I am getting a total bashing from hell. I don't see fairness in that. The police hung me by trauma. There's not a price tag to be placed on my pain and suffering.

Civil suit, oh yes, there will be one. I really loathe the intimidation that is going on around me and the threats can't forget that. Oh you will have to spend all your money from your settlement to get a civil lawyer. Wrong motherfuckers! A civil lawyer will look at the pictures and look at the police report and my book run with it like a boss. Like a lawyer mentioned to me, we will worry about the money at the end because sweetheart I know you don't have any money to start this but the ending will be just fine the leverage you have seals the deal darling. Your first settlement should go towards making you whole again since you went through a terrible nightmare and to get everything back on track. See I'm not a dumbass after all. I'm quite intelligent needless to say. I loathe intimidation and threats because it will NOT work with me. Any civil lawyer in the US, would take this in a heartbeat because he/she will see potential for a class action lawsuit baby. 35% per person a smart lawyer will take that on with the quickness. A few have seen my pictures and police report see great potential there without a doubt. No money down just let us have it we will worry later about money kind of mind set. I love smart lawyers like that. They know their law. I'm far from stupid hate when my intelligence gets insulted. One said, just one interview on TV it will be like wild fire spreading across social media because tons keep up with me anyways. That's extraordinary he mentioned. Nice to see that kind of clout on the Internet.

Don't get me wrong little darlings about the police. They are good ones and they are bad ones out there too. What people should do is put my shoes on their feet. They were going to work minding their own business an accident happens find out later, you got hit by a drunk driver and the state police covered it up. How would you feel about that if it happened to you? How would you feel if you would have died the alcohol would have never shown up. It's a devastating thing to deal with and live with, trust me I know all about it. I have great amounts of PTSD from this. I live with this every fucking day of my life continuous nightmares over and over again. Why the civil suit get rid of the bad cops because the good cops well the bad cops are making them look like a POS too that's a true story. I loathe police corruption and police brutality I can't stand it. Above the law is bullshit nothing but bullshit. Abusing their authority makes me vomit.

My anger issues are off the charts now, it will take a long time for me to get right. Getting a civil lawyer, he will get me a psychiatrist because he will know my PTSD will be kicking into high gear because I'm reliving everything. I have nightmares and recurring dreams of all the traumatic events that has happened in this county. Sometimes I wake up at night I'm full of rage because of the trauma I have been through that rage I have is scary. I'm hard person to live with to deal with because I have been defeated for so long now. Yes, I have the 'fuck the police'  attitude. Why not? Look what I have been through. I have been through hell and back 100 times over. That's why I'm a feisty non compliant woman because I stand my ground if it nearly kills me to do so.  That's all I know, how to take up for myself when no one else would.

I have lived an American nightmare to the fullest still living it. That's why I want to move to the east coast because peace and tranquility and solitude resides there and my heart speaks up and is at rest there. I will live in New England I bet your sweet ass on that bitches. After all I have been through since 2004 I deserve that much. I should already be living in New England right now, working going on with my life. I was moving there 2nd week in June. To think about it as of now makes me sick. I should be living my life not a damn nightmare.  Oh, I deserve a spot on the Dr Phil show too and trust me I will get there with my civil lawyer right by my side I betcha.

Kayli and Kade, they have a mother that is emotionally, physically and mentally ran down. I can't provide for them like I want too. I feel like a POS to be honest. I have very good kids. Has anyone thought about their needs and what it's doing to their mother. They have to witness this too. Certain people should think about this because it's affecting them on great levels. I loathe this situation I swear to God I do. Makes me so mad I can't see straight. Inhumane at its finest. My kids are 18 and 20 they are not little kids. They see this on a mature level. They see the pain the hurt that dwells in me on the daily. That hurts my heart and soul.

Let's talk about the my car, I had a NEW car until it got totaled by a heathen. My first new car in 10 years because I was never able to afford one. I got to drive it for 6 months to the day. Let me mention my last doctor's visit. I wish I could go back to that day. At first I couldn't work, then I got on light duty. Which at the hospital there's no such thing and I have an email that said that by my ex boss, NO LIGHT DUTY work here. She always mentioned to me I need to work. I got tired of saying that I don't have a car. I quit saying it. My mom's car I couldn't make a schedule at work because I never knew when I could go in if she needed the car I couldn't go to work. At the time of the property damage settlement, I couldn't work. I couldn't lift. I could not afford a car payment when I could not work how was I going to pay for it. It was no win situation for me not at all. Jabs by the doctor, jabs by the firm, jabs, jabs, jabs, I don't have a car to perform daily activities. This wreck was not about me. I was left in the pits of hell from the get go. It was about protecting crooked cops and 5 heathen boys. Fuck Tina she is on her own. If I could cuss that doctor out I would. This wreck was not about me and my needs. Since working was shoved down my throat, I wished these motherfuckers would supply me a car to get there. I did try to work first week in June, my back could not hold out. I was having problems. I wish people would lay off about working because I have NO car to get there.

The Civil Lawyer meeting
He put all the pictures together one by one. He laid out the police report. He placed my book at the end. I already knew what he was about to say.
1) Alcohol was at the scene, it's all over the pictures. Sobriety test to EVERYONE even YOU! I was laid out in the middle of the road.

2) The pictures shows a school. High speed and reckless driving at a school zone. Truck turned upside down that meant he was traveling at a high speed.

3) You passed out several times at the wreck. You needed to stay over in the ER/hospital for observation not be in and out like you went through. Sometimes an MRI and Cat Scans can't catch stuff at the very moment.

4) Pictures should have been taken. That right there shows they were protecting the boys. Alcohol was everywhere.

He said, it was a set up and a cover up. The pictures the police report and your book tells a story. He looked at me and said do not let them intimidate you or threaten you. You don't have to use your settlement for civil that settlement is for YOU to make YOU whole again to make things right in your life like they should be your experiencing a nightmare a very bad one. All you have to do is give me one dollar, I will take your case on. We will take a picture with it in the beginning and a picture in the end. Any civil lawyer will take this on without a doubt. He told me medical will be redone to rest his mind. However one nerve damage seen, I know the consequences, you don't, I do. You shouldn't have to worry about it. A psychiatrist is a MUST for PTSD that you are dealing with. He told me do not let them punk you down. This civil can turn into a class action lawsuit it's there. I told him, God, couldn't get out of this if he tried. He stated you are absolutely right.

Here's the million dollar question, what has my mom, Kayli and Kade done to deserve to live with a monster, which I am talking about myself. My PTSD is off the charts. What have they done to deserve this? This is a simple wreck with tons of pictures to tell the story different from the police report, it should have been done a long time ago. This has created a monster in me. I have gotten blamed from the get go on this and it was clearly NOT my fault at all. This absolutely positively truthfully makes me sick. I have been picked up and slammed on the ground since my wreck, March 24th 2015. When will this fucking nightmare will end so I can start my civil case? That's the million dollar question!!!!!!!!!!

Let's talk about my PTSD and my depression. My PTSD ranges in so many directions. However RAGE is the main one if people actually knew what I thought I bet them a million dollars it would scare the shit out of them,  I promise that much. The RAGE inside me is indescribable. Sometimes I scare myself that's being as honest one can get. When I get to that level, I isolate myself from the world until it passes. Then I have depression, I lay in bed for days in and days out for days. Don't want to move, don't want no one to talk to me. Leave me alone attitude. I do a lot of crying so much crying it's unreal. I have no car, no job, no money. That just tears right through me pisses me off. I feel useless worthless a POS. I had a hustler mentality now I don't. I think back what the cops have done to me since 2004. What my 2nd ex husband has done he brought on all of this on me because I would not take him back. The good ole boy system at its finest. Thugs and crooked cops destroy my life and my happiness. I finally found a way out I was supposed to move to New England in June the 2nd week to be honest. I wanted out of Arkansas so bad because of the stress I was living under looking over my shoulder and so on. When I was in New England, I was breathing, living and enjoying myself something that I haven't done in ages it felt so fucking good too and I missed that, I want it back.  I had my 5th visit just a few weeks ago and I wish I was there right now.  Most of the time I wish I would have died in that wreck. I would have been better off. Everyone around me would have been better off. I see no fairness in this wreck. This wreck was not about me, this wreck was about protecting the crooked cops and the heathen boys not about me and I was the victim here LOST everything and I am the one that is getting shit on. There's not a day that doesn't go by I wish for death upon me, hoping I don't wake up just let it end for me. I feel like I am being punished and I have lived through enough punishment to be honest. I want to live in New England and I am stuck here because they don't want to finish this 1st case up that's why the stalling. This 1st round should have been over with by now, so I can start my civil case. Why the delay because of the protection of the monsters that caused this for me. I loathe Arkansas, I hope I move soon. I will never ever move back here not in this lifetime I am done with Arkansas so done. Now I'm hoping and praying I can draw out my retirement pension from my last job so I can have money, I need money. This is ridiculous that I have to go to unusual extremes to survive in Arkansas. That's all I have been doing here is surviving and existing not one ounce of living here in Arkansas.  Here I am the victim and I am getting punished to the max because I survived a wreck and wrote a book I told nothing but the truth so help me God. I don't understand why I didn't die March 24th I'm still living in hell. I would have been so much better off dying than surviving. Sometimes I just drop to my knees and cry out, why this test? Why me?  How strong do I have to be before I break into? The cards that I drew for this lifetime is such a fucking bitch. Lessons upon lessons not blessings upon blessings. If I'm the 'chosen one' why am I drowning in a sea of pain and torture.  

Stop right there. You can tell by my popular posts how much blog traffic I get. I get thousands of hits on the daily.  
To the ones that know me and running their mouths please swing by my place we can discuss it. 
My own mom and she was born in 1944. She stated, this has got to be the worst thing she has experienced in her life and she also stated the unfairness when it comes to me the mental torture to ones soul is unbearable. It's a total nightmare and a price tag can't be put on this situation at all hell no.  
No, I don't feel sorry for saying what I have said. I have been pushed to this point. They have created a monster. I have not been kept informed at all. When someone calls they are wanting this bill or that bill. No, I don't feel sorry not in this lifetime. At the moment I feel like a prisoner in Arkansas I can't go anywhere. That's where my breakdowns come in place. I loathe a lot of people in this state. I have every right too. The ones that are around me they do see the unfairness. I have to draw out my retirement to survive. That right there is sad and the scum I have no remorse for. All I know when I do get on TV and I will get there I promise. When the shit goes down everybody better be ready. That's a fact baby. 

September 17th 2015

Today makes 5 years of dedication to this blog with my writing, since my wreck, I am mentally, physically and emotionally broken down. I am numb and I am at the bottom can't sucker punch me anymore I couldn't feel it. It severely pisses me off. Now I am in hopes of drawing my retirement out and they don't penalize me too bad for it. My kids need clothes and other things. I am running out of everything, I have hardly anything left. My anger issues and depression grows every fucking day. I hope I can draw out my money. I think it's pathetic I have to do this but it is what it is. I trust no one but my mom, Kayli, Kade which I can't wait to move to New England. I will get there soon, I just know it. I sent out a serenity prayer and hopefully next week will be a good week. I am praying and doing my rituals for a much needed break.

September 24th 2015

Today marks 6 months since my wreck, 6 months that my life has been on hold. No car, No Job, No money. All I was doing that day of March 24, 2015 was going to work and doing my daily routine nothing more nothing less. September 24, 2015, I should be living in New England and going on my daily routine of working and paying bills just living my life because I couldn't live my life in Arkansas the way I wanted too. However that did not happen for me needless to say. A nightmare from hell appeared out of nowhere. My life was in inches being taken away from me and my family. All I am left with is a false police report. Cops and heathen boys were protected that day and as of now too. I have 30 something pictures that tell a different tale. God, himself couldn't get out of this if he tried. I am the one that is being punished to the max. I did not do one motherfucking thing wrong that day. What? I wrote a book. I wrote a book about the truth. That's what I did. So, punishing me and starving me out and not being able to take care of my kids is my torture everybody around me is being punished too. Hmmmm, if I lied in my book that day I would have died, hands down NO lie karma would have gotten my ass. The God's, the universe and my spirit guides knew I was working my way out of Arkansas and I guess they thought I had a job to do before I left. I landed in a pile of police corruption and police brutality. That's why they carried me through my wreck. Well, I hope I am as strong as they think I am because I am beaten down to the ground at the moment no more sucker punches for me. I am numb I couldn't feel them if I wanted too. I hope they chose the right one to do this job because I am not for sure. I am one tired motherfucker. I am physically, mentally and emotional drained there's nothing left of me. I need a recharge. I need my personal injury check to make me whole again and get the fuck out of Arkansas. However, threats and intimidation is getting on my last fucking nerve because I am NOT backing up this corruption. I am going to take this to a civil lawyer and pursue a civil lawsuit. I straight up don't give a fuck if this county doesn't want a civil lawyer in here or not. They shouldn't have covered the wreck up in the first place. My pictures (alcohol everywhere) my very false police report and my book (my book of truth), cinched the deal. When I get on national TV when the shit goes down everybody better be ready. I don't give a damn, no one didn't give a damn when I was laying out in the road passed out from my wreck. They were too busy covering it up. Sorry motherfucking assholes because I wrote a book about the truth. I will find out who covered this up and I will make sure they are fired and they are on TV for the world to see what they have done to me. Going on 7 months of my life being on hold part 1 should have been already over with by now. This wreck has mentally fucked me up to the core. I am a recluse. When the civil lawsuit starts up. I will feel sorry for the psychiatrist because I will have to go back to when it all began, he or she will need prayers because my rage will be off the charts. My rage is very scary right now. I can't wait to move to New England to heal, healing is what I need. Yes, I will travel back and forth for my court dates. I trust NOT a motherfucking soul in the state of Arkansas. I never ever will again. My ONLY support system  is my mom, Kayli and Kade, that is it. I will be glad to move to New England. I need peace, tranquility and solitude. My future shrink will agree with me on that one I promise. I can't wait to grace my presence on national TV and tell this story like a boss. I ain't scare either, go ahead make my day motherfuckers, threaten and intimidate me IDGAF anymore. I dare you. I will NOT back down from this. Justice will prevail for me, I bet your sweet ass on that. The truth will come out! Being 6 months without a car, job and money has turn me into a raging fucking bitch. I am out for justice and I will get it too. I am on a mission.

My Book........

People are asking about my book. I am NOT worried about Outskirts Press, they will get their day one day. Karma will be knocking soon. I placed that out of my hands a long time ago. I just keep my blog out there to warn people that's all. Yes, they have fucked me over however I am NOT worried. I haven't got a royalty check in a year and a half so that is that.

My book will be pulled and I can add my wreck to it and I did leave out a few things I will add those. I will revise it. Second addition. I have a feeling once I am in the public eye, not behind a computer screen, nor tablet and MOST of all a phone. My book will be republished and a movie will be made from it. I have a story to tell. Universal Studios will have a field day with this I am sure.

My wreck nearly killed me, my wreck has blessed me. The God's the universe, and my spirit guides took over. All the heartache I have been through for many many years and wrote a book, got screwed over with that too. The spiritual world is helping me and I do thank them for that. They know what I have been through and it's been a living hell. I need blessings upon blessings for me, my mom and Kayli and Kade. The spiritual world is guiding me in the right direction and on the right path. I love them dearly for that too.

August 2, 2015

Victim's get the WORST punishment of all. True Story.

To me victims don't get treated fairly at all, the horror they have encountered and the horror they have to go through.

I have been defeated since 2004, one beat down after another. Continous cycle of tread beaten hell on one's soul. This county gets away with murder literally it does. Take my word for it. I'm telling the truth.

I am a woman and I take up for myself I stand up for myself. So therefore I've put myself in a position of being unruly and out of control deviant spawn from hell. In the south women shouldn't say a word. I'm like fuck that rule. I beat to a different drum and I stand up for myself. No one I mean no one will ever run over me. Not in this lifetime.

However this wreck, has broke me down. I so can't wait to get a civil lawyer and take my ass on the Dr Phil show. That's where it's at. I feel it deep down in my soul. My civil lawyer sitting right by me and let the discussion begin and the meltdown take place.

For someone driving to work, minding my own business my life went to hell over a wreck. I just want to know why cops can't do their jobs right in the first place. Parents, other influential cops, pay offs to make alcohol disappear. Here we are in the sign of times of cell phones. Pictures and videos are being taken constantly. What kind of dumbass move was that? Treat the wreck as a fender bender and it was a fucking war zone that happened and I was inches from death. Guess what? This accident was uncalled and shouldn't have happened in the first place. That's the God's honest truth.

See I've been dealing with PTSD for a long time now. I've have always kept it under control. However this wreck put it in a different realm. Knowing you were set up because the pictures and the police report doesn't add up because you see nothing but lies upon lies. I am one inch from snapping because all the bullshit that I have dealt with since 2004. It's turned me into a different person. I've had enough my patience is tapped out.

Well this will NOT be swept under the rug after I find the meanest God damn civil lawyer in the US,  I betcha. I want whoever covered this up parents, cops who the fuck ever. Now it's approaching August and this happened in March. I want to know who done this to me. I want their names and faces exposed into the media. I want people to know what I have been through the pain and suffering I have endured over these past 4 months. The agony the mental anguish the constant hell I live with every day. I want their asses fired from their jobs.  They didn't give a fuck about me when I had my wreck. I sure in the hell don't give a fuck about them when their lying asses get exposed.

No job, no money, and most of all no car going on for 4 months now. My car was 6 months old to the day when I had my wreck first new car in 10 years. Plus I can't work my mental anguish is on a very high level at the moment. I stay off to myself it's for the best trust me. I have to limit myself from other people. This round should  have been over by now but it's not because people can't do their jobs right tell the truth in the first place. The pain and suffering I'm going through there's no words for it. I need to get this civil suit going asap. I've put up with all I'm putting up with. I have kids to support too. Has anyone thought about that????

I'm not going to feel one bit sorry for these people that have made my life a living hell. Whatever they get they deserve it. Karma is such a bitch you know. My family and friends get threatened over this, well, there will be another lawsuit from hell. At this point in time on August 2nd 2015. I straight up don't give a fuck. I'm done stick a fork in me. Now I want justice and guess what? I am going to get justice for all the wrong doings that I have encountered I promise you that much. This bitch ain't backing down. Boom!

FYI-I don't take intimidation too well. To be honest it pisses me smooth the fuck off. I will chew you up and spit you out in heartbeat. I am the the wrong one to intimidate. My kids, my family and my friends don't never threaten them because you think this lawsuit is bad wait for the next one that's gonna be the bad one. I was not the one that covered the wreck up. I am NOT at fault here. I am the victim here. These bozos finally got caught. This has got to be the stupidest thing I've seen in my life. However this is going to teach a lesson which God has a plan for me and I know what to do. I bet cops will think twice next time. If anything happens to me, the FBI is in this county the second they find out. The FBI will be their worst nightmare not me. I didn't bring this on, covering it up with malice brought this on just sayin' this is not my fault stupidity is at fault here not doing their jobs right in the first place.

Someone brought something to my attention, they covered up my wreck what if they covered up my medical too or used someone else's or whatever. My anger issues are off the charts at the moment but this really pissed me the smooth the fuck off because I never thought about that. If they can do devilish things at the wreck scene yup they could do that. Whoever is involved in covering this up may they ALL go down in a blaze. May their names and faces be smeared all over the state of Arkansas on TV, in the papers may they suffer like I have. I WILL NOT feel one bit sorry for the low lives. Nope not me, they didn't give a flying fuck about me and all my give a fucks have flown away I have none to give. My civil lawyer will take care of the medical I betcha. I still get numb and I do have headaches. I did passed out at the wreck. I was in the ER like it was McDonald's. Dear God Dear Universe and Dear Spirit Guides and Karma please take whoever did this down pretty much straight down to hell. This is what you call a full blown scandal at its finest corruption all the way to the bone. When this comes out it will NOT be pretty it better favor for me in the highest degree.

UPDATE 8-19-15

I remember in 2004 I had to go to Denver for 2 weeks because I had a nervous breakdown thank God for my brother. I put that in my book as well. Then get emotionally physically mentally broken down in 2015. When is this nightmare gonna end damn it?

Going on 5 months still no car, no job, no money, no settlement to get my life whole again,  I came out to the east coast before I had another nervous breakdown but I still see no relief here either my mind races because I was done wrong. No one I mean no one wants to communicate with me. I need some kind of money to make my life whole again. I'm suffering and my mom and my kids are suffering too. As I gathered some information here I have learned a lot. I guess at the wreck scene was corruption because they left out the alcohol and a lot of other things, I suppose my medical has corruption on it as well (who knows) if they covered up one place they will do it again. Low and behold the firm I picked out looks like corruption there too. My mind is completely blown and confused over that and I don't trust them at all. Talking about the slaps in the face I'm getting. The pain and suffering is so unbearable sometimes I just wished I would have died in the wreck. I would have been so much better off rather living in this nightmare. I am stuck in corruption and scandal no one to help me. I know what I need to do. I got to take this to the media and go to the FBI building to seek help. My depression is getting worse. I'm trying to hold up but it's so hard to do. I just wish I can get on Dr Phil right now so I can get help for my depression and PTSD.  I just wish motherfuckers would have done their jobs right in the first place. I wouldn't have to deal with high amounts of pain and suffering like I'm dealing with right now. Some days I feel like giving up. The pictures there's no way in hell they can get around this none what so ever. Can't.....  The police report is a sham too. A cover up that went wrong.

I'm going to think like this, my settlement will be shit. No one will get fired over the cover up. I've been punished like a motherfucker by no means this was not my fault. What makes me think any differently now because I have lived straight through a nightmare. I have literally been drug through hell. I will prusue a civil lawyer because people like that covering up wrecks for a favor for a favor or revenge should not be allowed to work in the criminal justice system. Victim's get the worse punishment ever. It's all about the crooked people not the victims that's a damn shame too. I will not have any remorse on anyone when the civil takes place. No one had any kind of remorse for me. Fuck'em and feed them fish heads. I will think the worse until I get a better lawyer. A lawyer that will keep me updated not leave me in the dark all the time wonder what is going on and will it favor for me. I'm done stick a fork in me. I see this is being swept under the rug like it didn't happen all in my head bullshit. The wrath in me will appear and I will come out with furious vengeance of the ones that did me wrong. I have no intentions of backing down from this scandal and corruption someone is going to pay for the wrong doing of my pain and suffering that is a promise that I can keep. These people danced now it's time to pay the fiddler.

stop right there
The cluster fuck continues

Ok, I went to New England for 2 and a half weeks to stay with a friend and took care of business. He knows all about my situation and I showed him the mess I was in. He knew I was in a cluster fuck. Then I came back to Arkansas which I dreaded all away to my bones. So, I made my mind up to go to an agency for help.  As I got my folders out looking for papers and such horror I seen some were missing and my folder seemed lighter. Yes, these idiots have access in this house where I live at. It's complicated to explain but it can happen without a doubt. I took a deep breath. I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs to be honest. I told myself the firm has copies of everything, what was in my folder the firm had a copy that's what I kept telling myself. Then I got some bad news, which they weren't gonna tell me at first but they did. So much for my peace and tranquility solitude in New England that shit went right out the door. Oh, how I wanted to be back there so bad it hurt. I took another deep breath. Well, if the firm doesn't have copies of what I have already gave them numerous times. Then I know what's up. Why is my life so complicated with this wreck? Why is this cover up being tightly fitted like a blanket. I got the leverage no need for this the pictures and the police report doesn't match. This is nothing but full blown corruption and scandal. I hope the firm is on my side if they are on their side it's gonna be bad for them because I will not have any remorse what so ever. I'm praying to God they are for me. So, I am going to keep thinking everyone is corrupted at this point until I have been proven wrong. Even this agency I'm going to tomorrow. Mom and I. I'm going in there like they are corrupted, why would I think any different. What I have been through the nightmare I'm living my mom is living it and my kids too. I'm a hard person to live with here in Arkansas. I'm not a bundle of joy at all. My depression and PTSD is taking me down every day I live while I'm in Arkansas while I go thru this cluster fuck. See in my opinion I need my personal injury check to make my life whole again. My check should be so good and outstanding that I can tie up loose ends in Arkansas and start my life out in New England with no financial problems at tow. I found a house out there and I want to buy it. It was made back in 1960 a great fixer upper. I love the aura of the house it draws me in every time I go look online at it. I should have enough money to do what I need to do. I need peace tranquility solitude a safe haven house to live in while I pursue my civil case. I will travel back and forth for the civil case. I don't want no part of Arkansas what so ever. I'm done here trust me. However in my civil suit I want my medical redone because I don't trust anyone here now. They covered my wreck up why wouldn't they cover up my medical too. I found a civil lawyer in New England I hope and pray she gets it. She's a true bulldog and I need that right now in my life. I need to get on Dr Phil too. Yup, I'm going to bust this shit wide open. I will not feel sorry for anyone that has done me wrong. The civil lawyer should be able to help me out. Get me the help I need. I need some kind of relief this pain and suffering is about to kill me. Just remember my Blog is a timestamp of my thoughts and feelings if something happens to me this will be a great place to start for the true criminal justice system out there. By no means I am dumb, I am not paranoid, I am just watching my own back because no one else has it. I am a lot smarter what these motherfuckers give me credit for. I have been beaten to the ground and so has my mom. If this visit doesn't go well for me and my mom, we are going on to the National level to get help. We need relief and we need relief now not 6 years from now. The pictures and police report speaks for itself it's a done deal. When people look at the pictures and the report they are totally blown away from it their facial expressions are priceless. It's there for the eyes to see. I want answers and I will get them I will go to the highest extreme if I have too. Not backing down from this situation at all. I want the truth I want it now.

(=) (=) (=) (=) (=)
Dear God Dear Universe and Dear Spirit Guides please get me back to New England where I had peace tranquility and solitude. I felt alive and well out there. Thank you very much!

I am going to be adding to this blog. After yesterday I see that my wreck and my pictures are causing problems. Everyone is dancing around my wreck trying to keep it covered up. Now I'm in a position of being killed. I see that quite clearly. Whoever covered up my wreck is trying to keep it that way at all cost. Now I'm in prayers to get this out in the right hands. I need this to be on a national level. I am definitely a thorn in the sides of the ones that are trying to keep it cover up. I have copies of everything in so many different places if something happens to me. Now I hope I get through this. Treading on dangerous grounds is scary but I hope to live to tell the tale. If I do get killed the right ones got copies they know the lawyer to get. He handles death cases such as this. I'm in the kill zone now. I am being stopped in my tracks. Every place I go I am being stopped. I've been told by the higher ups this was not a criminal act I beg the differ. My Hooterville story trilogy tells the tale. I am in a big mess and they are trying to keep it covered up at all cost. I need a good lawyer a bulldog. This is a serious matter no one is taking it serious.

The phone call I got today, I will definitely get screwed over on the settlement. Man, alive this is bad. My wreck was covered up big time and it will stay covered up until I get a civil lawyer I see that quite clearly now. I got to find a bad ass motherfucker from hell. They are dancing around the cover up like it didn't happen. This is a bad mess to be in and I am the victim and I am getting severly punished at all cost. I will get screwed over on this round by God the next I will not get screwed over. Oh, it's OK for me to go to work. How the fuck am I suppose to get there?  Walk? I was NOT the one that was driving like a bat out of hell. I was not in possession of alcohol. The wreck was covered up by crooked cops. By a crooked system and still being covered up. I loathe these people with a passion. May karma strike down upon them. Here I am the victim that did not asked for this and they are still trying to cover this up. May they all go down in a blaze of hell fire. I hate Arkansas with a passion.

You know what? I'm going to take this shit to court. I'm going to air out all the dirty laundry. I am going to expose the corruption like a boss. I will have no shame in my game. These people will be taken to court twice. This case was not about me at all. It's about the state police and 5 heathen boys that was under age with alcohol in possession and being protected by the corrupted law system and as far as me I was left for death, no car, no job, no money trying to starve me out and make me back down from the pictures I think not hell to the no I'm going the distance with this bitch. That's ok every dog has its day. Karma is going to be a bitch. Hmmmmmmmmm criminal and civil court for these rotten ass bastards I swear to God the criminal justice system is for the criminals and leave the victims to burn at the stake. The victims had nothing to with it in the first place. Innocent bystander. It's a very sad world to live in. I will pursue it on the highest civil level possible I promise that much. Dirty rotten cops and the firm.


My life is paralyzed because I have NO car NO Job and NO money. I was told yesterday I can work, because the asshat doctor said so. I hate when that is brought up. How the fuck am I supposed to get there. Last as I recall the doctor said there's nothing wrong with me. I can work. Oh, it's all in my head too. As I look as those fucking pictures with alcohol everywhere. I guess that wasn't my wreck fucking fucktards. I swear. I can't believe they are dancing around the pictures trying to sweep it under the rug once again. Crooked cops and heathens got away with it for now. There's no telling what I will do but I will tweet my Blog like a boss. This case was not for me what so ever. It's time for karma to play her part.

July 19, 2015

The Horror in Hooterville (triolgy) short-story Part 3

As the time goes by for the woman that lives in Hooterville, Arkansas was getting worse for her. It was approaching 4 months, NO car. She had to put in her 2 weeks notice in at work because she had NO means to get there. The situation where she was living changed. She had NO income coming in either. As she was reflecting what had happened to her over the past 4 months. All she was doing that day was going to work plus she was leaving for Connecticut the following week exactly a week to be honest. Then her life changed before her eyes. This was NOT her fault at all but she was getting punished for it to the fullest. It was NOT her fault that the cops covered up the wreck she had NO control over that what so ever. She couldn't help that they listen to low life scumbags and most likely got a good pay off. This was NOT her fault by any means. The corruption just drowned her everyday where it made her hard to breathe.

Someone was talking to her and they stated, whoever is involved in this cover up their names will be brought to light and this will be brought into the media without any obligations from her. It will not be her to bring this to the media. The ones that are supposed to be doing their jobs right will bring it to the media. Whoever is involved in this cover up will be fired on the spot. Faces and names will be addressed properly to the media. This is a bad cover up and this will be addressed. The pictures and the police report don't match. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Wrong report that is not good enough 4 months into the wreck we are not going to listen to that nonsense. He calls that bullshit. Someone will be owning up to this and people will get fired over it and what the criminal case can't do the civil case will finish it. This is a very bad situation the corruption is malice a bad situation all away around needless to say. Whoever done this will have to pay the price. Then she knew this was a lot worse than she thought. They told her not to worry justice is on it's way. Just to relax faces and names will be brought to light soon enough.

She had been feeling a bit on edge lately however she had a premonition/dream a foggy type dream behind the veils type stuff. She seen exactly what was going to happen. Sometimes she thinks this is a curse or gift to have that psyche ability with a built in intuition. Nothing can't get past her. She analyzed it and she knew how bad this situation was. Then she did a ritual and she called on God, the universe and her spirit guides to help her through this because she couldn't do this alone. She knew she was on dangerous grounds. She needed protection. She knew that her civil case will be exactly what she needed for justice. She will not feel one bit sorry for anyone that gets fired or whoever's name gets smeared. All these years of being defeated, oh she's crazy the list just goes on. This situation bit everyone that was involved on the ass and that made her very happy with a BIG smile on her face. Karma-what goes around comes back around.

Since she has been beat to the ground for taking matters into her own hands pursuing the civil case. Put her shoes on for once. What if you were driving to work or wherever, someone was going about 60 miles an hour passing a stop sign at an intersection they did NOT stop thinking they can beat you before the punch, which you had the right of way. They hit you. Then you found out there was alcohol all over the place later on. The police gave a sobriety test to the driver but none was taken on the police report they checked no test was done. That is a for sure sign that he failed the test, you can't get clearer than that. This was a cover up!!! You got tons of pictures sent to you and the police report doesn't match the pictures. It looked like a war zone. Lies upon lies. You nearly got killed. If she didn't carry the weight she had, she weighed 175 at that time and was in good shape. She would have had broken bones everywhere. Just think about it. You got hit by a drunk driver and the police covered it up over some favors. How would you feel? How would you feel when you discovered the REAL truth. Think before you criticize!!!!! She could have died that day, that cover up to make the alcohol go away would have never been brought to light. She doesn't feel one bit sorry for anyone that loses their job over this. Maybe they will think twice about covering a drunken mess up again. It pays to be truthful and honest. Karma and God doesn't like ugly. Here she's been without a car, hardly no money to her name and she had to quit her job because she had no way to get to work. May the civil lawyer rip through this county like the Tasmanian devil.

July 11, 2015

The Woman from Hooterville Part 2

The woman from Hooterville, Arkansas was dealing with so much turmoil and despair from her wreck that she had encountered by NO means it was not her fault what had happen to her it was a 'freak accident' needless to say, just popped out of nowhere. What was getting her down was the fact that she got hit by a drunk driver and the state police covered it up. This was causing so much anger issues within her it was hard for her to control, she was having a hard-time living a daily routine.
The audacity of the cops to cover up a drunken mess which she was 7 inches close to death dwelled on her mind. Her PTSD grows everyday no one I mean no one has thought about that.

One night she just collapsed to the floor because it was so much to take in. She knew some of the parents were involved in this, covered up the boys mishap and she knew the book she wrote about corruption took part in this as well. She had a lot on her mind and it was breaking her down. As she was crying an angel appeared before her. She found that quite comforting and she listened to the angel. Then she drifted off to sleep. She woke up and felt so much better and her mind was clearer.

 She knew what she had to do. She knew that she had to get a high profile civil lawyer either from the west coast or the east coast. She knew that she couldn't get a lawyer from the south, she had to break away from the 'good ole boy system' and the ties that bind it. She needed a bulldog in the court room a justice seeker. See the civil lawyer will evaluate the whole situation and especially her personal injury he sees no justice he will get justice for her in the end. He will rack everybody over the coals and that made her feel better.

She worried about money someone told her that the money will come at the end no need for her to worry about money this is a cut and dry situation. Her friend told her you have the leverage the ball is in her court any high profile civil lawyer would take her case in a heartbeat. He was very honest with her, he stated if she got 5 million, the civil lawyer would get half because of him being a high profile civil lawyer. She looked at him and stated, I don't care, the lawyer could take 3 million as long as she SEEN justice and a few fired from law enforcement that's what mattered to her the most. She needed justice and she will seek justice at all cost.

She needed a high profile lawyer to get her on the Dr. Phil show too because she knew in her heart that other people would step up the ones that had problems in this county as well. She wanted to turn her single civil lawsuit (her) into a class action lawsuit. She knew people would follow behind her she's confident about it. She knew she would have a massive meltdown on the show however she would feel 10 times better the next morning she had been living a nightmare for a long time now. She was moving to the east coast and she knew that Dr Phil would get her a good psychiatrist for about a year all due in respect she will need it. God has a plan for her, he didn't keep her alive for no reason at all. He chose her and she will do his job. What she needs to do is move to the east coast and clear her mind so she can take action and get this job done the right way, God's way to be exact.

Has anyone ever thought about the emotional, physical and mental exhaustion she had encountered over the years. It took a toll on her and she proceeded to write her book anyways. Then this wreck that came out of nowhere made her life more of a living hell.  The botched up police report that consisted of lies upon lies. It was a cover up and set up rolled into one. She has been without a car since day one of the wreck hardly no money to her name. They almost got away with it if it weren't for the pictures and the witnesses. She has been drug through hell even more since the wreck, has anyone thought about her emotional, physical and mental status since then. The answer is NO! She relied on a good law firm which they let her down as well. They did not do their jobs. Her and her mother did the investigation not them the pictures and the witnesses and at first that still wasn't good enough.  This has been a total nightmare and now she is praying to God, the universe and her spirit guides to bring her a high profile Civil lawyer. Nothing has favored for her and now she hopes justice will prevail with a good civil lawyer and he should be able to take care of that for her. She has been defeated for so long now she needs a whisper of hope to favor for her. She needs a mean ass lawyer that means business and seek justice in the court room.

June 15, 2015

Once upon a time in Hooterville, Arkansas...... Short Story...... Part 1

Once upon a time there was a free spirited young woman that lived in Hooterville. She had no cares in the world just a gypsy soul with a heart of gold. One day she met up with an old classmate. She already knew how he was but that silver tongue of his swayed her into his wicked world. He was the 'good ole boy' at its finest. She never had a clue what a nightmare she's about to go through.

They dated, they married and they divorced. 1999 to 2004 was a rocky time for the free spirited soul. 2004 til 2015 was nothing but a horror story from hell for her. Thugs and crooked cops destroyed her and her happiness. She had a hard time she struggled every day of her life but she still sank into the pits of hell. She was working so much she was burning the candle at both ends. She had 7 years of college but no degree just student loans out the ass to remind her that she tried. She also wrote a book about her situation kept the places just changed the names. Even though the publisher scammed her over her royalties she just kept positive and hope it turns out for the best. So she started her rituals and mantras and prayed for a way out. She was asking the God's, the universe and her spirit guides to get her to a peaceful place to live because she has been defeated this whole time all she wanted was to die because of the pain she lived with everyday so she prayed extremely hard for her way out. She needed to get those negative thoughts out of her head to be honest.

One day she got ready to go to work. She just got off an 7, 12 hour work pattern 7p to 7a 84 hours in 7  days with a few days off to start it all over again. So she pulled out to leave for work not even a half mile from the house she seen this truck doing about 60 not stopping at the stop sign at the intersection she had the right of way. I guess he thought he could beat her but he didn't they hit he flipped his truck upside down by a semi truck. If she was 30 seconds faster all 7 people would have lost their lives.

The cops came out and she was rushed to the ER. She was in and out like it was McDonald's. At that time she didn't know they were treating this as a minor accident not a major accident. She knew alcohol was a factor and it was all over the wreck scene. She and her family thought the cops would do their jobs right. Boy, they were wrong. The ER doctor and nurse told her she could go back to work the next day. Well, it took her 2 weeks to get out of bed right. She knew something was wrong at the beginning.

5 weeks almost 6 weeks later the police report came in however she already got her lawyer by that time. Shit was going down hill fast. She and her family looked at the police report and seen there was no alcohol stated, no reckless driving, no speeding at a school zone. They had 55 was the speed limit at the intersection at a school zone negative. No witnesses the semi driver was a witness,  he seen it all happened. Shit wasn't adding up. She had people to tell her a sobriety test was done on the driver but she looked at the report and none was taken. She knew right there it was a cover up and a set up rolled into one. There was angel that sent her 24 pictures of the wreck. That was a blessing from God. She took her pictures and took her police report and she seen that it didn't add up the police report was all wrong. They almost got away with it. She was 7 inches from death, she could have died, she would have died with a false police report by her side and the county would have gotten the very last laugh and nothing could have been done about it. At first the lawyer wasn't going to put the pictures in. She was like oh hell no. This was a cover up and major one to be exact. Yes, my pictures will be presented in my case over my dead body. The police report was WRONG damn it. This will be fixed or they all can go down together. She was so fed up at that point. She had enough of the bullshit.

So she is hoping for a fair settlement because of the hell she has been through. No car and barely no money to her name for almost 3 months now. She had an out of body experience at the wreck now she knows what to do. God, knows she's been defeated for many many years at Hooterville. He knows her soul is tired and worn down. He gave her this gift to set her free. Falsifying a police report, her 24 pictures (because a picture is worth more than a thousand words) concrete evidence,  her book to seal the deal. If she was lying in her book. She would have died that day. God wanted to free her soul and her worried heart let her be free to move where ever she wanted to go until it's time for him to bring her home. The media, the FBI and civil suit was his plan of action because God doesn't like ugly and he is setting an example to this county and the state because he chose her as the chosen one.

June 13, 2015

Public Service Announcement

I am going to blog about wrecks and whatever other kind of behavior that deals with police reports and stuff. Police reports are considered as hearsay, however if you have proof like pictures and videos it becomes concrete plus witnesses,  sometimes they are needed.

For an example, when you come across a wreck. How do I put this, in a good way? Make sure the ones that are hurt are okay or get help for them. Then, get your phones out and take pictures all away around the scene take videos too. Especially when alcohol and other stuff are involved. Take lots of videos and pictures of that too. Why are you stating this you might ask?

When the police report comes in and the pictures don't look like the report more less the police left stuff out looks like a cover up. Alcohol all around the wreck scene but no alcohol on the report and no sobriety test given. That will turn in to a shit storm from hell. When the police report is falsified. Trust me I know all about it. Pictures tells an exact story of the wreck how it happened, hands down. When alcohol or whatever  isn't on the police report, what if that person died. There goes justice thrown out the door. If you didn't have evidence there's not much you can say or do. That my friend is a sad situation but it happens all the time.

I don't care if you don't know them. Give them your number and tell them you have pictures and videos of the incident that happened and you are willing to help them out if the police report goes South or something goes wrong. Give a helping hand it goes a long ways. If it was me, take the pictures and videos put it on a travel drive give it to the victim or the family. They will need it that's a given. The best way to do it in my opinion.

Pictures and videos are worth a thousand words. You really don't need a witness because the pictures paints the story of how it really went down all by itself no words needed. When the pictures and the police report don't add up. The anger rises on such levels that would scare the shit out of anyone. Trust me I know all about it.

I am going to do a blog of an example it may be my experience or not. Corruption comes in all kinds of forms. The police are in hot water at the moment. I have seen beatings to a cop that put his knee into a 15 year old girl's back to some cops shutting down a lemonade stand because an 8 year didn't have a permit. So much ridiculous bullshit that doesn't make any sense. Just beware and give a helping hand when needed. Picture and a video is worth more than a thousand words. It tells a story all by itself.

May 19, 2015

Dear God, Dear Universe and Dear Spirit Guides......

Dear God, Dear Universe and Dear Spirit Guides...... I have my sage, candles and stones all the good positive stuff out when I start my ritual. I have been in sync like this for a long time now, it will make 2 months tomorrow since I had my wreck. I am more in tuned with God and the universe more than ever now. I have been dragged thru hell. There's so much wrong with this situation that doesn't make any sense. I got my 'get tough or die' attitude on. I have took a beat down from hell. If it wasn't for me kicking my spiritual level up notch, I would not be alive right now. Since day one of my wreck, I was tossed to the side. I had to get back up no other choice. No matter what kind of pain I was in. I looked at my car, I was close so close getting killed that day. God said, "not yet Tina." I was knocking on heavens door I promise that much.

Has anyone asked how I was feeling about this wreck in a logical sense, no not really. I am NOT the same person as I was before the wreck, I am different. I remember before my wreck, I was hustling my way in life. Working and burning candles at both ends still never getting ahead. I was still getting stuff taken away from me but I was still working massive amounts of hours just to push through. Now I have a troubled back, my leg and arms goes numb and it happens up to 7 times a day. My hands and feet get tingling. My stomach hurts too. I have stomach pains. My neck hurts and then headaches set in. I take about 2-4 Ibuprofen's a day. I don't take pain meds, I flush those down the commode ones I got from the doctor. I have good and bad days now. I don't know what to think about that at all. I know all of this I have to live with now. I am not the same person as I was before. PTSD has gotten worse I can tell. Especially when I am driving. STFU and let me drive and get us there. I see a difference there needless to say. Intolerance that's the best describing word for that. I get on edge. However, I know I have to push my way through. I have to deal and go on but it's there and it's not going anywhere. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I will get real stern with this one. I will make myself clear, I have had enough not being listen too. Then the medical bills, my insurance were going make me pay for them because they got to the point of being exhausted they said they couldn't pay anymore. Um, hell no! This wreck was NOT my fault and that wasn't going to happen, I am not paying for the medical bills. I got a lawyer. I get so tired of being shit on beyond tired! You talking about pain and suffering, there's not a word for my pain and suffering at this moment.

What pissed me off with this wreck, I got blamed for it. I was like, oh hell no. When you fly across an intersection, you do not stop at the stop sign. Hwy 9, I had the right of way. When you go about 50-60 miles an hour bypassing a stop sign. That is suicide and murder wrapped into one. You either want to kill yourself or someone else. It's that simple. No one dying from a situation like this, is a miracle from God. God was at that scene of destruction taking care of everyone. Obviously God has a plan for me and I know what it is too. I know I was making arrangements to move to the east coast this summer. Conway County and Arkansas has wore me down to the ground. I need a break and God's knows it. Yes, he does. On top of what is going on. I got a threatening phone call. However they weren't smart enough to block it. Yes, I got the number still.

That's why I am doing this blog. I have enough to deal with, I have no car. I had a NEW car, I got it 9-24-14 and it was totaled 3-24-15 six months to the day. I can't have anything in Arkansas. Not one damn thing. I have to depend on my mom she is on a fixed income too, dear fuck. I have to think about the book, I wrote too. If there is any kind of hanky panky bullshit. I will bring the house the down, I promise that much. I am pushed to my breaking point. I have had enough. I have to worry how I am going to get here and there. This is the first time in 25 years of me being without a car. I don't like this shit at all. I did not ask for this, I did not ask nearly getting killed either all I was doing was going to work and be a caregiver. I am done sick a fork in me. I had to live with high amounts of stress before the wreck, I am living in higher amounts of stress that pisses me off to no end.

I remember how peaceful I was on the east coast. I remember the tranquility. I know I can find jobs like I have been doing here in Arkansas. I almost got killed, God is telling me, life is too short. While I am still breathing air. I should be able to live anywhere I want if that brings me peace and happiness to my life. I am a good person, good heart and soul. I just stand my ground with my brutal honesty. That's why I am feisty and non-compliant. There is a certain man, that I love out there too. I know that I am a plane away or drive away to come back home from time to time. I know in my heart that I have ran my course here in Arkansas. It's time for me to be happy and live the remainder of my days on earth somewhere where I am content. That's all I am asking for and that's not that much. I will keeping talking to God, the universe and my spirit guides maybe they will help me move right along to where I belong.

May 10, 2015

This is why, I don't go to the doctor.

My wreck for an example.

Yes, I know that I work in the medical field, I have for 23 years now and I know what goes down. As I was leaving for work, this truck went past a stop sign doing about 50-60 miles an hour flying like a bat out of hell.  In a school zone too. Then we hit and all hell broke loose. It was a close call, for all 6 of us being dead matter of fact. I seen smoke or the airbags made my vision cloudy anyways I got out of the car real quick like and I passed out and then I woke back up and I called my mom, I passed out again. I was in and out of consciousness, I passed out again when I seen my little cousin. I was incapacitated for the most part. I knew something was not right with my body and I stated that at the scene but it didn't matter needless to say. The ambulance arrived, it took them 3 containers of air   aka oxygen to get to me the first two were empty. My oxygen at one point was going down fast. That's when I had that out-of body-experience, my pulse and oxygen was fading, I believe it took 2 or 3 pulse oximeters (because they did not work) to get the accurate reading. Then my pulse and oxygen slowly came back to me, a lot of my family was at the scene, they know what had happened. The ambulance was not equipped at all in my opinion. Then off to the ER, I go. I was there no more than 4 hours tops. In my heart of all hearts I really don't think that the communication between the ambulance ride and ER was not up to par needless to say. I know I was hit at high impact and lost consciousness few times. I was not in a blood and guts accident however the impact I was in, caused my back and neck to hurt extremely bad and my left hand was swollen, my skin seemed to be on fire from the airbags that went off in the car and I had bruises galore and some cuts. Hell my right knee bent my car keys and I have a picture to prove it. I did a cat-scan when I got there but there were hardly any questions after and that was odd. See, I did not have insurance so therefore I was treated and released as soon as they could get me out of their hair. That is the God's honest truth about this situation. I was discriminated because I did not have insurance. That is being down right truthful with my brutal honesty. Here I was hit on high impact because there was no blood and guts involved doesn't mean that I didn't get hurt. I was in and I was out under 4 hours in the ER. Me blacking out at the scene did not matter I guess. I was told that I could go back to work the very next day. My mom heard that, she was in shock, the look on her face was priceless. Here I had a sling on my left arm, I could barely move and I hurt oh so bad. On my way out of the hospital, I was getting my results from the doctor. I work in Little Rock at a hospital and I have never seen this kind of treatment in my life. This particular ER made me feel like a piece of shit and to be honest about it. I would have been better off to have died in the wreck that's another brutal honest opinion of mine. I am hardcore with my words, and with my truth. I do not sugarcoat bullshit. I call it like I see it. I hope and pray that my lawyer will take care of business because I am tired of getting screwed over when this wreck was not my fault at all. I need some kind of relief with my pain and suffering.

So the next day, I hurt so bad, I could hardly move. I had my sling on my left arm. I was having neck pain and back pain numbness and tingling was all over my body. They told me to get a primary doctor and I couldn't seem to get one because I did not have insurance. No one didn't want to direct me to any kind of help. I was thinking how the ER doctor and the ER nurse told me I could go back to work the next day. It took a week and a half to get out of bed properly. I was still hurting, I went back to the ER for an MRI, I was in and out getting my results going out the door once again. That ER was cold hearted. Go see a primary doctor they said, tell me where to go? No answer. I was fed up at that point and someone told me a law-firm to call. I called them. Guess what? I got a doctor and physical therapist the next day. I got the help I need and dealing with insurance companies are a joke too. They will screw you over without the KY. I couldn't believe my eyes with the insurance companies. It's been 6 weeks since the wreck. I have no car and I have no rental. I have to bum rides and so on to get to my appointments. Yes, I am being drugged through hell. This wreck was not my fault and I am the one that is getting shit on. However that is the story of my life. So everyone's life is peachy. Driving and working but me. I'm the one that is hurt trying to get better. I had a relapse in PT but I will make it through, I was lifting and I woke up the beast that resides in my back my numbness came back 50% worse. I have a get tough or die attitude, I will push through this like a boss. If I could work, I would, how the fuck would I get there? Walk? I think not. I am the 'Man in the Box'  with this situation. I hope I never have another wreck if I do, I hope the hell I die in it.  No need to live through that shit again. This is a freaking nightmare.

Moral of this story, I don't go to the doctor. I think I have went twice in 18 years I had my daughter in 1995 and my son 1997, this made the 3rd time in that time span with my wreck. I think that is impressive to go to the doctor in 18 years and you can count it on one hand. Medical field is big-business. They don't give a fuck about you but they give a fuck about the money. I take prenatal vitamins, (hair, nails, skin vitamin), kelp, cinnamon, B-12 and D also Cell Food, I put some drops in a 4 once glass of V8. I heal myself with herbs rather than chemical bullshit that keeps you sick because they want your money. I'm not a frequent flyer and I don't give a shit about pain pills. I took the pain pills from my wreck for 2 weeks and I flushed the rest. I know what pain pills will do. I'm not a dope head. I take my herbal vitamins and cell food go on about my business. That is why I don't have insurance because I don't go, why pay? Now with Obama Care, I will have to get insurance before I file my taxes next year. My ex has insurance for the kids but they don't get sick, they are 18 and 20. I breastfed my children. I was taking plenty of vitamins too while doing it.  I am a healer and I heal myself when I am sick. No need for doctors.

April 14, 2015

My Godforsaken Life

Let's stroll down memory lane. I opened this blog on October of 2010 (Blogspot) however I started this crusade, September 17th 2010. I had enough of the bullshit in Conway County,  Arkansas. I moved back in May of 2010, my nerves got the best of me by September. I couldn't get any help from anywhere. These motherfuckers were running me absolutely bat-shit CRAZY. The thugs and the crooked cops, I couldn't take it any longer. I made my way to an open diary to the public because I straight up didn't give a fuck at that point in time, it was documentation at its finest. Dealing with Slandering, Stalking and Bullying right along with sexual assault at one time. My cup had runneth over. I've had a tough time, hard road to hold in life from this. This good ole boy bullshit just disgust me to no end. Makes me want to vomit to be honest. I took a mental beating from these idiots for many, many years and it's 2015 needless to say. I done enough blogs on that subject it's all in the archives.

Strolling along, I had to write people off in my life from here and there. One of them happened to be my father. All the crap I was taking from the punk ass bitches and him took a toll on me. However I have dealt with this all my life, well 37 years I did, that was the age I walked away from it. I put it in the fuck it bucket and moved on. I had a lot to tell me I was a cold hearted bitch removing blood from my life. The way I viewed it, I have dealt with bullying all my motherfucking life. I got my belly full no more for me I told myself. I don't give a shit about blood ties. When a parent makes their child cry or make them upset because they get satisfaction from it. Well, they can go straight to hell for all I care. When you see a smirk on their face because it makes them happy to see you upset. I am the type of person to put my middle finger in the air and say see ya in hell motherfucka while I walk away. Tina doesn't have time for that nonsense. I was getting too old for that shit anyways.

Let's keep on strolling, it was brought to my attention to write a book. I was like I can do that but the ending would be a nightmare to write because I'm a blogger not an author. My ending is still on going. I don't have an ending. So I sat down and wrote a book and I was amazed at myself over the ending which by the way, was an awesome fictional way out. My fear was publishing it and getting screwed over. I researched and researched I thought I found a good company so I thought. I spent $1500 to publish my book and I made about $250 with a quarter of a million followers. Yup, I got screwed over, scammed and fucked in the ass all the same time. My book sold out twice. I did a blog on it and it's a must read too.  It's the beginning of the launch where you make your money at, the big lump sum that I did not see at all, they did I did not. Then it's hit or miss later on as the time goes on its all about the beginning that's where the money lies at. Outskirts Press can suck my ever loving dick. I hope karma gets them and hope she fucks them in the ass for a change. They have screwed over many, many authors it's a damn shame too.

Still Strolling, the hardships and adversities that's all I have ever seen in my life, that's all I know. I try and try still get shit thrown in my face no matter what I do its not good enough. I work my ass off,  burning the candle at both ends. One thing about me, I am street smart and street tough. I had to be, no one I mean no one can bullshit me. I will call their ass out. I loathe fake motherfuckers. I don't have room in my life for fake people hell no I don't. Be real with me or leave me the fuck alone. That's how I feel about it. No matter what, I will give my shirt off my back if someone really needs it. I'm that person. Life hates me maybe it's because I stand stern and take no shit off of anyone who knows but I will never change who I am though. I will have that fuck'em feed them fish heads attitude until the day I die.

My stroll almost ended, on March 24, 2015. I am about to get real and raw about this shit. FYI, I know what was said about this wreck and this wreck was not my fault what so ever. It was about a week after I had my wreck. I got fed up. I didn't have insurance and I was having trouble getting help until I got a lawyer then it all changed for me. My back and neck hurt so bad. I got off to myself. I closed my door and I slide down it, I started to cry and my anxiety sky rocketed to the roof. I looked back on my life, 3 attempted suicides. 89, 93 and 2010. I have had several nervous breakdowns over the years. I got clean on my own with no help at all. My pregnancy brought me out of that hole thank God withdraws and all but I pulled thru it with a healthy baby girl. I have been thru a lot of shit in my life. Now in 2015 I'm tired and wore out. I'm sick of everything. Trying and not getting nowhere in life. I just hit my point couldn't go any further. Done so done. Stick a fork in me.

This is what I think, I wished I would have died in that wreck. I would have been better off and everybody around me would have been better off too, I live in misery. I'm sick of disappointments. I've blogged about it.  I'm not going to hide this fucking shit from anyone this is how I fucking feel it is what it is. Everything I do is a dead-end for me true story. Trying gets so old when you can't go anywhere with it, what's the point? Getting screwed over all the time that's all I expect that's fucking bullshit to live like that. My wreck would have been a way out. Death is a reward. No more sickness no more sorrow no more worries. You're free just free of life's chaos. I am not afraid to die. To me death is beautiful no more pain or suffering nor depression. Obviously life wants to torture me some more or I need to go to my calling. I know what it is, the FEDS should let me be and let me rock this shit out, the way it should be done. Who knows what will happen.

All I ever wanted was peace and tranquility. That's not much to ask for. I can't believe how this wreck played out the way it did, I am still here. My neck and back hurts so bad, hoping it will get better soon. I want to live in one of the New England States. I am so relaxed when I am out there. It's hard to describe however I think it's time for me to have peace in my life this suffering shit in the south has really got me down and out. If I had one wish,  I wish for a reset button in my life for peace and tranquility. I'm tired and worn down. The miracle I need is the miracle I wish for. I hope it comes true I really do.

April 2, 2015

My Black Cloud

Since my wreck, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I will get to my wreck towards the end of the blog. My life has always, I will stress always had a black cloud over it. I was born with one needless to say and it's a big black cloud.

I wrote a book about my life. I am just sitting on it until I find a better way to publish it. Outskirts Press has made me extremely gun shy with their embezzling ways they have destroyed me and my soul to write. I loathe that company anyways it will be published when the time is right. As a child I've always had that black cloud to follow me around. My childhood was tough most would say I was too spoiled most don't know what went on behind closed doors. I have the most awesome mom in the world at one time I would have beg the differ but we got past that when I got pregnant with my first born and our bond has been strong ever since. My dad was the military dad, I was the son he never had. I was the only child between them. My mom had 2 boys from a previous marriage. They were like 10 and 12 when I was born. My father had a daughter from a previous marriage. I really don't give a fuck how the story goes. Which it's a long one BTW. That's his daughter, end of story. I have 2 stepbrother's and 1 step sister. My father was something else. It was his way or no way. He was number one at all times. My dad was stern with brutal words. In my own words, he wasn't doing his job if he didn't make you cry that day with his belittling vocabulary that came out of his mouth. I put up with that shit for 37 years and I am 41 now. For 37 years my head had so much poison filled in it and my way of thinking because of his actions and his words I did not know if I was coming or going. I stayed fucked up inside my own head for many years, I guess I was dazed and confused most of the time. Military life with hurtful words I might add. Don't get me twisted we had good times but I remember the bad times a whole lot more. I love my dad from a distance I do. I removed that poison out of my body it took 4 years to do it and I don't have any intentions to put it back in if you know what I mean. He better treat my kids, his granddaughter and grandson with respect, that's all I am going to say about that. I love my kids dearly, one is 20 and one will soon to be 18. I think me and my mom done a fine job raising them. I have good kids and I am extremely proud of them.

Looking for love. I was married twice. The first time I was married 34 days and my 2nd was for 4 years. I get a kick out of this my divorces were final the 1st time was August 6th the 2nd time August the 5th just 5 years apart. Got out of one frying pan into another. It's been 15 years since I seen a wedding day 17 years from my 1st one been single since 2004. I look for love in ALL the wrong places.  I'm like damn it man that black cloud of mine gets blacker when a man is around I guess. I find men that are not quite over another female. They still have the ex on the brain. That's where my disfunction state of mind sets it. Love goes down the wrong path, the path of destruction begins. I have one baby daddy praise God for that. I had my kids out of wedlock if you haven’t already did the math by now. I married because I thought I should do it for them. I woke up 34 days later, I told myself, I can't be doing this shit for the rest of my life. That's a long road to hold and I don't need to be in that mess. My rewards from that marriage is my daughter and my son. I don't regret it one bit. The one I regret is my 2nd marriage. If I had a delete button I would delete that shit in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. With his non-tax paying ass. 4 years of hell and 8 years of stalking, slandering and bullying with corruption of the cops to boot. My first book the one I got scammed on, is about that life. Conway County, Arkansas can suck my dick. May I find love one day. I found it but it's on one of the levels I talked about up above. I found a quote yesterday and I text it too him because the quote speaks on so many levels because it holds the truth. I feel that way 100% he needs to heal himself first. We have been thru the ringer together on so many levels and I hang in there like a hair in biscuit. However I understand this situation to the fullest even if he thinks I don't. I can honestly say I am in love with him and I have thousands of readers that will be reading this too. I love him so much but he needs to fix the kinks within himself because I can't fix it. I am finally in love truly in love and I hope to hell we will be together one day. I know what I have been through. I respect him enough to fix himself before I evolve with him. I have a bad habit spoiling men and I could spoil him only when he is ready. I've never been truly in love until now. I hope it works out. This kind of love is rare and I know it.

Me and my black cloud. I was getting ready for work one afternoon, I just came off a 7 day 12 hour shift work schedule. Yes, 84 hours in a week. I had 3 nights off and I work 1 night and going back in for my 2nd I was just doing 3 in a row until the weekend. I had plans to make a trip so I was working as much as I could. I'm a born hustler, I work and make shit happen in my life make sure everything is done. I've been hustling since 1990 age of 16. There are jobs out there trust me. I've been in the medical field since 1992. I left for work that afternoon, I got not even a half mile down the road. I saw this truck flying like a bat out of hell he did not stop at the stop sign. I seen it coming he had to be doing 60 he was flying across the intersection, did not stop at the stop sign, we hit and in was a hell of an impact. My car spun around so fast like I was going back home. I'm glad that were no on coming cars I would have died in an instant especially a semi. My air bags went off from one end to another. I had my seatbelt on. I remember the truck went over me (touched my hood) landed upside down by a semi. I got out of the car and I was dizzy, light headed and I fainted a guy came to my rescue he was the one that was at the opposite side of the road at the stop sign he was stopped and seen the whole wreck happen. The truck landed by his door upside down. So much was going on at that point.  Then I seen my little cousin get out of the truck then I passed out again. That time I felt something was not right the air in my body was going way. I kept saying something is not right with me I felt it, then I faded out, I felt the air leaving from my body then I all of sudden I seen the wreck from above at the intersection, I had an out of body experience, yes I did. Then I had a whisper in my ear someone told me I need to leave Arkansas because there's stuff I need to do and I know what it is. Well that scared the shit out of me needless to say. Then all of a sudden there was a jolt. The air was coming back to me. Then I looked up I seen Gina my cousin. I was teary eyed when I seen her because I couldn't explain what had happened. I was in the ambulance on my way to the hospital. I was told if I was a 30 seconds to a minute faster everyone would have died all 6 of us. My family would have buried 2 of us at the same time, to think about that makes me sad. I am thankful for the Arkansas State Police working my accident because the county would have thrown me under the bus. I am very lucky to be alive today and come out the way I did. I have shortness of breath now I get wiped out quick, I am still in pain from the trauma of the wreck. I get numb sitting down or laying, I am very concerned about that. I can't get around like I did before. I can not work a 12 right now but I'm working on getting better tho. I seen my life flash right before my eyes and I seen the wreck from above. I know what I need to do because my life was spared once again. I swear I think I am a fucking cat with 9 lives. I know when it's time for me to go. I will be in good hands because he has protected me all my life and he has seen what I have been through my quote I have tattooed on me,  "God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers." I honestly believe that because I'm one strong bitch for what I have been through in life. I haven't had an easy one at all.