September 17, 2012

Let's Hope that my Third year of Blogging, is about Love & Sh*t, Fingers Crossed

I know I stated that I wouldn’t write another blog for a while. However I wanted to jot some stuff down since this is actually my 2 year anniversary date of blogging about my occurrences in this county. I remember every time I blogged how it was quite then all of a sudden all hell broke loose. I know the ones that I am having problems with are on my Twitter, BlogSpot, or Instagram even though I have my Instagram on private. I still have my little informants. But it’s all good. One thing about it, it is all quite now. I am so serious about this book and my other two books. I have never in my life felt such a sweet release of emotions of all kinds.

I have had my head crammed on the floor for many years. I had fight to free myself that is an understatement. As I write this first book, I remember how the cops and informants stalked me to no end. I remember that I was so scared and worn out that I eventually was run out of the county. Because I would NOT obey the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ I remember I had to sell all my stuff and relocate and lost some years because of these punk ass bastards. I remember once I was moved and I had to come back to visit. I remember these cops were on my trail hot and heavy as soon as I drove into the county. The informants were watching every move I made as well. I remember all the torture that I had to go through just to visit. I couldn't live in a place like that. 

 I have been through so much stuff people just don’t realize what it has done to me emotionally, physically and mentally. Then they all tried to make me out like I was the crazy one. Well, there will be a day that I will make the Dr Phil show; I bet your sweet ass on that. When I do talk about this on a national level all hell will break loose. As I type this down for my book my emotions are running wild because I am still hurting from what had happen to me. Can you imagine when I talk about it; my emotions are going to be out of this world. That is what I want; I want these assholes to hang their head down in shame for putting me through this for many many years. All because I did not want anything to do with my second ex-husband, how pathetic and ridiculous is that?

The one person that was suppose to protect me in life, I had to write him off as well because he had his hands dirty in this county and he could not even help me out either when I needed him the most. The nightmare I was living and he could not do anything about it how sad and pathetic is that? I had to move and lose stuff over and over again throughout the years. That’s ok; it’s going to bring my second book into motion. I am going to lay it all out there too. I am nearly 40 years old, 40 years of hell as I see it. I be damned if I will go through another 40 years of fucking hell because I did not play by the goddamn rules.

As I do this book it seems that this darkness that I live in is slowly turning into color. I am taking a beating with this book, however I am feeling better and stronger and I will knock every one of my books out the ball park. I was told by a lawyer if I play my cards right, my books could be, book to movie. There is potential there IF it is done right. I can believe that too!  I am all about Dr Phil, I want others on Dr Phil as well, and I want to see Victoria and Elane on the Dr Phil show. They lost their sons through the corruption in this county.  There are other people not just them. This is the (shhhhh) county, I am like hell to the No! Let’s talk about it.

As I type I get so upset at times, I am beside myself. There was no excuse for me to go through what I went through. None what-so-ever! However the pain that I have been dealing with is slowly but surely going away, I know the next 40 years of my life will not be like my last 40 years I promise you that much. I will take this pain and turn it into something beautiful and more promising than what these controlling bastards had for me. I will come out strong and hold my own. This county has a rude awakening. This is 2012 not the 1950’s people are a lot smarter and wiser needless to say. Like myself I took it to the internet. If I can’t get anything done here in Arkansas, I will get it done on the World Wide Web. Thank God for the World Wide Web. My Twitter is growing and it will continue to grow. By February or March when, when I launch my book, I will have great amount of people and most will help me spread the word and help me with my book that is for sure.

 I am on a mission and I will accomplish what I am aiming for. Some people you just don’t fuck with and I am one of them. I don’t do anything wrong. I stay off to myself. I rather have it that way. Plus my social life is on the hold because of these books. I thank God for sending me an editor that is a writer and she is a book seller too. I am going through her publishing company. I will reward her like no other; I admire her for helping me. I needed that back-bone of help. To be honest I don’t know how to write a book but she will be showing me the way to write. I know I will have a good 65,000 words and I love that so much. As I cleanse myself with writing and now they are hiding. However they can’t hide forever. As for me, the truth shall set me free. I have NO shame in my game.

I have lost from where I live to my education even my pay checks.That is OK though, I will get that back eventually. This time these sons of bitches will NOT take that away from me again. One thing I can say, I am a very grateful, thankful person and I appreciate everything that comes my way and I will never ever forget the ones that helped me along the way that is a promise I can make. I will pay them back. I love writing and these books are going to be such a blessing to me and my children.

This is my motto: Turn your wounds into wisdom & a great mess into greatness.

September 1, 2012

From MySpace to BlogSpot 9-17-10 to 9-17-12

In 16 days it will be 2 years that I have been blogging about my occurrences. Man, I wish I could have had BlogSpot the whole time, now that would be an interesting read right there for sure. However, I am grateful for what I have, I could have nothing. I had a person to ask me a question and I had my answer waiting for them. I am going to get straight to the point. Writing a book (all about money) money money money money. I am glad I was asked in person about this, all I could do was laugh. Ummmm, I was born poor so it looks like at my age I will die poor. To be honest, IDGAF about the money, I am all about Dr Phil, hell and high-water I will get there. Talking to a lawyer, I know what I can or can’t do. I know I could never ever get to use the REAL names however I love my fictitious names, just saying. I am proud that I am using some of the real places though. This mountain is going to come to life once again I bet your sweet ass on that.

Yes, I have shut my social life down totally at least for a few months. I am that dedicated to this project. My Tina weekend was last of June it will be November or December before I can have another one. I will need it by then I can promise you that much. I am taking my time with the book I need too. Half of it will be going to an editor in a few days. I am so excited about that! I wanted this book to be published in January but I know that will not happen. It will be either February or March. I don’t know for sure which one yet. My second book will be at the end of the year around October or November. I have an awesome editor she was like a godsend for real. It’s like the man up above sent her to me. I believe that whole-heartily.

I have started to pray again and I was really having a hard time with some things in life and writing this book. I felt like I was going to die at any minute. As I started to pray it seems like everything was getting lifted off my chest, like my burdens was not suffocating me that much anymore. I know now, I am supposed to do this book; it was brought to my attention very clearly. I have 3 of them to do and it will most likely be early part of 2014 to launch the last book. These books are a killer to write but it is making me into a better person; in the long-run my testimonial will help others as well. I just know it will. I hate that I had to put it in a fiction level but I don’t need law suits. But I am coming to terms with it. One thing that is certain now, I pray every chance I get and it feels so great having someone there for me. People just don’t realize how alone I felt over the years. This is a very hard thing to do, but I am healing in the process needless to say. Until next time, my next blog will be done right after I get my book finished. That blog will be the blog of all blogs! I promise.