March 6, 2014

Suicidal Tendencies

This is a touchy subject for anyone. However there’s someone everyday pursues the mission and accomplishes it. When a person is pushed to the edge and they think there’s no way out, suicide is the only option. To the ones that have read my book, knows what I am talking about. I have been there a few times in my life needless to say. I think the last time was the scariest of all. 2010 was a horrible year for me at that time I had to move back to a place that I did not want to move back too. Why would I? My 2nd ex-husband would not let go of me and my ex brother in law would help my 2nd ex-husband to whatever he wanted.  I was tormented by the cops and I was tormented by them. I was thinking why would I want to move back? I was better off dead so I thought and to me that was the most logical answer at that time. I knew what I was up against and I knew what I was about to encounter and with no help at all none what so ever. That kind of torture is horrible and I was 36, I did not know if I could hold up to another beat down, I really did not know if I could handle it.  However it’s 2014 and I am here blogging for some reason God spared my life once again. I am very thankful for that. In that year of 2010, when I did move back, I had a lot of pressure from May to September. I gained a lot of weight and I always asked why was my life spared? Then I had a nephew in Denver, Colorado he did commit suicide and it went through he was just 21 years old a few days shy of his 22nd birthday. No one did not know what had happen in April of 2010 with me when I attempted suicide to be honest this is the first time I have opened up about it and its (2014) I kept my silence because my mom, would have lost her daughter and grandson in the same year if my planned went through. I look back and see the pain I would have caused everyone and then they would have had to go through it all over again with my nephew. I felt really bad and I had to keep it all inside because I did not know how to open up, to me I thought that was for the best. It’s all about timing.

 Now this is the reason why I stood up for myself and started to fight back in September 2010. I think it’s time to let the cat out of the bag. I was thinking about my nephew and I was thinking about my situation and I was like fuck this shit, let’s get a testimony up and knock this out the ballpark. A lot people really think they know me and they really don’t, my 2nd book is cleaning out my closet ode to my father since he is a POS. Why I think that, because he could not help me when these sorry son of bitches were stalking, slandering and bullying me running me into the ground with no hope and no control of the situation. You want to know why? He had his hands dirty in this county and they were holding that against him and he was making it really hard on me with my blog if you read my book you would know what I am talking about. Oh the south, oh the corruption. I just hate it! However that is OK. I am proud of my 2nd book. I am talking about stuff that I need to talk about and there is some stuff that I hid from a lot of people.  It’s time to be honest and open.

In this county I was told I wrote (a tell all book).  No, I am not writing (a tell all) book.  I am writing a cleansing book to cleanse my soul of toxic people that’s all. God has NO problem with it and that is a fact sometimes things need to be done like that and all I have been through and I have been through hell. I am one tough cookie. I have been in some horrible situations in life and I came through like a champ. I know when it’s time for me to go, I will be in the arms of the loving lord and I will be praying for the ones that need to be prayed for. I have hit a spiritual realm with my writing thus far and I thank God for that because he is good all day every day. My 2nd book, I am seeing things on a different level. I am seeing things on a 40 year old perspective. I can’t wait to publish that one. There are some that are going to be mad and there are some that are going to say, way to go Tina. When you get to a point in life that you don’t give a damn what others say, you are on a level that can’t be explained. It feels pretty damn good to me!

March 1, 2014

Standing MY Ground!

I have been standing my ground for a very long time now, oh, about 10 years or so.
I was asked if I regret writing this book and putting it out there like I did?

My answer was, HELL NO! It is what it is and I want my story out there, no ands, ifs or buts about it.
Chapters 1-45, that was MY journey through hell and how I survived I just don’t know. Chapters 46-54, now that was a fictional ending I needed a happy ending in reality my life is still the pits and I need a miracle really bad however I count my blessings not my problems on a daily basis. I pray, pray, pray all the time. That’s what keeps me going in this cruel county I live in.

I was told that a few were having fits over my book. I am going to explain this one, these people that are having a fit over this book. I got a few words for those type of folks. Guilty Conscience Complex; that is being honest about it. I went through hell and back several times over. I have every right to write these books and published them. Cops and the informants are having problems with me as well; they can pretty much kiss my ass to be honest. Now, I am NOT saying all the cops here are bad majority of them about 90%. Brutal honesty right there! Only 10% are good cops here.

I had another question asked…..
Do you really think that you will get on the Dr. Phil show? I am going to try my best to get there. That is when all hell is going to break loose. When I talk about this can you imagine my emotions my feelings, OMG ~ it will be off the charts no doubt about that. I can’t wait, I am ready. I am very strong willed and strong minded person, I will get there.

My second book is another blessing from God and I am glad that I am able to write this book and I am glad that I will be publishing it too. I am to that point in my life, I don’t give a damn. I am going to write and I will be doing it straight from the heart those are good reads needless to say. This is the best therapy ever; God is good, all day every day. I am thankful that is he is walking with me through my storm. When I get through it, I will be a brand new person inside and out. I am going to be on the east coast thanking God that I am NOT living in the south can’t forget Arkansas too this state sucks. Drowning in my pain that’s NO life to live, WTF! I will be living somewhere and be happy for once. I can’t wait for that day. I can’t wait to meet this certain man either, he lives on the east coast too. I can’t wait to get there and start a brand new chapter in my life and I deserve that much. Happiness is what I want and happiness is what I aiming for, amen!