This is a
touchy subject for anyone. However there’s someone everyday pursues the mission
and accomplishes it. When a person is pushed to the edge and they think there’s
no way out, suicide is the only option. To the ones that have read my book,
knows what I am talking about. I have been there a few times in my life
needless to say. I think the last time was the scariest of all. 2010 was a
horrible year for me at that time I had to move back to a place that I did not
want to move back too. Why would I? My 2nd ex-husband would not let
go of me and my ex brother in law would help my 2nd ex-husband to
whatever he wanted. I was tormented by
the cops and I was tormented by them. I was thinking why would I want to move
back? I was better off dead so I thought and to me that was the most logical answer
at that time. I knew what I was up against and I knew what I was about to
encounter and with no help at all none what so ever. That kind of torture is
horrible and I was 36, I did not know if I could hold up to another beat down,
I really did not know if I could handle it.
However it’s 2014 and I am here blogging for some reason God spared my
life once again. I am very thankful for that. In that year of 2010, when I did
move back, I had a lot of pressure from May to September. I gained a lot of
weight and I always asked why was my life spared? Then I had a nephew in
Denver, Colorado he did commit suicide and it went through he was just 21 years
old a few days shy of his 22nd birthday. No one did not know what
had happen in April of 2010 with me when I attempted suicide to be honest this is the
first time I have opened up about it and its (2014) I kept my silence because
my mom, would have lost her daughter and grandson in the same year if my
planned went through. I look back and see the pain I would have caused everyone
and then they would have had to go through it all over again with my nephew. I
felt really bad and I had to keep it all inside because I did not know how to
open up, to me I thought that was for the best. It’s all about timing.
Now this is the reason why I stood up for
myself and started to fight back in September 2010. I think it’s time to let
the cat out of the bag. I was thinking about my nephew and I was thinking about
my situation and I was like fuck this shit, let’s get a testimony up and knock
this out the ballpark. A lot people really think they know me and they really don’t,
my 2nd book is cleaning out my closet ode to my father since he is a
POS. Why I think that, because he could not help me when these sorry son of
bitches were stalking, slandering and bullying me running me into the ground
with no hope and no control of the situation. You want to know why? He had his
hands dirty in this county and they were holding that against him and he was
making it really hard on me with my blog if you read my book you would know
what I am talking about. Oh the south, oh the corruption. I just hate it! However
that is OK. I am proud of my 2nd book. I am talking about stuff that
I need to talk about and there is some stuff that I hid from a lot of people. It’s time to be honest and open.
In this
county I was told I wrote (a tell all book).
No, I am not writing (a tell all) book. I am writing a cleansing book to cleanse my
soul of toxic people that’s all. God has NO problem with it and that is a fact
sometimes things need to be done like that and all I have been through and I
have been through hell. I am one tough cookie. I have been in some horrible
situations in life and I came through like a champ. I know when it’s time for
me to go, I will be in the arms of the loving lord and I will be praying for
the ones that need to be prayed for. I have hit a spiritual realm with my
writing thus far and I thank God for that because he is good all day every day. My 2nd
book, I am seeing things on a different level. I am seeing things on a 40 year
old perspective. I can’t wait to publish that one. There are some that are
going to be mad and there are some that are going to say, way to go Tina. When
you get to a point in life that you don’t give a damn what others say, you are
on a level that can’t be explained. It feels pretty damn good to me!
