An activist role is a hard job when you are trying to get the word out about the filth and corruption of a small town. I have had some to tell me that I am hitting a nerve with some people and the law enforcement in this county. I told them you don’t know what hitting a nerve is until you talk to family and friends of the murdered victims because of the fowl cover-ups and malice. Talking about hitting a nerve with me needless to say! Then I have people to thank me for being the voice for the dead. That right there means a lot to me it really does. I don’t give a f*ck what they said about me, to the ones that I am hitting a nerve with. They didn’t give a f*ck about me and my feelings, nor my emotions. When they came down hard on me with stalking, slandering and bullying! They did not care that my nerves were so bad that I was breaking out in hives and my hair was falling out by the hand full. I just couldn’t take it anymore I had to sell everything I own, to move out the county because I did not obey the ‘good ole boy system’ these mother*ckers tell me I have hit a nerve with them. Plus when I got to Little Rock it was so hard on me but I done the best I could and went on about my business. Then my world came tumbling down and I had to move back in 2010. Then from May 2010 to September 2010 it was so hard living where I was living because of the slander, stalking and bullying from these so called fktards. Then I had a bright idea came over me, the internet baby let’s get the word out and that is what I did! I don’t regret one minute of it. All I ever wanted was a normal life however that was not how life unfolded for me. I should have gotten my ass out of Arkansas in 1993. I had a chance but let it pass me by, what a mistake that was. So therefore I have been stuck in an abyss for nearly 20 years. I have been through it and I am one tough woman. I should have cut ties with certain individuals’ long time ago. However I didn’t. Being drug through hell over and over again, it’s starting to shape me into a hardcore activist and I love every minute of it. However I am getting over my pain. I love writing it's helping me out. However I will not quit blogging nor writing books. If that is going to help me out mentally and spiritually, so be it. I will continue doing so and living my life the way I want too, not how others want me to perceive it, just saying.
June 5, 2012
My son turns 15 today. OMG ~ the time has gone by so fast. He was born prematurely however you can’t tell that now, not by a long-shot. He had to stay at the Arkansas Children’s Hospital for a few days. He was born a ‘little’ runt and now is he is nearly 6’2 and 200 pounds. I know one thing he is a fine young man. He is smart and has a sense of humor and he is so freaking hilarious. If you’re having a bad day, he will snap you out of it that is a promise. I am so proud of him. Just like his sister they haven't had that life with a silver spoon in their mouth. I think that is a good thing. His intelligence is off the chart and it’s astonishing needless to say. To me, my son is like a ‘Big Ole Teddy Bear’ he is so lovable. Like I have been telling his sister I have been telling him too. They both can break the cycle and not take the same steps as me and their dad did. I really don’t want him to be like his dad anyways. His dad has financial problems hell of a lot worse than mine plus other things are going on with him too. That worries me. My son is smart and he is told that all the time. I push him and his sister they can do so much better than their parents. I got stuck in a cycle of hell however they will not be stuck in the bullshit cycle that I am in now. I will go up and beyond for my kids even if I have to stop my dreams, to make sure they are guided in the right direction. I want them up and out of here. This county is a ‘black hole’ when you get stuck in the cycle of lost dreams, it’s so hard to get out and overcome it. I know all about it. Both of my kids have their head on their shoulders and I am extremely grateful and thankful for that, seriously. I am blessed to have a good son like I do. He is respectful and obedient that right there is hard to find in kids today. I think a hard life makes a good future, that’s how I feel anyways. With a little guidance my son will do just fine. I love both of my kids so much. If there is a will there is a way that is how I see it at the moment. In today’s time guidance is what kids need and lots of it. I live right in ‘meth’ alley, hell and high-water I will make sure they are NOT around that crap by all means. I love my son, brutal honesty goes a long way when you talk to your kids, I don’t sugar-coat anything. When you talk to your kids tell the truth and how life really is they will respect you in the long-run. Shhhhh will not cut it me. IDGAF if I live in the South. I am blunt and straight-forward and I don’t think I will be changing anytime soon. Both of my kids, ROCK! I love them so much!