April 11, 2012

My Depression TimeLine

I thought that I would talk about my depression and I have never been bashful discussing my feelings and emotions about my life. This is how I feel and this is a place to let it all out. My corner of the world on the internet, so therefore I thought I would do it in a timeline format. I will need this for my book anyways. However I am going to be short and simple and straight to the point. I will be the only one that truly understands this situation but in the future it will be more clearly to understand if you follow my blogs.

January- 2004-2005- was the hardest for me, I suppose. My X-husband left me, 1-21-04, on my birthday however it was the best birthday present needless to say. He played hell trying to set me up, with the help of the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ I had 2 nervous break downs in that time period. I had some horrific experiences that shattered my mind and soul. It was a very scary time for me because I would not take him back. When I am done I am done, end of story. Next, move on.

November- 2005-2010- by November of 05 I moved to Little Rock, I more-less got ran of the county. I just could not take it anymore. My anxiety was high; I was stressed out to the max. I was gaining weight and my hair was falling out. I did not have any help in this county these people were killing me. But I remember something quite distinctive, when I was moving from my place that I had to sell to my moms and then from my mom’s to  Little Rock, my ex-husband was watching as he and his brother was parked in front of my mom’s house. Til this day, it makes me sick to my stomach. Why that still lingers is beyond me, I still get a sickness feeling though it’s horrible. From this time period, in the five years I was away. The cops done their-damnest to watch every move I made in this county as I came to visit. I believe the stalking and the slander was the highest in that timeline but it got worse. I had a hard-time living in Little Rock, I went back to college. I was living from my work check and my student loans and my income-tax check. I was making it barely. But I was making it to the best of my ability. I still had a good GPA, for what I was dealing with, it could have been better if I was not under all that stress. The cost of living was outrageous, however I was trying to complete some form of education. It did not quite happen as I planned. I look back and I don’t know how I done it or best yet, how I am still living to be honest. By 2010, my life went to hell in a hand-basket. All I have done to try to stay out of this county; I was brought back to it. That hurt me tremendously.

May -2010-2012 well, I had to move back to this county for numerous reasons. However I got stuck here. Just for a time being though, until I get my kids through High School. When I moved back in May 2010, I had a hard time. I mean the slandering was at its finest during that time. I guess May to September 2010, were extremely hard months. If it wasn’t for one thing going on it was another my stress levels were high I mean deathly high. It mainly came from cops and informants; my ex-brother-in-law from my last marriage is an informant. He was causing me 9 kinds of hell. So therefore, September of 2010 I had enough, I started my testimony on MySpace at first. I had a friend in college to tell me about BlogSpot in October of 2010, I started to blog. She told me to blog about everything that was going on she told me it was like a diary. If something came up that I did not like post it. I look back on it; from May-September 2010 I was on a verge of another nervous break-down. I am glad that I started this blog; it really has helped me out. I thank my friend all the time for telling me about BlogSpot. She was worried about me and she was afraid that something bad was going to happen.

After all this is said and done. I have had my weak points in my life I sure have, sometimes I just wanted to die. Lay down and die and give up. I just wanted peace and tranquility that’s all. This blog now at this present time, April 2012, I don’t have any problems. The problems I had I was going to blog about it. Now I am going to blog about different occurrences that has happen in this county. I have had people to tell me stuff and they want me to blog about it. Like I told them, no names no places, I can tell it in a story like way even-though it had happen. When I start on my book, I have to change names and places. I am pretty sure the word permission is out of the question. Maybe one day in the future when the sh*t hits the fan, I can actually put links on here and maybe I can use some of the names and places, who knows.

This has made me into a strong person, I don’t put up with no sh*t what-so-ever I have zero tolerance all away around and I can smell bullsh*t a mile away. I do have to thank them for that. I will forgive them when they get in trouble with the higher law. That will be the only time I will do it. I have lost so much through this and I am so scarred up mentally. I have stayed in poseur through this and how I just don’t know. I am strong-minded and strong-willed and also free-spirited.  I have been through hell, but I am going through it like champ. I can say this much, I am not an alcoholic nor a dope-head neither a pill popper. (I'm better than that, I know better) I did not get weak-minded through this; I stood my ground and done the best that I could even if I was drugged through the gates of hell. I am still going through hell, however I think a break is on the way for me and that makes me into a very happy person. I hope one day these sons of bitches get what is coming to them. That will be the day, I will LMFAO, seriously. Karma is a BITCH, what goes around always comes back around! I can feel her presence coming and I can also see that I will be smiling from ear to ear.

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