My daughter turning 17 today has me wondering-where did the time go? I mean seriously, it seems like yesterday I was taking my bundle of joy home. However she has turned out to be a beautiful, intelligent and well-behaved young lady. Her life hasn’t been peaches and crème. She had to do deal with the pain that I have had to go through as well. I wonder if anybody has ever thought about that. But, that is beside the point she had turned out to be loving and sincere, I had to throw that in too. She has the world in her hands right now. I do not want her to go down the path that I have gone through, hell to the no. I got sucked in and I don’t want that for her, I will make sure that she will spread her wings and fly. My daughter will not be controlled by any means it will NOT happen; I am the type that will cause hell and havoc that is a promise I can keep. She has nearly a 4.0 GPA. I do not want her to be drowned by having children at a young age. I had her at a young age; I was 21, that was still too young needless to say. Most young adults especially the poverty level kind, birthing children is a must. I know why, they want someone to love and have the love returned; children or babies will fill that need. What they don't get at home, some sort of lonliness. That’s why kids have babies at a young age; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. If I have a baby, I will be loved. If I have a baby I can keep my boyfriend. As far as the guy goes, nope, most likely he will be gone too, sooner or later. The intellect is very low in the South; poverty-living is a hard road to hold. I know all about that and it does suck ass and it’s not fun at all. When you have right people in your life they can guide you and push you in the right direction that you need to go. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t tell my children that I don’t love them. I love my children. I might be stuck at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas for the time being not for long, I am working on breaking away from here as well. My daughter will have a chance to free herself and run with it. She can do anything I am not worried about it. It’s a cold-world out there, but she can be anything she wants to be and be satisfied with the outcome. She has the strength and the well-being to knock it out the ball park. I will make sure she will do it and she will thank me in the long run. Being barefoot and pregnant and living in poverty, that’s no life that is pure hell. I love my baby-girl with all my heart and soul. A little guidance will take her a long ways, hopefully away from here the Ass End of the World, Arkansas.
January 21, 2012
The Raw Truth is such a touchy subject I do have to say. However I am going to jot down my thoughts on how I feel about some stuff that is going on in my life. This is about Uncle Sam; I hope my tax situation is better this year. I have a feeling that it is but I want to throw some stuff out there though. Since the meth heads stay on my sites and all. They will get a good dose of the Raw Truth with this blog I do believe. You know as a single mother with two kids is tough and when my kids approached High School it’s been costing out the ass. On the other hand, when you pay for a $500 Class Ring my daughter’s to be exact, $300 on a homecoming dress all the accessories for my daughter in 2010 and then my Son’s homecoming this year to walk one of the girls in his class, oh about $300.00 on that. Prom 2012 in a few months OH about $400.00 on that! That doesn’t even cut it with their academics 100’s of dollars on Beta & ACT etc. The money I am spending with NO help from their father is tough. I should NOT have to ask, he should say, Tina you need my help let me know. That is why I drive a car that has 155,000 miles on it. The day I get it in and it will not start that will be the day I will get a new motor. I could not get a new car if I wanted too, OH wait a minute, both of my ex-husbands destroyed my credit, my bad. Hey at least he can drive a 2011, cause he don’t have to worry about paying for this stuff, just sayin’ I don’t have any problems busting out the Raw Truth none what-so-ever! My daughter and my son are very intelligent their grades are off the charts, thank goodness. Who pays for all of this? Me and their Grandma (my mom) without my mom, I would be up a creek without a paddle. I am very thankful for my mom. Every day that my feet hit the floor, I am giving thanks to my mama!!!! My mom can state this as well as I can. Without she and I, the kids would be sh*t out of luck, trust me. If this isn’t poverty at its finest I don’t know what is, this is the South kind of living, darling. I am the one that goes to school functions. I have proof. Since the Good Ole Boy System, makes everything disappear, I still have my proof though. This county I live in the corruption just makes me sick at my stomach. I should be able to claim on both kids. Since mom and I spit out hundreds of dollars. I am the one with the poverty income level BTW. Things are so twisted in this county and I can’t get any help at all. So therefore I will put my story on the net and its getting attention that is for sure, it needs attention that’s no joke. Everything that goes on in this county it’s like throwing a blanket on it with that snug tight feeling, if you know what I mean, I deal with some real major bullsh*t it’s like a freaking nightmare. I tell you right now, my second ex-husband better NEVER ever cross my path. I blame him on just about all of this to tell you the truth and his Good Ole Boys. They all can kiss my ass. May Karma zap my second ex to the ground! I have my fingers cross very tightly for that. Through all this I am trying to stay positive and may some kind of justice settle soon. I have been waiting for a long time. I am not going to blog a lie that is one thing I will not do. I will beam myself out of this nightmare. Just sit back and watch. I am very strong willed, very driven and I have confidence that counts when you live at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas. Trust me I know all about it. So, I will continue to blog and lay down the truth nothing but the truth.
January 2, 2012
Life is too short to live with turmoil. I have noticed that some of my friends are losing their children and for the most part that I have seen they have just one child. That is so sad. Sometimes I just think what is the purpose of losing someone close to you especially a young child and where does the reason lie upon. Just trying to figure out the reason is an understatement. I can say this much, which has run through my mind lots and lots of time. I know that my life is extremely hard and sometimes it’s unjustifiable because most of this situation was uncalled for. I don’t know what I would do if I lost one of my kids. My daughter will be 17 in a few weeks. In a few months my son will be 15. That would totally kill me, if I lost one of them. My life is a drastic mess I don’t know from one minute to the next what is going to happen to me. That is why I want to leave the South and control this matter. My life is not pretty not by a long shot. I think losing one of my kids would send me over the edge. I could not take that by no means not at all. I would defiantly go ballistic because all the stress that I have to endured on a daily basis and the bullying by a county the (Good Ole Boy System). I would be a dangerous woman. I always think of things like this and my mom. I even think about that too. I am blessed where I am staying and I am extremely grateful for the things that are given to me. There isn’t a day that goes by I am not thankful for, because the next minute it could be all gone. Yes, I have my head on my shoulders I just have a very turbulent life and that drives me crazy and I wish I just had stability I mean just once in my life can I have a steady measure of security and could it be controlled. However I live day by day and that means a lot to me. We really don’t know what the future will bring and maybe that is a good thing not to know, huh?
January 1, 2012
I hope for a better year. I just have that feeling that it’s going to be a good year. I foresee a lot of things coming to a head and it has been a long time a coming. I know I had to remove myself from different situations over the past year. I think that will make a better outcome for me and my children. Sometimes when you remove junk from your surroundings it will make it easier to breathe. Most of mine were mental that stimulated into unwanted reasoning of despair and agony. I live in a mental abyss very nostalgic yearning for a peace of mind. I have never had stability and control over my life. I always had someone dragging at my heels and controlling every move I made in this lifetime. I am very strong willed and strong minded. I will not be told what to do, because I will fight to my death over that kind of behavior. Sometimes women’s rights are thrown in my face and I am like your point is? A woman’s place in the South is to keep her mouth shut and stand back behind a man. Well this is 2012 and I don’t dig that not at all, however ‘ignorance is bliss’ in the South. I will always voice my opinion and I really don’t care who it pisses off! I visualize a better year in 2012, this is a different feeling that I have ever felt. I think that I have been drug through the gates of hell long enough. I think it’s time for me to have something in life than having it taken away from me. I think that the ones that have caused me grief I think it’s their turn for a little karma pay back. I do believe that it’s time for them to be drug through the gates of hell as well. Something tells me to sit back and enjoy 2012, because it has been a long time coming for me. I hope my gut feeling is right. To be quite honest I don’t know how much more I can take. So here’s to a great year in 2012.
Writing people off and out of your life maybe that’s the best thing a person can do. Well, for my part anyways I think so. When a person gets mentally bashed into the ground on a daily basis, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Get up and get out of a poisonous relationship as soon as possible. Being mentally broken can cause all kinds of emotional dwellings to the soul. It makes a person just want to run so far away and never come back. I hate to be on a mental roller coaster, it’s not fun at all, and it is a sad thing to live with. As far as my part goes, I am tired of the mental abuse and bullying. When you address the matter, you are the craziest person on earth. Because the other person doesn’t want to see it that way, it’s either their way or no way. I had to remove myself out of a very poisonous relationship and it was among my family very close kin. When I go visit this person, and I wind up crying or distraught by the end of the visit something is very wrong with that picture, it’s very clear to see. The person that is causing the mental distortion knows what is going on and has a smirk on his face. That is sick and twisted, end of story. Something is mentally wrong right there. I had to deal with this sh*t all my life and I refuse to put up with it any longer. My life is pure hell as it is and add more mental bashing and mind games to it. It’s no wonder that I haven’t went off the deep end. I put up with a lot of crap! I am sick and tired of being mentally abused. I will no longer put up with it, hell to the NO! I don’t give a damn who you are! I know most of it is coming from my blogs. Yes, I am very blunt and tell it like it is. I am not stopping being me on that part. I know him and the Good Ole Boy System gets along real good. That’s no secret, I know better. I know what’s up. Yeah better keep her quite. What mental bash me into the ground? This is America baby, ‘Freedom of Speech’ the South you gotta love the South. I am dealing with people that feel like women should keep their mouth shut and stand back behind the man.The mental bashing and mental abuse along with bullying is going right out the door in 2012 I shall no longer put up with that crap. No sir re Bob, I will not. I will be glad when I can remove myself from the South straight to the East Coast baby! That’s what is up; right there is the truth nothing but the truth.