November 12, 2015

When you can't make your life whole again after a wreck.....

When your rights have been stripped away.... You have no say so what so ever.... Like you don't exist and you were the one that was traumatized and have been beaten into the ground and you feel like you were the one at fault but in sense of reality you are the victim and you never got justice or a peace of got treated like a piece of shit. I feel like a worthless person now over my wreck.

The wreck, I loathe a lot of people now. 'The boys'  the ones that were in the truck that got flipped over. When the parents and family interveen made phone calls for favors to remove the alcohol, the reckless driving, speeding in a school zone because they can't have that on 'the boys' record. I hate those people because they made my life a living hell. When you look at the situation when everybody intervened rescued 'the boys' the Arkansas State Police made it that very day it's okay to drink and drive you can't tell me any different. That absolutely positively truthfully makes me sick to my stomach. The victim (me) got the worst beat down possible and I did NOT cause this wreck. I could have died and the alcohol didn't matter at all. The police can kiss my ass too. Good cops would have made sure every one was okay then started a series of sobriety tests to make sure and put it on the police report like a good cop should. End of story....... I have hate in my heart over this... They didn't teach 'the boys' shit, they taught them to be rebels and rednecks. Gotta love the south. Kayli and Kade for an example my children. They done this, I would tell either one of them. Good luck with your destruction and ignorance. You have now danced so you got to pay that fiddler. I would tech them a hard lesson. If someone died, I would make damn sure they would go to the funeral and see what grief that they have caused to the family and friends I want them to see that. Alcohol is a serious matter and it can't be swept under the rug and make it disappear. To the ones that done all this to me made it disappear, FUCK YOU! Karma remember it don't forget it.

When you hire a law firm to represent you because you were done wrong and they were lying too you because they were protecting the bad guys right from the start. Fuck'em when you thought you hired the best and they threw you under the bus. I have no use for that kind neither does God. They knew what I was getting from the start and stalled it out on purpose to simply to destroy me everyone around me sees it now. I give myself credit for getting my point across with an email or two. I had enough, shit or get off the pot damn. I need my money I am drowning in life here. They stalled it on purpose technically they were scared of a high profile Civil lawyer and I pray to God one comes my way I am on my knees begging now. Never underestimate a woman that is scorn been done wrong. My numbness is getting worse by the day and all I hear in my head from their worthless doctor, "You can work (me inside my head) I don't have a car bitch, there's nothing wrong with you, it's all in your head." all I was trying to say where I'm hurting and my PTSD was spiraling out of control. There's a reason I don't trust doctors because 9 times out of 10 they simply don't care however they love the money but they don't love their patients or have compassion. What I should have done took her hand and went to Honda World across the street. Buy me a car and I will go to work. How am I suppose to function without a car. I hope Karma comes their way and teaches them a lesson.

The east coast, the stalling was to blame there too. They were scared for a lawyer and some selfish bastards here didn't want me out on the east coast to start with, I loathe them too. Well, plan A is simply destroyed and these idiots here done that on purpose they made sure that plan fell through and it was achieved Plan A went down the drain. I hope they are happy now to destroy something beautiful and I will never find it again. I was happy out there and few couldn't stand it. Why people want me miserable I simply don't understand. So they simply killed that idea. It breaks my heart to pieces. There's always plan B for me. I want out of Arkansas because Arkansas has broke me down to nothing. I have no use for Arkansas at all, I hate this state. My mom, my kids I will visit and return home because I belong on the east coast not here. My time is up and I need a new home and new start in life.

My book 'my book of truth'  about corruption and my wreck sealed the deal regardless of what I am going through at the moment. I don't regret it. I will pull my book from outskirts press and revise and republish. I need to add my wreck and few other things I left out. I will add them trust me. Now I have a story to tell and a good movie deal to boot when the time is right. Even though outskirts press scammed me I pray to God I get a traditional publisher and make things right there and get royalties like I should. I haven't got paid in a year and half so I know I was scammed,  embezzlement at its finest. I hope karma gets outskirts press one day. Fingers crossed for that.

Some days....... Like most days...... I wished I would have died of the wreck. I would have been with my granny and my family and not on earth hurting like I am now. Death is a reward and I am not afraid to die because death is relief from my pain and suffering. Knowing me I will live to be 110 years old. That absolutely positively truthfully sucks!

Right now I am on bended knees and I pray to God that I get justice,  Dr Phil, AL Sharpton and I will put Nancy Grace in there too. I get help on a national level. I pray I get a court date and I get justice. I hope I can stand before all the guilty in the court room one day say what's on my mind. Look at each and every one of them with tears in my eyes and tell them what I really think. I need to be heard and they need to feel what I feel believe me when I start talking they will feel my pain. Trust me, I hurt over this.

I went from a new car, a job, money flow to no car, no job, no money flow.

Now I will have to get a used car and it will take several years to get my life back on track if I don't get on national television and tell my story. I am praying to God everyday that I get that chance to tell my story and NOT get shut down I get shut down everywhere. My rights have been taken away from me for NO reason at all. I pray that I get a bad ass civil lawyer too.

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