February 16, 2015

I am done stick a fork in me!

Here while back I had a run in with an Arkansas state trooper (January 2015). He followed me from Conway to my house then parked in front of my house.  I took a picture and turned his ass in to one of the baddest fucking cops in Arkansas needless to say. I am a law abiding citizen. I do not break the rules I know better.  I wonder if he thought of my PTSD that I have because of the Conway County cops. They put me through hell for many years until I got ran out of the county then I had to move back. I am dealing with too much shit to deal with a fucking cop like that. That asshole can suck my fucking dick.  He does this shit to me one more time I might just fuck him in the ass. I get sick of this crap so bad.  I can't wait to move. I need to breathe not choke. I just need to live somewhere so I can be happy again.

Outskirts Press can kiss my ass with their lies and deceit. I loathe that company and their scamming ways. May they rot in hell.

Love, boy that is a very touchy subject for me. You give it your all and get (I don't have a word to describe what I am feeling right now) anyways have it thrown in your face. I was single for many many many years. I did not want to date and have my kids see one man after another come and go in their lives. I protected them from that and waited til they were grown and then search for love again.  I gave it up for my kids because I know what that is like and it doesn't feel too good. I knew what I was doing and I don't regret it. I thought I found love and fell hard very hard and crashed and burn, that hurt me like no other.  You can't make anyone love you and I don't even try.  I thought after many years of being single I wouldn't get burned boy, I was wrong. No matter what lengths you go and burdens you carry because you want it to work out shit can go south one person can't carry all the weight.  I always find the ones that are still gugu-gaga over the ex. No matter what, ex is an ex for a reason. If they got back together it wouldn't work because of the past relationships. In each other's minds they will compare themselves to the ones they were living with during the break-up. It will run them nuts and the trust would not be there 100%. Been there done that it's a lost cause move on to something better.  Love really sucks and I need to protect myself from it like I did before. Even if my kids are grown still use that excuse. lol they say let it go if it comes back it is meant to be if not it wasn't.  I heard enough of that here lately, said no one ever. Love hurts and hurting well I endure enough of that in my life at the moment. I need some kind of relief. I just wish I had trust, loyalty and respect kind of relationship a power couple relationship when we got each other's backs and grow together. I will pray about it and hope for the best. However this one man has got me fucked up to be honest and I still love him so that is that. He is my soul mate but we have to be on the same level. My heart aches over this, I have never experienced this before not in this lifetime I haven't. Totally in love with him.

My future bankruptcy which I believe that is a good choice for me at the moment and I need that reset button in life, God knows I do. I will come back on top in no time. I am throwing in all my debt after the credit is ran. I will get the right lawyer cuz my SL will be a challenge but I will throw that in too I betcha. I got to trust my gut intuition. After my 2nd ex husband I should not want a relationship EVER I should be cured from that shit for the rest of my life. I hope karma lays him and the wife's ass out one day. She's just as disgusting as he is. Pure white trash that are living high on the hog and screwing the system over like a motherfucker. People like that get a good life people like me that obey the law gets fucked in the ass on a daily basis.  Maybe I should turn evil as fuck and see if I have a better outcome in life.  I am done stick a fork in me.

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