Immortal
Hell that’s what I have been living in for the last soon to be 10 years of my
life! I have been in a very long nightmare, it seem like it doesn't want to end
for me. However I am about to end it with my fictional writing that I have
done, I wish that I could have been more truthful with this whole ordeal but I
don’t want any lawsuits. I have a knack in writing and I think that’s my second
calling in life. I honestly believe that. I have been in the medical field for
21 years did not want to go that far to become an RN and I am glad I didn't because I want to remove myself from the medical field because it’s not for me
anymore. I would have been a great RN but I don’t have the patience for the
doctors because they are licensed thieves, end of story. In writing I find it
comforting, motivating and stimulating.
You know
since my 2nd ex-husband doesn't want to pay his debts and I have to
pay for them however that is OK now. When my book royalties come in I can
actually get my shit together because in the last 10 years it’s been hard to
do. I can pay off this nightmare of collection over the years. I have worked
myself to death and still can’t get ahead. I can’t get a college degree either. It’s a
damn shame too that a person can’t get a break from all the corruption from one
county and that is a very, very sad thing right there. I will take care of my
mom’s stuff too and make sure that my son and daughter is set up and when it’s
time for me to leave this world. I will have it set up my children they will
get 50/50 out of my writings/publishing’s that is a promise. Through my writing
my kids will get a college degree and have a better life than me. I will make
sure that their needs are met that is a promise that I can keep. They WILL NOT
go through what I have been through not gonna happen not in this lifetime. I
love my kids. Whatever comes my way with these books good or bad, I have a
backbone and I can take the heat. I will do anything for my kids.
I am so sick
of this bullshit I have to live in and I am so glad I took this to the internet
like I did in 2010. I am so glad that I am growing on the World Wide Web too I
am growing every day that will be a blessing for me, my mom and my kids in the
near future. I can’t wait to get my ass on Dr Phil either. I am not going to
hold in my emotions and rage. I think people should see how I really feel about
this situation and my dad’s situation. IDGAF what people around here has to say
about it. If it is something negative they can suck my dick. I am that fed up.
All I am doing is telling the truth and not sugar coating a damn thing. My cup
has runneth over a long time ago.
I can’t wait
to move to the east coast. I can’t wait so I can breathe again and I can’t wait
to rebuild my life and this time I am going to rebuild it through writing. I
done my compassion and hospitality work for a long time in the medical field
and now I want to hang that up and go with the flow with words because words
are beautiful. I am tired and exhausted because I can’t get NO where in life
because of the nosy ass bastards that I have to deal with. I can’t wait for
karma to zap their ass and make them feel like I felt, hopeless and nowhere to
go just a dead end road of destruction for many many years. They need to feel
what I have felt over the years. It’s not a good feeling to be burden with and
trying to live your life in the meantime through the darkness.
I have a right
to walk away from my dad too, I put up with mental abuse and control for 37
years. 37 years on an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Yes, there were
good times but the bad outweighed the good.
I don’t have to worry about being mentally beat down any longer, I don’t
have to worry about crying over hurtful words, I don’t have to live in fear and
I don’t have to feel like a piece of shit laying on the floor because I didn't want to do something that I did not want to do in the first place. My second book, I see in a whole
different light. I see things for what they are and it’s not a good feeling to
have. I am proud to write this book, I needed to do this and God knows it too. God
has been through every step of the way with my writing and I thank him for
letting me to release how I feel. Amen!
Moving away
I can heal myself and that is a good thing right there I need that so bad. I am
glad that I am able to recognize it and walk away from it. I am NOT a bad
person for doing so people think I am, they can kiss my ass, seriously they
can! My cards in life that I have been dealt with have been a pretty shitty
hand. I am NOT going to let this get the best of me any longer. It has got the
best of me majority of my life. I am glad that I decided to write myself out of
this situation through a self-publishing company I can’t wait to get started
with them. I wanted to pay for this on my own, money doesn't come to me easy; I have
to work my ass off for it that’s the God’s honest truth. A very smart move for
a woman that has had a dark cloud over her most of her life because I still
have that hope for better days to come. Since writing I have become more
positive than negative, I thought I would never see the day. I am proud of
myself. I think I have handled myself pretty good so far and I am so ready for
my publishing’s in the near future. I have worked my ass off to the bone and it
will pay off in the long run.
