March 17, 2011

This County has Emotionally, Mentally and Physically ran me into the GROUND.

I have been working on this since September 17th of 2010. Today makes 6 months. I just got my feel of the bullsh*t and I really didn’t know how to deal with it. However putting my feelings on my blog and let the world see and read what I am really feeling inside makes it a little easier to live with. I moved back to this horrible county in May of 2010 and it was really hard on me living here by September of 2010, I was in a nervous wreck. I just could not take it anymore. I never had any problems expressing myself over this situation. If I don’t get it out of me, this could run me nuts or make me really bad sick. I am very opinionated and vocal person, I had to be, to get along in this world. My life hasn’t been peaches and crème; I have had a very rough road to hold and raising my kids as well, that’s extremely hard. My kids shouldn't have been put through this, which is very sad right there, it really is. My life is pretty much a headache. However I am a very thankful for the good things that are presented to me from time to time not very often though. That is one thing I can say, I am extremely thankful person and I appreciate what is given to me that is the truth. I think I have put up with enough and I need to see a break, years and years I have been living in hell and basically I think that is how life really is and logically I know it’s not how life is supposed to be. I am just tired of it and tired of the slandering to tell you the truth of the matter. I have had people come up to me and like my BlogSpot and some told me how you dare you say those things. I had my come back if you would open your small and uneducated mind and look at the “Big Picture” then you would understand. This county is f*cked up and everything is done ass backwards. It seems like I am the only one that is making a stance. There are people that have lost loved ones and let me tell you this much there are a bunch of those people that are grieving over the dead. Just remember the dead can’t talk it is going to take the living to be their voices. I hope that I don’t have to deal with death that would really push me over the edge I feel so sorry for the ones that have lost their family along the way over stupid BS; I just wish they would make a stand too and do something about this county. I really do and it would make a difference. I know it would. This county is pathetic and it needs an extreme makeover and get rid of the low lives that run it. It is not the 1950’s not by a long shot. Thank God! I had my fair share of things (yes) I have, however February 26th of this year. I had a very eventful day (yes) I did. However my blow out that happened on the way to town, with a car full of teenagers mind you. If it comes to light that these 2 little boys that I know, the ones that I am having problems with had anything to do with it, they are in some deep doo-doo. I promise one thing, I will put them so far under the jail cell and they will NEVER see the light of day again. That is a promise I can make. One left out of state that day and I hope the hell he lives out there and NEVER moves back. I am going to wish really hard on that one. But like the story goes, I bet he is causing hell and havoc out there. So who knows. They might have their bluff in on everybody not me I am not scared of them not by a long shot. Talking about being quite since his brother moved out of state, I haven’t heard a word how ironic is that and I am glad that I got to see this and it shows me what is really up. Someone told me that he does not have a protector now since his brother is gone. This has been a real eye opener for me and I understand it now. It took a move out of the state to realize who was actually started sh*t with me. His younger brother is about dumb as a box of rocks and you can put him up to anything if he knows someone has his back, LOL. The ones that are married to these little boys are as dumb as a box of rocks too. I look back and see how stupid I looked and I am very ashamed of myself. Why did I do that? WTF, was I thinking? I needed my ass kicked up between my shoulders for real. I had to pull out of college this semester my nerves are bad and something had to give. I hated the fact that it was my studies that had to suffer for it. I have never done this before and I hope my university understands however I was on a brink of a nervous breakdown. Hell my nerves are still bad. I hope all is well and I can resume in the fall. I hope and pray that there are no problems and I can just start right back up. That scares me to death; I don’t have a degree and my student loans to boot, WTF. I am in a world of hurt if I can’t. Try to go to college and I can’t even do that and my nerves are worn thin. I was going to go into nursing school that would have been something else. Nursing school and the way my life is, yep that would have ended my life real quick. I could have not put up with both of those at the same time, hell to the NO! I am a strong person but not that strong. It is sad that a person can’t have anything in their life however I have become accustomed to it. My life is a big pile of sh*t and I get so sick of how I have to live I swear I do. There is one thing I can say, I am not afraid of death, not at all. The man up above knows what misery I live in everyday of my life. The way I see it I would be free of everything no more worries that is for sure. A stroke or heart attack will take me out, with all the stress I live with and it is a lot. Sometimes I really don’t know how I do it, I really don’t. I step off my front porch and people know when I am gone and they know what I am doing and when I get back home. Now, what kind of life is that to live? I am not a famous person either, just a regular woman that is trying to live her life and it is very hard to do, yes it is. I hate this county and I hate this state. If I ever get a chance to get the hell out of here, I am gone with the wind and I will never look back and not regret one thing about moving away, far away. That is a promise I can keep. Between my taxes and student loans and my regular bills oh about 55 grand. I am glad I don’t own a house or land. I would really be 6 feet under then. I am the one that is doing right and I am the one that is trying. A big pile of sh*t gets dumped on my head on a daily basis. I am just sick of it and want a change in my life. I hope that I can get my idea off the ground. Find me a web designer that I like and get LegalZoom for my legal work and maybe just maybe I can do something with my life before I die. Living in hell I am sick of it and I need a different outlook in life. I swear to God if I can sue this county and there is a chance in the future that I can, so help me God paybacks are going be a bitch from me I swear it is, no holds bar. I am going to rip this county a new a**hole no doubt about that. This is years of punishment for no reason at all. In the long rung of this situation I will be glad I didn't back down. If I live long enough to see it, the FEDS don’t have to worry. Because I will help them nip it in the bud real quick like! When the sh*t goes down they all better be ready!