July 9, 2014

NEVER ever be afraid to speak your mind!

That is one thing I have learnt in life, never be afraid to voice your opinion on anything. You have every right to say how you feel with all the emotions going through your body at that moment. It doesn't matter if people get mad or they get happy. You are the one that has to live with yourself on a daily basis no one else. I will tell you right now, no one will take up for YOU but you! You have to have backbone and duck feathers to survive in this sick and twisted world. Stand your ground.  As far as Outskirts Press, do I feel sorry for what I did? Hell NO! I work at a hospital and I have compassion. I work my ass off too for the patients just saying! 1st of all Outhouse Press doesn't give a shit about you or your work. I learnt that fast. Most writers especially me have emotional bond with words. My writing is my therapy of life's shit that was thrown at me. Do you think they cared about my trauma? Hell NO! Only thing that predators and scammmers care about is the MONEY how they can screw over a vulnerable person. A person that doesn't know much about writing or publishing.  See, I'm street smart and street tough. I had a gut feeling about this after they took my money. I'm not on here to give them hell. I blogged about this to educate people and show them the ropes to stay the hell away from scum like that. I know one thing, I will not look at my sales again. I will buy my books for my book signings that's it. I will not email them because it takes up to a week for them to reply back and I got proof of that.  I will not call because they will not call you back. This is a lesson I learned in life. I know $1500.00 is a lot but I know people that spent 3-8 thousand to them, they lost out too. If that was me, I just heard about these stories. I would have gone to the local news station here in Little Rock. They can get some stuff started for sure. Investigating at its finest!  I'm just warning people, this was my experience and it was a bad one. I will bounce back. I always do but I will voice my opinion in the process and NO fucks will be given. I am a good person with a soul however the truth will always roll off my tongue.  Like the story goes, "you will get glad in the same pants you got mad in."

I don't know what to think anymore about my life. I don't give a shit what people think about me in Conway County, Arkansas.  I can't wait to move to the east coast,  that will be a happy day for me especially now since I found someone. I look back at the last 10 years. I have survived,  stalking, slandering, bullying,  sexual assault to suicide.  It's amazing that I'm still living. However there's not a day that I don't give thanks to the man above because I woke the fuck up and I am still breathing. There will be a day that I will not wake up and that will be all she wrote maybe I will find peace then. God, knows that I'm feisty, non-compliant, I cuss like a sailor. He still loves me and that is something I know whole heartily.  My 2nd book, I hope to God I get that one finished soon. All the life obstacles I deal with I just don't know about it. I will keep on pushing and thriving like I always do.  That one is dealing with a parent,  mental abuse, control,  bullying.  I don't regret washing my hands from him because that poison is no longer in my body and I will never ever subject myself to that again. I love my dad but I love him from a far. I love him from a distance because I can't live like that anymore. I'm a getting my shit together and I'm done with crying. I'm over and past that. My 3rd book is a reflection of the 1st book the prelude where it all started.  No need to say anymore. That is one roller coaster ride that I'm glad that I'm off of, never again. God has his plans for me, I know he does.  I have to trust him and trust my struggle along the way. I know God is good and he is good all the time.