Before I start off with my Blog, I wanted to state that I am turning a very negative situation into a positive. I am reaching into deep dark realms of despair within my life and focusing on healing myself and my soul. Here in the south that’s hard to comprehend. I found an outlet and I am taking advantage of it through the help of God. There’s nothing wrong about healing myself and writing it in a story form. I am coming out of a dark hole and into light; I love every minute of it. I think I have every right to do this and I don’t have to make sense to others as long as I am learning and healing from my writing. This is my journey no one else’s. I just took a unique stance and I have no intentions of backing down what-so-ever.
I have come a long way since 2010 in retrospect since 2007, I really began to blog then however I have lost numerous Myspace pages because of hackers. That is OK though, it has made me stronger in the process no matter if they are here or not. Writing is such a sweet release and it keeps me from going to jail with that being stated I don’t have to worry about 3 hots and cot plus a dose of lethal injection. I am making it through this and even if I am losing a lot of people along the way, I just have a good feeling that God is leading me into a better direction in life.
My life has been in shambles since 2010. I have had to move and I had to sell all my stuff. I had to sell all my stuff not once I had to do that 3 times in my life. I got involved with the wrong men and after the 2nd time, I said, hell with it and I have remained single since 2004 I had to sell all my stuff twice over that sorry bastard. This time I really sank in a hole. The last time I got a car was in 2005, how I could get another car with the mess that my last ex made for me. I really don’t know how I am standing but I am God has a plan for me with my writing and that is a fact.
OK, here is the deal with my book. I am doing my books to get myself out of the hole, get my mom’s bills paid off too most of all I WILL make sure that my kids go to college and have a home and car because I know how hard that is and I will help my children anyway I can. I know one thing that is for certain, my children will never ever go down the path that I chose. My children are smart well behaved and very loved. I see a motherfucker get in my way over these books because I am telling the truth BUT in a fictional way. I will throat punch so fast they will wish they were dead. I have dealt with enough of the chaos and bullshit for a life time. Now I want to live in peace and tranquility. My kids come first and that is that. I will make sure they are taken care of.
I was told if anyone tried to sue me, that right there alone is a guilty conscience. People really don’t know of the ones that I am talking about and they might not want to be seen to be honest however I will make the Dr. Phil show, it will take some time but I will get there. I was told I really need to get my 2nd book online to step up in that direction where Dr. Phil can understand it better. I am halfway done with my 2nd book in a few months I should be good to go and send it off. I think that these people should see my emotions and how I really feel about this situation. It’s not going to be a pretty sight to see and that is real talk. I was told you will make an impact with the Dr. Phil show for sure.
Only the people that have problems with my blog, my book are the ones that are afraid of the truth that’s all. I have been through hell, oh about 50 plus times. Like the old saying goes, “Religion is for the ones that are afraid to go to hell, spirituality, are the ones that have been to hell numerous times like myself.” I am glad that God chose me to write myself out of this situation. I know deep down in my heart that I will help others out too because they will relate to it somehow someway. I just have bigger balls than most people around here because I am one fed up woman.
Why I chose Portland, Maine. I want a fresh new start and I want to be at peace and I want to live where no one knows me because all due in respect I don’t like to be fucked with. I have dealt with a lot of trauma in my life and I would like to heal from that before I die, I really would. I just want to be at peace and something tells me that Portland is where I need to start go from there. I know I will never be the same but I like to have a chance of happiness I think I deserve that much I really do.