Before I
start off with my Blog, I wanted to state that I am turning a very negative
situation into a positive. I am reaching into deep dark realms of
despair within my life and focusing on healing myself and my soul. Here in the
south that’s hard to comprehend. I found an outlet and I am taking advantage of
it through the help of God. There’s nothing wrong about healing myself and
writing it in a story form. I am coming out of a dark hole and into light; I
love every minute of it. I think I have every right to do this and I don’t have
to make sense to others as long as I am learning and healing from my writing.
This is my journey no one else’s. I just took a unique stance and I have no
intentions of backing down what-so-ever.
I have come
a long way since 2010 in retrospect since 2007, I really began to blog then
however I have lost numerous Myspace pages because of hackers. That is OK though, it has made me stronger in the process no matter if they are here or
not. Writing is such a sweet release and it keeps me from going to jail with
that being stated I don’t have to worry about 3 hots and cot plus a dose of
lethal injection. I am making it through this and even if I am losing a lot of people
along the way, I just have a good feeling that God is leading me into a better direction in life.
My life has
been in shambles since 2010. I have had to move and I had to sell all my stuff.
I had to sell all my stuff not once I had to do that 3 times in my life. I got
involved with the wrong men and after the 2nd time, I said, hell
with it and I have remained single since 2004 I had to sell all my stuff twice
over that sorry bastard. This time I really sank in a hole. The last time I got
a car was in 2005, how I could get another car with the mess that my last ex
made for me. I really don’t know how I am standing but I am God has a plan for
me with my writing and that is a fact.
OK, here is
the deal with my book. I am doing my books to get myself out of the hole, get
my mom’s bills paid off too most of all I WILL make sure that my kids go to
college and have a home and car because I know how hard that is and I will help
my children anyway I can. I know one thing that is for certain, my children
will never ever go down the path that I chose. My children are smart well
behaved and very loved. I see a motherfucker get in my way over these books
because I am telling the truth BUT in a fictional way. I will throat punch so
fast they will wish they were dead. I have dealt with enough of the chaos and
bullshit for a life time. Now I want to live in peace and tranquility. My kids
come first and that is that. I will make sure they are taken care of.
I was told
if anyone tried to sue me, that right there alone is a guilty conscience.
People really don’t know of the ones that I am talking about and they might not want to be seen to be honest however I will make the Dr. Phil show, it will take some time but I will get
there. I was told I really need to get my 2nd book online to step up in that
direction where Dr. Phil can understand it better. I am halfway done with
my 2nd book in a few months I should be good to go and send it off. I
think that these people should see my emotions and how I really feel about this
situation. It’s not going to be a pretty sight to see and that is real talk. I
was told you will make an impact with the Dr. Phil show for sure.
Only the
people that have problems with my blog, my book are the ones that are afraid of the truth
that’s all. I have been through hell, oh about 50 plus times. Like the old
saying goes, “Religion is for the ones that are afraid to go to hell,
spirituality, are the ones that have been to hell numerous times like myself.”
I am glad that God chose me to write myself out of this situation. I know deep
down in my heart that I will help others out too because they will relate to it
somehow someway. I just have bigger balls than most people around here because I am one fed up woman.
Why I chose
Portland, Maine. I want a fresh new start and I want to be at peace and I want
to live where no one knows me because all due in respect I don’t like to be
fucked with. I have dealt with a lot of trauma in my life and I would like to
heal from that before I die, I really would. I just want to be at peace and
something tells me that Portland is where I need to start go from there. I know I will never
be the same but I like to have a chance of happiness I think I deserve that
much I really do.
