November 26, 2013

My 1st Book

My book, it took me about 6 months to type up and almost 9 months to get published. I was really worried about the publishing. I paid for it all by myself and that was a big accomplishment for me. I got what I could afford at the time and when I can get more money I can upgrade my package to what I want, I am glad I went with this self-publishing company. I have been blogging for a long time now here on BlogSpot and MySpace too. This book took my anger and rage to places that I haven’t been before. I knew when I went into this I needed to change the names however I kept the places to make it more personal. I had to watch my P’s and Q’s too. I came to almost 50,000 words and here comes a writer’s block because this was still going on and I did not know how to end it. I knew that I did not need any type of lawsuits of any kind. I have talked to 2 professionals and they told me to keep my feet firm on the ground because of the ones that really keep up with my sites. So I sat down with one of them and they told me to own the ending make it fictional, so a lawsuit couldn't be brought against me. I sat there like WTF am I going to talk about. I thought at that point just scrap the book and say fuck it be done with it. He told me to stop that nonsense come up with an ending. He had a piece of paper in his hand and he asked me, what is one thing you don’t believe in? I told him and he wrote it down he ask me again what is another thing you don’t believe in? I looked at him crazy this time and I told him. He wrote that down too. Then he gave me the piece of paper and told me I have my ending and get to work on it. I was in shock; I told him I can’t do this. He looked at me straight in the eyes told me (yes) you can Tina. You got this. So I ponder on that note for 2 weeks. Of all the places to get that piece of paper out and look at it. The ending came to me. I was in a good place too. That was when I worked psych a lot. Yes, I wrote my ending in between my 15 minute rounds. I know right, I have been drove crazy and I complete my ending in a psych ward as I worked. Til this day, I shake my head with amazement. I had people all around me telling me that I own this book and I need to own the ending too. I am very proud of this book and very proud of the manuscript review team with the company I am going with. They absolutely liked it. That boost my confidence up where it needed to be. I can’t wait for this book to get online. I have always liked to write and I am glad that was able to do this and I overcame my problems with these people. I don’t think I will ever forget what had happen to me but I will forgive and go on because that will help me out. My 2nd book that one is about to kill me right now with depression but I have to hurdle through it like a champ just like I had to do with my first book. My first book I dealt with anger and rage now depression with my second book. I can’t imagine what my third and final book is going to bring me.  I am rolling with all types of emotions. I hope and pray that I get through it. 

You can Google this place and the county. There's already a book out about this county however I don't think there were many books sold at the time it was published to be honest. 

November 4, 2013

Immortal Hell

Immortal Hell that’s what I have been living in for the last soon to be 10 years of my life! I have been in a very long nightmare, it seem like it doesn't want to end for me. However I am about to end it with my fictional writing that I have done, I wish that I could have been more truthful with this whole ordeal but I don’t want any lawsuits. I have a knack in writing and I think that’s my second calling in life. I honestly believe that. I have been in the medical field for 21 years did not want to go that far to become an RN and I am glad I didn't because I want to remove myself from the medical field because it’s not for me anymore. I would have been a great RN but I don’t have the patience for the doctors because they are licensed thieves, end of story. In writing I find it comforting, motivating and stimulating.

You know since my 2nd ex-husband doesn't want to pay his debts and I have to pay for them however that is OK now. When my book royalties come in I can actually get my shit together because in the last 10 years it’s been hard to do. I can pay off this nightmare of collection over the years. I have worked myself to death and still can’t get ahead. I can’t get a college degree either. It’s a damn shame too that a person can’t get a break from all the corruption from one county and that is a very, very sad thing right there. I will take care of my mom’s stuff too and make sure that my son and daughter is set up and when it’s time for me to leave this world. I will have it set up my children they will get 50/50 out of my writings/publishing’s that is a promise. Through my writing my kids will get a college degree and have a better life than me. I will make sure that their needs are met that is a promise that I can keep. They WILL NOT go through what I have been through not gonna happen not in this lifetime. I love my kids. Whatever comes my way with these books good or bad, I have a backbone and I can take the heat. I will do anything for my kids.

I am so sick of this bullshit I have to live in and I am so glad I took this to the internet like I did in 2010. I am so glad that I am growing on the World Wide Web too I am growing every day that will be a blessing for me, my mom and my kids in the near future. I can’t wait to get my ass on Dr Phil either. I am not going to hold in my emotions and rage. I think people should see how I really feel about this situation and my dad’s situation. IDGAF what people around here has to say about it. If it is something negative they can suck my dick. I am that fed up. All I am doing is telling the truth and not sugar coating a damn thing. My cup has runneth over a long time ago.

I can’t wait to move to the east coast. I can’t wait so I can breathe again and I can’t wait to rebuild my life and this time I am going to rebuild it through writing. I done my compassion and hospitality work for a long time in the medical field and now I want to hang that up and go with the flow with words because words are beautiful. I am tired and exhausted because I can’t get NO where in life because of the nosy ass bastards that I have to deal with. I can’t wait for karma to zap their ass and make them feel like I felt, hopeless and nowhere to go just a dead end road of destruction for many many years. They need to feel what I have felt over the years. It’s not a good feeling to be burden with and trying to live your life in the meantime through the darkness.

I have a right to walk away from my dad too, I put up with mental abuse and control for 37 years. 37 years on an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Yes, there were good times but the bad outweighed the good.  I don’t have to worry about being mentally beat down any longer, I don’t have to worry about crying over hurtful words, I don’t have to live in fear and I don’t have to feel like a piece of shit laying on the floor because I didn't want to do something that I did not want to do in the first place. My second book, I see in a whole different light. I see things for what they are and it’s not a good feeling to have. I am proud to write this book, I needed to do this and God knows it too. God has been through every step of the way with my writing and I thank him for letting me to release how I feel. Amen!

Moving away I can heal myself and that is a good thing right there I need that so bad. I am glad that I am able to recognize it and walk away from it. I am NOT a bad person for doing so people think I am, they can kiss my ass, seriously they can! My cards in life that I have been dealt with have been a pretty shitty hand. I am NOT going to let this get the best of me any longer. It has got the best of me majority of my life. I am glad that I decided to write myself out of this situation through a self-publishing company I can’t wait to get started with them. I wanted to pay for this on my own, money doesn't come to me easy; I have to work my ass off for it that’s the God’s honest truth. A very smart move for a woman that has had a dark cloud over her most of her life because I still have that hope for better days to come. Since writing I have become more positive than negative, I thought I would never see the day. I am proud of myself. I think I have handled myself pretty good so far and I am so ready for my publishing’s in the near future. I have worked my ass off to the bone and it will pay off in the long run.