Immortal Hell

Immortal Hell that’s what I have been living in for the last soon to be 10 years of my life! I have been in a very long nightmare, it seem like it doesn't want to end for me. However I am about to end it with my fictional writing that I have done, I wish that I could have been more truthful with this whole ordeal but I don’t want any lawsuits. I have a knack in writing and I think that’s my second calling in life. I honestly believe that. I have been in the medical field for 21 years did not want to go that far to become an RN and I am glad I didn't because I want to remove myself from the medical field because it’s not for me anymore. I would have been a great RN but I don’t have the patience for the doctors because they are licensed thieves, end of story. In writing I find it comforting, motivating and stimulating.

You know since my 2^nd ex-husband doesn't want to pay his debts and I have to pay for them however that is OK now. When my book royalties come in I can actually get my shit together because in the last 10 years it’s been hard to do. I can pay off this nightmare of collection over the years. I have worked myself to death and still can’t get ahead. I can’t get a college degree either. It’s a damn shame too that a person can’t get a break from all the corruption from one county and that is a very, very sad thing right there. I will take care of my mom’s stuff too and make sure that my son and daughter is set up and when it’s time for me to leave this world. I will have it set up my children they will get 50/50 out of my writings/publishing’s that is a promise. Through my writing my kids will get a college degree and have a better life than me. I will make sure that their needs are met that is a promise that I can keep. They WILL NOT go through what I have been through not gonna happen not in this lifetime. I love my kids. Whatever comes my way with these books good or bad, I have a backbone and I can take the heat. I will do anything for my kids.

I am so sick of this bullshit I have to live in and I am so glad I took this to the internet like I did in 2010. I am so glad that I am growing on the World Wide Web too I am growing every day that will be a blessing for me, my mom and my kids in the near future. I can’t wait to get my ass on Dr Phil either. I am not going to hold in my emotions and rage. I think people should see how I really feel about this situation and my dad’s situation. IDGAF what people around here has to say about it. If it is something negative they can suck my dick. I am that fed up. All I am doing is telling the truth and not sugar coating a damn thing. My cup has runneth over a long time ago.

I can’t wait to move to the east coast. I can’t wait so I can breathe again and I can’t wait to rebuild my life and this time I am going to rebuild it through writing. I done my compassion and hospitality work for a long time in the medical field and now I want to hang that up and go with the flow with words because words are beautiful. I am tired and exhausted because I can’t get NO where in life because of the nosy ass bastards that I have to deal with. I can’t wait for karma to zap their ass and make them feel like I felt, hopeless and nowhere to go just a dead end road of destruction for many many years. They need to feel what I have felt over the years. It’s not a good feeling to be burden with and trying to live your life in the meantime through the darkness.

I have a right to walk away from my dad too, I put up with mental abuse and control for 37 years. 37 years on an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Yes, there were good times but the bad outweighed the good.  I don’t have to worry about being mentally beat down any longer, I don’t have to worry about crying over hurtful words, I don’t have to live in fear and I don’t have to feel like a piece of shit laying on the floor because I didn't want to do something that I did not want to do in the first place. My second book, I see in a whole different light. I see things for what they are and it’s not a good feeling to have. I am proud to write this book, I needed to do this and God knows it too. God has been through every step of the way with my writing and I thank him for letting me to release how I feel. Amen!

Moving away I can heal myself and that is a good thing right there I need that so bad. I am glad that I am able to recognize it and walk away from it. I am NOT a bad person for doing so people think I am, they can kiss my ass, seriously they can! My cards in life that I have been dealt with have been a pretty shitty hand. I am NOT going to let this get the best of me any longer. It has got the best of me majority of my life. I am glad that I decided to write myself out of this situation through a self-publishing company I can’t wait to get started with them. I wanted to pay for this on my own, money doesn't come to me easy; I have to work my ass off for it that’s the God’s honest truth. A very smart move for a woman that has had a dark cloud over her most of her life because I still have that hope for better days to come. Since writing I have become more positive than negative, I thought I would never see the day. I am proud of myself. I think I have handled myself pretty good so far and I am so ready for my publishing’s in the near future. I have worked my ass off to the bone and it will pay off in the long run.

I am done, stick a fork in me! Done, Done, Done!

I think I am plagued by ‘white trash’ this letter that I got today about done me in, no I take that back it did do me in almost to my grave. The deaths that I have to deal with and the ignorance of one situation over an innocent life, I really don’t know how much more I can take of this nonsense. You can look back in my blog archive and see what I have been dealing with when it comes to taxes. I have been sinking like a turd in the well since 2010. The motherfucker hasn't filed his fucking taxes since 2003. If he filed his fucking taxes they would have not sent me a letter. I am the ONLY one filing taxes and yes they are going to come after me and I think I might quit filing my taxes too. Hell he does not work, he just a piece of shit, end of story. Low life white trash! Some of his people were in my house not that long ago. They can’t get enough of me I suppose; hell I don’t know what is going on. Then I get this letter in the mail. Someone told me I can get a lawyer he can go back on my federal (I paid in 8 grand already) and state and make him pay for what I have paid in, ‘innocent spouse’ I can be reimbursed if I just try. I really need to be reimbursed more than $15,000, what I have to put up with for going on nearly 10 years. That is REAL TALK! That is entirely to long to put up with situation like this to be honest.

I am going with my BFF on this one, once I get my books online. I got a 2^nd job for that too to get the job done. Now I have to get a 3^rd job for the lawyer fees. God damn those motherfuckers they are going to pay for this shit! However, she looked into my eyes and I was crying and carrying on here while back I had a meltdown. Because I had enough of this bullshit, she looked at me and said, Tina, once you are published and your book royalties come in and you will get on Dr Phil because this is right up his ally. Then you will have movie producers come to you because of the mountain you came from. Then you will have book royalties and movie royalties in the near future because you have something to write about. You want live in Maine, go for it. When you are in Maine then you see Arkansas on TV flipped them off and look up to God and say thank you, I am NOT living in that chaos anymore because my life will get better and better. She has a good point and I am going to achieve that. Because I am dying in Arkansas, I can’t get ahead here to save my life. I have been beaten down to the ground and I don’t know how I am still holding up but I know my writing will take me places because I have a story to write that is for sure a real thing. This is getting ridiculous it’s 2013. They need to pay that debt and close that fucking door! Amen!

On the note: I have no last names( but mine that is my name) nor addresses on that picture so go fuck yourself to Oblivion capish!  This is a story I’m not making up, when I find my federal; I will put another one with it. DILLIGAF, NOPE, BOOM!  Like an "Old" friend of ours told me, since we did NOT have any kids together this is one way to stay attach to my hip and I think they are right. I am about to unattached that shit real fast like. 

Well I finally have a letter in my hands and it's 2013 over taxes with his name on it. This will fit perfectly when I get on the Dr Phil show. I am NOT a lying bitch. Those people are the lying bitches. Living high on the hog, and lying every step of the way. Karma is going to be such a bitch to them one day.

They Say I am 50 Shades of Cray-Cray!

They say that I am a pain in the ass; they say that I am shit starter and they say that I should go to a psychiatric center.

To me, I don’t sugar coat anything, I call it like I see it and I don’t beat around the bush. Here in the South you are one of the above that I mention (you're crazy) if you don’t play by the rules. I am like ‘rules’ fuck that shit. Someone ask for my opinion, they better be prepared for the truth.

See I started this blog 3 years ago. I am going to give a prime example of what I am dealing with. See my paparazzi are a group of meth heads and it seems that I can’t get away from them. They stay up in my business and they stay up in my life. Tweakers will tweak. The geekers will geek. Until they get clean they will continue this nonsense of disrupting other people’s lives.

See I had 3 deaths in my family. My uncle which had cancer and we knew that was a given when his time came. Then my aunt got sick and died 5 weeks after my uncle. My aunt was a sudden death, she wasn't in good health but it was still a sudden death. I lived by her and it was a close nit circle. However when people die, others will come to the house bring food, flowers and money etc. That’s how it is and that’s all I have ever seen. Just helping each other out in a time of need, loss of a loved one.

We had lots of family to help too however a couple stood out and it was the night of the family hour. The 2 that wanted to stay behind and help, I was like hell no, that wasn't going to happen. Why? Because they are friends with the ones that I have been blogging about for oh about 3 years now! I was going to stay behind but there were couple said they would, so they did. We were told what had happen and they haven’t seen anything like it before and did not understand what was going on. Well, I knew and that was why I wanted to stay behind. I have zero tolerance to bullshit!

My opinion of this situation:

Here I have a blog out and I can’t stand these people and these people were in my home and my aunt’s home. One of them actually stood in my kitchen. I could NOT believe she was in my kitchen how bold and how dumb. I guess they don't understand LEAVE ME ALONE! I have blogged about this white trash bullshit for years all because my cousin invited them over.  Now, if they had sense but dope heads don’t have sense they would be like ‘hell no I am NOT coming around that place’ but there was a reason. How come they did not come over when I was there and other people was there? They came over when there were 4 people there not a house full and the other 2 stayed behind for a reason. That was very odd to come over like that, they are not welcome here.

The reason, I really don’t think they would have taken anything that night I really don’t however they were scoping the houses out though. Taking a mental picture and come back later on.  My ex brother in law from my last marriage have stolen so much shit in his lifetime it doesn't make sense. He gets away with it too, explain that one to me. Now we had 4 drug users and a drug dealer in these houses while EVERYONE was gone but a few. I really don’t appreciate this shit all. I am pretty much fucking pissed off about it. They knew I did not want them over and they done it anyways. I have been blogging and I have been tweeting. I did not do this for my health I did this because I can’t get help in Arkansas. This right here shows me a thing or two. It will be 10 years (mind you) in January I still have to put up with this bullshit. But that is OK……

I can’t wait to get my 1^st book online to sell and I will have my 2^nd book done soon when I can get it typed out but with my chaotic life of death I hope I can soon, it will not take me that long. I will get on Dr Phil too. I am so done with this situation. Dope heads get away with so much shit and it makes me sick. Then the police will NOT do a damn thing about it. That’s pretty fucking sorry. Coming into these houses has invaded my privacy and IF they come around, they are bought and paid for, end of story. I am NOT fucking around.

September 17, 2010 to September 17, 2013

1) I don’t have any regrets of what I have written and of what I have said. I have every right to say what I want to say. I just have bigger balls than most people.


2) I will get my books on line and I will continue writing. I have learned a lot about myself and I will continue to learn.


3) My main reasons for my publishing’s of my books are for ME to make me a better person and to get that damn chip off my back, and provide a better life for my daughter, my son and my mother they deserve that much those 3 are my life and I love them with all my heart..


4) I have a story to tell and it will be told, end of story!


I will continue to have fun and grow on the World Wide Web and most of all keep it 100. Either you love me or hate me, because I am going to keep doing what I am doing. Just Google Tina Graves you will find my social sites one way or another. Thank You

Mental Abuse and Physical Abuse

Those are some touchy subjects. I have encountered both to be exact. I know all about it. Both can cause deep pain a lot worse than a scar that you can see with the eye. The pain grows deep down inside and sometimes it just stays there festering waiting to pop.

Mental abuse is so raw and sharp and straight the point of a spontaneous combustion waiting to happen when you least expect it. The torturing of the mind by a bully, bullies are the ones that cause the most pain when it comes to mental abuse. I remember my dad as I was growing up and how he treated my mom and my step mom. It was so wrong on so many levels.  I just got used to it and thought it was normal to act that way. He was so rude with me too. However I grew up in that environment and that it was the norm. Oh how I was wrong. But it took to me 37 years to wake up and smell the motherfucking coffee. It was December 7^th 2011 to be exact and I walked away and never have looked back and stood my ground with all the non-sense bullshit he swung my way. I don’t have time for it. I have been educating myself and opening my eyes with mental abuse and I have learned a lot.

Physical abuse I have encountered that with my relationships. I have seen physical abuse as I was growing up too. However if you say something about it people now will lie their way out of it like it did not happen. I always ignored it back then now I think how stupid people really were covering that shit up. I have had my fair share. I remember with my 2^nd marriage my ex-husband beat me one afternoon. My leg till this day has a dent in it. When I got picked up and thrown at the corner of the closet. I thought to myself, I was not going to put up with this shit. I went to dad’s and he took pictures and went to mom’s she took pictures then I bought a throw away and I had pictures taken. That was the end of that and he never hit me again until the night of our divorce. However karma will zap his ass soon and I will laugh my ass off long time coming. 

Mental and physical abuse is sore subjects to many people in the world. It’s how you deal with it and I am dealing with mine through writing.As I write I understand myself more I don’t hate myself like I used to. I am starting to love myself and that is amazing because I am a damaged person. I am working to be better and help other people out in the process. I understand the way I am. I understand the relationships with men I chose. I know what is right and what is wrong. I know how I was raised is not normal at all. It was fucked up and the bad outweighed the good and I see that clearly in my 2^nd book. Writing has been and eye opener and a blessing all rolled up into one. It’s indescribable to be honest about it I don’t know how to explain it. I will continue to write until the day I die.

A lot of people that I know don’t understand why I am writing these books and there are some that I know totally understand why I am writing. I just have enough balls and guts to write it down and get it out there. I am a type of person that really doesn’t give a fuck what people think of me. I did not choose to write, writing chose me through the help of God. Writing is therapy and understanding oneself is a brilliant idea.  I can’t wait to get published and I can’t wait to get out of Arkansas. I am nothing but miserable here. One day I will pack my bags and walk away I will never look back and question my decision to leave this state. I have had enough of the bullshit from the cops, informants and my dad. It’s that simple. I am done stick a fork in me and I can’t wait to get published and get my life back in order. I deserve that much needless to say.

DILLIGAF

I have been through so much that when I feel some bullshit creeping up on me I will know it. Here lately I felt some strange vibes from the law enforcement of all people. I wasn't sure what was going on. I wanted to state something about the Arkansas State Police. I have never had any kind of problems with them. That is the God’s honest truth. However I know how this county operates and I figure it’s a deeper matter in that configuration of corruption. I pay attention to my surroundings like a hawk in the sky that’s no lie.

The State Trooper, I hate when you see a cop and they act like they are going to pull over turn around and come after you. My rear-view mirror is my main BFF. This has happened several times but the last time I went off. I took it to my Twitter account. I love my account. That 140 character keeps me sane and not in jail. I sent off my tweets like it was nothing. I was thinking to myself, I have never had beef with them they actually have helped me out. I was getting more pissed off and I was like the State Police doesn't want to be in this remix because I am not bashful for throwing them in the fire-ring. IDGAF that is truth! I have been through so much shit.

Then I started to ponder my thoughts and go back in time to figure out when this had all started. I kept on pondering then I figure it out after my daughter’s graduation. I did have someone mention to me about it. However I have already figured it out. Man alive, I have left this person alone for a while now. I have kids and I have to be respectful and deliver obedience regardless of the situation in hand.  I am not stupid by any means! What I have done was get rid of the negative in my life and stayed with the positive aspects of life. I feel so much better by doing so and I feel I can live again. I can’t wait for my second book to get to the editor and get it published. I am not going to be the nice one at all about that book. Throwing the cops on me like a scare tactic is low as one goes. He is now on the level of my second ex-husband and my ex brother-in-law. They were good about doing that to me. Every dog has its day and I hope I live to see that domino effect. But once I took it on the net it stopped so quick it made my head spin a little. I know some that are high up in law enforcement. They do have my back that is a guarantee fact.

 For nearly 10 years I have been laying on the floor in a choke hold of slander, stalking and bullying. Then you add the scare tactics along the way because I did not play like they did. As I write these books I have  started to get up from that spot that I have been in for many years. I see everything on a different level. The chaos and the control are disappearing. I am smiling again and I am overcoming a lot of obstacles in life.  I am rising out of that spot it’s almost like the phoenix. Once I get these 4 books completed then I will no longer be lying in that spot of doom and darkness. In my 40’s I will be living again. It’s about damn time. From sixteen to twenty nine it was sex drugs and rock & roll. In my thirties I was isolated because I did not obey the system. In my forties I will be living and breathing like a normal person. People don’t take my intelligence seriously but that is okay. Like the phrase goes, “What goes around comes back around.” Boom!

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 

That is a (big) word to comprehend. However I understand it totally. I have done extensive research on the subject because I relate to it so much. I have not been the one to take meds. It takes an act of congress to take some Tylenol for a headache. Back in 2004 may be close to 2005 I took Zoloft and I hated it. If a bomb dropped in front of me. I would have thought it was a beautiful sight to see. I quit taking them; I have no plans of becoming a zombie any time soon. Those medications are for the fucking birds. I just dealt with my problems and how I survived that era in time is beyond me. I knew God was carrying me through this but I would not open my eyes to it pure honesty right there. The way I see it, God is good all day and every day. When he came to me and opened my eyes up about writing these books to heal me and help others out as well. I knew he loved me and I felt comfort for the first time in my life as I started to write these books. I am glad I did. I love him and he loves me nothing else matters. So that is that.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 

People that knew me and the ones I had problems with didn't know how close they come just to be a distant memory in their loved ones eyes. I was about to break. September 2010, I had enough, I was about to snap. I wanted to be left alone. I was tired of my 2^nd husband and his stupid ass brother sending people to my house or anywhere, inviting me to different functions. Like I would go I don't think so. Yep, 3 hots and a cot plus a dose of lethal injection were in my future. That’s real talk. They better be thanking their lucky stars that they are living today. So I thought I would do a testimonial on the internet and see where it would lead me. I am glad that I did. September of this year of 2013 will be 3 years. It will not be long I will have my 1^st book online and my 2^nd book to follow then the 3^rd. Writing has been a blessing to me. I have grown into such a better person and my chip on my shoulder is slowly going away. God is good, enough said.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 

It didn't affect me just the last 9 years of my life it has affected me my whole life. I just did not realize it until I sat down and started to write about it. I started to get everything off my chest and put everything in perspective to analyze what I have dealt with over the years. It is shear amazement how writing will open you up and make you see things on a different level. I hate Arkansas, ‘ignorance is bliss’ that is putting it mildly. My 2^nd book opened my eyes so much and I can’t wait to talk about it.

I have written people off in my life, they carry poison and make me miserable they can’t be around me. I tried to get help in Arkansas; I couldn't now the FBI is begging for people to step up. I have been dealing with dirty ass cops and informants since 2004, punk-ass bastards. I don’t feel sorry for what I have said on here either. I ain't sugar-coating shit, nobody got time for that. I am going to keep doing what I am doing and I will eventually have all 4 books online. Then I will start on my novellas, I will start with JB. Yeah, the one that got killed at the Supercenter parking lot, I refuse to hear the word, ‘horse playing’ hell to the NO! I done a blog on that as I recall! IDGAF about the money, the books that hold near and dear to my heart, the family will get 50% of what I make. I know I have done 4 blogs of the ones that stood out to me. There will be a list of names that I want for a charity type thing I will have to research it more to get what I need to make it happen. It will happen. I am for these families and I hope they see justice.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 

I have faced this a different way. No, I don’t drink like a fish. I might drink half a dozen times a year no more than 12 out of 365 days to be exact that’s a good number I am NOT a drunk. I like to cut up from time to time, hell, who don’t. I fucking can’t stand drugs except pot. I wish marijuana was legal. I could roll through these books like a boss smoking straight from a bong while I type. Maybe one day it will be legal in all 50 states, it’s getting there. My only problem is I just have zero tolerance to bullshit that’s all. I am not gonna put up with not a motherfucking thing. I don’t give a damn who you are, cops, informants my dad IDGAF. Man, alive I am so surprised that I haven’t snapped. It’s a blessing in disguise. It would have been a blood bath if I had. I believe that God knew I was at my breaking point; he came to my rescue with my books. I love him for that and I can’t wait to get published. I can become a published author however I can’t get my college degree. Like someone told me, I will be free and clear of debt and I will get my college degree once I get these books selling because God is that good and he will carry you through this storm and bring you into a better life. Tina, you got to have faith. I love my friend to death she rocks! I hope she is right, I need a motherfucking break, I really do. I am hoping for one.

Ode to the Question

I was asked this question twice needless to say; I avoided it the first time but the second time from another person. I ponder my thoughts and told him directly what I thought about that question. I was asked, ‘Are you afraid of someone coming in your house because it can be easily done, what if they messed with your laptop because I work a lot and I am gone sometimes?’ I was asked this before by woman now a man. This is how I responded to the question; I did not avoid it this time.

First and foremost, I have my laptop locked on my side of it I do. I looked at this person right into the eyes without hesitation. I told him, I know where you are going, it’s about my manuscript. I know there are nosy ass motherfuckers all away around me. Yeah, it’s been in the back of my mind. I went through all kinds emotions while I was writing my first book, I had to withdraw myself. I mean it tore me down to the ground and I had to build myself back up. If someone fucked with my manuscript caused me problems with my publishing’s, you really want to know what I would do. I got closer to his eyes and I could see he was getting scared. This is what I would do.

I looked out the window; I would get in my white car and drive to the Federal Bureau of Investigation the FBI building. That startle him, nope, I am not fucked up about it. I would walk up the steps and I would open that door like I owned that motherfucker. I could see it in his eyes then he knew I was serious. I would ask where I can make some statements. Where is a pen and paper, I will need a lot of paper, you know? Knowing if my manuscript being messed with, I would be pushed to my limit I would snap and I know I could put some motherfuckers under the jail. I have been in a choke hold for so long and if that was done to me so be it. The way I see it, the book is based on a fiction novel, names has been changed. Now when I go the FBI building the real names will come to life. IDGAF anymore! As I write these books I see things so clearly and can’t believe what I have been through and what I have put up with all my fucking life. As I recall, my face has been on the floor in a choke hold in a pile a shit for a looooooong time now. Push my buttons I will cause the domino effect! Then he left without a goodbye, WTF, really. Oh well!

I was watching the news the other day and the FBI of Arkansas wants people to step up and make a stance. I was looking at the news and they are begging for people to step up. It kind of mad me mad at first. I started my crusade September of 2010. I think that I need to get my 4 books published and let me get on Dr Phil and let it play out when it should play out. That would be the wisest choice to do. All of this bullshit that I have to deal with has made me a strong motherfucker.  I had no other choice. My father, well, he can kiss my ass! That’s real talk. I am a good person with a good heart and soul that right there would turn me into a bitch and there would be NO turning back for this OLE girl. I can’t wait to step in front of a camera because I am full and ready to talk about this. 

I LOVE Writing

I love writing, I swear I do. My daughter graduated from high-school. I was really amazed how good I was and how I acted because I am NOT on meds.  Meds are a cop-out there are ways that people can deal with life problems that’s real-talk. One doesn’t have to rely on drugs or alcohol in all due in respect your problems are going to still be there when you come off that stuff. I was nice to people that I had problems with at one point in time or another. I was even nice to my dad. I was told to be civil and I was. I know one day I will have to look at him in a coffin if he doesn’t get cremated. I totally understand that. At this point in my life, I am proud of myself. Man, I had so much hate in my heart. I know it had to be my writing for me to get over many situations I have. When I done my 1^st book, I wrote about it and I put it in a story form. I got over the hump that I needed to get over. I forgave but I will never forget. Since I am doing my 2^nd book, I am analyzing my situation with my dad and I am getting over that too. I think December of 2011, I snapped, I had enough of the mental abuse, I just walked away I couldn’t handle it anymore. He knew what he was doing and he doesn’t need to play dumb with me, I am so over that. I really don’t know if I will get emotional whenever he dies to be honest. I have so many mental scars over him and I have so mental scars from this county that I live in. They ran me into the ground full force. I think when I had my mental breakdown. I began to go into deep writing and released the demons that were bogging me down. My problems began like the matrix; I was putting the pieces together and understanding it all. I never thought that I could do this and I am simply proud of myself. I had a hard life, I don’t have the resources like normal people would and get a shrink. I had to be a shrink and teach myself. I was in a hole and I am still there but I am slowly come out of it. Most would have turned to drugs and alcohol. I chose to deal with it. I learned a lot about writing in 1993, when I had to sit through a few anger management classes that my uncle made me do. I told him 3 times that’s all and I wanted my name nowhere. Sometimes I think about that time and I should have gone through all the classes and had my name down. In 1993, I was a stupid little girl. I would recommend writing, I chose to publish mine other people don’t have too. Just writing things down, you get a better perspective in life and that is the God’s honest truth. I am glad that I am becoming a better person. I really am.

The TRUTH Hurts

The truth hurts sometimes. I think that's why I am so proud of myself about these books that I am doing. See I have been in a sewer all my life, I have been up to my neck in shit my whole life basically. I am seeing that while I write my 2^nd book. I am seeing things on a whole new level and I am amazed of what I am seeing on a logical perspective. Slowly but surely as I write the shit is rolling off. I am realizing a lot of stuff that I would not have recognize it if it was not for my writing. Writing opens your eyes to so many things. I am so glad that I did this and I really don’t care what these people think of me either. They can absolutely kiss my fucking ass at this point. It’s nice to have the shit roll off because I have started to live my life and I am 39, how sad and pathetic is that? It is what it is, living my life and telling it like it is. I would not have it any other way. Support or no support, fuck it, I will get through it. One way or another!

I have had my 1^st book done since February 21^st 2013. I was about to get burn with the 1^st publishing company. To be truthful, I don’t know what I am doing when it comes to publishing. I wrote a book that I thought I could never do in the first place. I just don’t need to get burned by money hungry motherfuckers. Then I had to research a new self-publishing company and I feel good about this one and I hope it works out. I am in the process right now of getting my book online it will take time. I have put this in God’s hands and he has placed me with them with hope and faith it will carry me through. I just don’t want to get burned this is a story about my life and it took courage to do and I done it. I am really proud of myself and I think that I done the ending great because this is an ongoing situation. I kept grounded on a fictional basis towards the end of the book. I have to remind myself of legal matters as well. I had several people to read it and they loved it and I should not have any problems selling it. Stalking, slandering and bullying are very much alive these days and this is a good time to launch a book about it. I did live through hell and I am getting through it as best as I can. They told me those particular subjects all over the news all the time. When you get on Dr Phil it will be on then. I have always had a good feeling about these books and I am not doing wrong by publishing them. If someone has a problem with them, they don’t want to hear the truth and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, just saying.

My 2^nd book I am proud of that one, I was told I have a best seller on my hands. I hope that dad reads it and understands. I don’t feel sorry for walking away from that situation either. I could stand in a circle and look around me and I have no regrets what-so-ever because my writing is building me into a better person not a bitter person. I had a chip on my shoulder all my life and its slowly coming off and it feels so good too. If I died, after all my books are published I would know one thing I will be in a better place and having God to have my back feels great.  That’s real talk.