Happy 18th Birthday to 'My Girl'

My daughter is 18 now, OMG~ where has the time gone? I want her to have so much more than what I had. She is so smart with her 4.0 and she got accepted into a great college. She will have most of her stuff paid for that is a good thing. Mama does not have that kind of money. I think the way she seen me struggle through-out the years to raise her and her brother she sees the difference. I tell her all the time; get that education then marriage and children if she wants that. I told her to stay clear of the young men at this time focus on that education most of all. They are nothing but trouble just another ‘notch’ in their belt. That is the truth. I told her not to have children at a young age. What it will get you, a baby daddy that will leave your ass after 2 or 3 kids. It will be over because you are too demanding or the kids are too much to deal with or just can’t get along. I also told her and it will be hard to find someone else with young kids at tow. They will use you as a booty call nothing more. Most will not put up with another man’s children anyways. You need to give that long deep thought girlfriend. There are men out there that will do that don't get me wrong, one in a million, slim to none. You gotta have some good luck to find a man like that. I told her you need a man with a brain, good education and good credit report. Man that will work and provide for you. I have always been the bread winner and she has seen that. I think she gets the picture. I told her women should not have kids until their 30’s that is the God’s honest truth. Live a little and then settle down. I am glad that she seen me struggle raising her and her brother. They have never had things handed to them. Hell, I was doing good to get what they needed in life. I have always done without, I am not complaining that is a mother’s job. I know she is very smart and I want her to play her cards right. She has told me that she does not what any children. I told her you will change your mind in the long run. I also told her to be honest having children in this monster of a world we live in now that would not be a bad idea not to have any. The world has gone to hell in a hand basket, why put a little one in such of a heartache kind of world I must say. But that is up to her. She has to make that decision, no one else. What she needs to do, get that college degree and live free spirited as long as she can. I love her so much and I know she will do well because she has her head on her shoulder. With the right guidance and support she will do just fine. I love my girl!

On the note, when it comes to having kids at a young age. You have massive bills and NO life until they are 18. If you don't have a college degree you are pretty much screwed and you are living on assistance as well. One thing about it, if you are going to college full time and working full time it's a total nightmare however if you are driven you can succeed and make your dreams come true. If you are lazy not driven your life will be complicated for a very long time. My advice, graduate from high school, then college, then children. Make your life simple NOT complicated. Live your life as long as you can then add the BIG responsibilities when you are stable and under control with life.   

2013

I hope that 2013 will be a blissful New Year for me and my kids plus my mom. We need it! I am super stoked about my upcoming novel. I worked hard on it and I am ready for that adventure to start. I have to keep my praying in high-gear, so everything will fall into place. So far it has worked out for me and I appreciate it.

I have been in a dark place for several years almost a decade to be honest. However I fought like no other and I stood my ground. I never did give in. I wasn’t about to let that happen. I guess like the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I am one strong woman now. I don’t hate these people like I used too. I thank them because they have given me chance to a write a series of books. I guess what I lost over the years and I lost a lot kid you not. I did not deserve that kind of treatment at all. Now, I can take care of some of my personal problems that I am having been having for years now. There are some things I can’t get back because that’s impossible but I will make the best of this situation that is for sure.

I can’t wait to actually say the name of this particular mountain. I am so stoked! It hasn’t got any attentions since the 60’s over a very popular song. Naming my series from this particular mountain moves me to no end. It has its own Wikipedia, maybe my books will be placed in it who knows, that would be wonderful. The power of prayer, works in so many ways. God is good all the time. He has been with me through this trial believe that. I needed him that is a promise without him I could have not done my writing. I will defiantly need him for my second book and my others as well.

I have written off people in my life. The first one was my second ex-husband back in 2004. You see where that has gotten me, blogging and my upcoming Novel needless to say. He made his bed, he will lay in it. Never again! Why should I stay around people that make me cry and belittle me? Life is too short to put up with that. No, I don’t feel sorry about it, it just gives me a chance to write books. Maybe my 40 years of hell is my calling in life, writing these books. I can’t get nowhere in life, that’s the Gods honest truth. I don’t sugar-coat anything; I tell it like it is. I hope for a wonderful 2013 because almost a decade of darkness sucks-ass, I need a little bit of sunshine in my life and good luck for once.

 

F**K YOU!

I just got sick of it! I started to blog about this situation September 17, 2010. It started on MySpace then went on to BlogSpot. I got tired of my second ex-husband sending people over, trying to get me to go out. So he could pop up and be around me. I don’t think so. He's been playing these games since 2004. His brother played a BIG part in it too.  He about drove me nuts. What he needs to do is lay low maybe just maybe he will go to jail. This time he will stay there for good. He can’t keep out of trouble that is an understatement. As for my second ex-husband, his wife knows all about his infidelities don’t let that fool ya! She has caught him and knows about the numbers, he is a whore, end of story. I am just telling the truth, I have been all along. It’s all in my blogs straight into the archive. I didn’t blog about these occurrences for my health. I blogged about these occurrences because I could not get NO damn help in Arkansas, some women want to put up with mental abuse and physical abuse. I have had my fair share of it. She might like it, not me, just saying. I will publish this book it’s all on a fictional level and most people don’t want to hear truth but I feel oh so better writing it and I can’t wait to start on my second book. That was will be a dandy because I will not be sugar coating my childhood hell to the no I will not.

I got to jot down what I have bought for my daughter since I am a bad mom and all.

1)    Homecoming 2010 (my daughter) dress, shoes, accessories, hair, nails and all that goes with it. $250.00 who paid for it? Me and my Mom

2)   Class Ring (My daughter) $510.00 who paid for it? Me

3)   Prom 2012 (my daughter) dress and shoes accessories $150.00. Who paid for it? Me Her dad hair and nails.

4)   Homecoming 2012 (My Son) $375.00. Who paid for it? Me and my Mom

5)   Senior Pictures (My Daughter) $200.00. Who paid for it me? Me

6)   Senior package (My daughter) $350.00. Who paid for that? My mom

7)   Senior annual announcement (my daughter) $175.00. Who paid for it? Me

Where was her dad in this part? Oh wait her hair and nails, my bad. Before someone says that I am a piece of shit mom better think about it. I can’t get ahead here. But I will go up and beyond to make sure my kids have what they need.

 My book will be a blessing to me and my 3 favorite people in this world; I am the disturbed one and the crazy one. I think I am doing just fine I must have to say. I just don’t let anyone walk all over me that’s all! Thank God for my Social sites over the years it sure has helped me out. This state plays a big part of “psychosis” all in your head bullshit. What a fucking joke. I know I have been beat to the ground, I can’t get ahead to save my life here. However I will make sure my kids have what they need. I bet your sweet ass on that. There is nothing wrong with me; I have zero tolerance to mental abuse and control. I stand my ground that makes me a crazy bitch so fucking be it. Majority of these motherfuckers can kiss my ass! I am stoked about my second book; I can’t wait to start on it. I am totally excited about it. My mom just gave me her car because mine was going to lay down and die on me at any given time. I can’t get a new car with what’s going on in my life at the moment. I live in the real world that is not possible. Yup, I can’t wait to launch my book and the others that fall behind it. I can’t get a degree but I am able to publish a book and become a published author. You gotta love Arkansas!!!

My BOOK!

My sweet sweet book! Either that book made me or it broke me. I think that I am stronger now that I have ever been in my life. Even though I had to put it in a fictional world needless to say for all kinds of numerous reasons, however I am proud of what I have written into form. I am glad that I am doing these books. If I got through the first one I will be able to get through the rest of them I am sure of that.

What I have been through I need some kind of break. I have been through fucking hell and I did not realize that until I went back in time and seen this at a different angle and it was shocking to me. I had to unlock doors that I had pad locks on and I did not have any intention of opening those doors again. I will admit it, I had a meltdown and it was a bad one. I had a headache for several days and I cried so much. I guess I need that kind of release. I cried more than I have in a long time. I just did not want anyone see that side of me. I went through a lot. I just can’t wait to publish this book but in the meantime I have heavy duty editing and get my ending right. I am a perfectionist you know how that goes. I had to go back into time but I made it through.

 I have the BEST editor in the world and she will guide me to where I need to go. She has been a rock through all of this and I will have an appreciation page just for her. I want other people to use her, her work is phenomenal, and I recommend her all the way. She rocks.

In January I will send off my manuscript and I will get this rolling. My praying has gone up and beyond the limits. God hasn’t got a problem with me doing this, I assure you that much. God is good, no need to say anymore because I know and he knows too.

I will get on the Dr Phil show NO ands ifs or buts about it. My first copy that I get will go directly to him. That is a promise I can keep. This book will help out my struggles as well as my family. I am keeping a positive note and no one can bring me down. I have been down way to long and this book has risen me up out of my slump. I needed that in worst kind of way. Writing is like soup to the soul.

I made a strong dedication to this; I shut my social life down. Only time I went out when I had the kids. Tina Time was out the door for the time being. I meant what I said. Strong pure dedication and I was told it would favor for me in the long run. Good things happen to good people when they work hard towards a goal. I have worked hard on this and the first time in my life I am pleased with myself, I hated myself for a long time now. Feeling like that means the world to me. My next book is playing in motion as well I can’t wait to start on that one. It will be a challenge however I am up for it just saying. Gotta love my twisted life.

Anger Issues

As I am writing this book, I am dealing with anger issues I mean on a serious level.  I just think back, why I did I have to go through that level of torment and disgust? I really don’t think I will get a straight answer not in this lifetime anyways. I am just so angered. I think I could drop kick some of these cops and informants in their fucking head. It is so sad that I feel this away but I do. I am pulling some really fucked up moments out that happened to me along this journey of hell. I am like really, did I really go through that? I have never in my life felt this kind of frustration like I do. I should have done this book in 2010. I am feeling better as I write this book though. This is one hell of a testimonial on a fictional level. It is what it is. I think if I make the Dr Phil my emotions are going to be off the charts. I am very angered about this situation. So many people that I know they want me on that show.

Yeah, my car is in the shop as I type this, my theory, my car has 173,000 miles it’s old and run down and things are going to happen. I got to keep my car as long as I can while I am doing these books. My friend’s theory, someone done something to it, I highly doubt it but if that was the case. Anything that goes on around me will eventually be brought to light. OK, I have a Blog out and me fighting for my rights to be left alone. Anything is possible. I am NOT going to worry about it. They can set it on fire. Whatever….. It will be brought to surface in the long run. I am NOT going to stop my book. These bastards have ruined my life and its payback time.

If I sell 10 million books that will be 10 million people all around the world that will know what I have been through. I am NOT worried about the money I am worried about Dr Phil, as I was told, your book is Dr Phil material with lots of psychological trauma to one person. I know what I have to do when I get towards the end of the book and that will be the hardest thing for me to do. I know I have to do it even if I don’t get a reason why this had to happen to me. Hey, least I have the balls to put this in a story form and get it out there one way or another. The second book will be another killer for me but I know I got to do it. I will start on that soon. I am going to need lots of strength to carry me through this period of time in my writing that is for sure.

 Yes, I will be in touch with a self-publisher. Yes, I will spend what I need to spend to get the book published. Yes, I will be getting a second job. No, IDGAF I am strong enough to do this and strong enough to get it done. In the end it will be worth it on a mental status that is. 

Let's Hope that my Third year of Blogging, is about Love & Sh*t, Fingers Crossed

I know I stated that I wouldn’t write another blog for a while. However I wanted to jot some stuff down since this is actually my 2 year anniversary date of blogging about my occurrences in this county. I remember every time I blogged how it was quite then all of a sudden all hell broke loose. I know the ones that I am having problems with are on my Twitter, BlogSpot, or Instagram even though I have my Instagram on private. I still have my little informants. But it’s all good. One thing about it, it is all quite now. I am so serious about this book and my other two books. I have never in my life felt such a sweet release of emotions of all kinds.

I have had my head crammed on the floor for many years. I had fight to free myself that is an understatement. As I write this first book, I remember how the cops and informants stalked me to no end. I remember that I was so scared and worn out that I eventually was run out of the county. Because I would NOT obey the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ I remember I had to sell all my stuff and relocate and lost some years because of these punk ass bastards. I remember once I was moved and I had to come back to visit. I remember these cops were on my trail hot and heavy as soon as I drove into the county. The informants were watching every move I made as well. I remember all the torture that I had to go through just to visit. I couldn't live in a place like that. 

 I have been through so much stuff people just don’t realize what it has done to me emotionally, physically and mentally. Then they all tried to make me out like I was the crazy one. Well, there will be a day that I will make the Dr Phil show; I bet your sweet ass on that. When I do talk about this on a national level all hell will break loose. As I type this down for my book my emotions are running wild because I am still hurting from what had happen to me. Can you imagine when I talk about it; my emotions are going to be out of this world. That is what I want; I want these assholes to hang their head down in shame for putting me through this for many many years. All because I did not want anything to do with my second ex-husband, how pathetic and ridiculous is that?

The one person that was suppose to protect me in life, I had to write him off as well because he had his hands dirty in this county and he could not even help me out either when I needed him the most. The nightmare I was living and he could not do anything about it how sad and pathetic is that? I had to move and lose stuff over and over again throughout the years. That’s ok; it’s going to bring my second book into motion. I am going to lay it all out there too. I am nearly 40 years old, 40 years of hell as I see it. I be damned if I will go through another 40 years of fucking hell because I did not play by the goddamn rules.

As I do this book it seems that this darkness that I live in is slowly turning into color. I am taking a beating with this book, however I am feeling better and stronger and I will knock every one of my books out the ball park. I was told by a lawyer if I play my cards right, my books could be, book to movie. There is potential there IF it is done right. I can believe that too!  I am all about Dr Phil, I want others on Dr Phil as well, and I want to see Victoria and Elane on the Dr Phil show. They lost their sons through the corruption in this county.  There are other people not just them. This is the (shhhhh) county, I am like hell to the No! Let’s talk about it.

As I type I get so upset at times, I am beside myself. There was no excuse for me to go through what I went through. None what-so-ever! However the pain that I have been dealing with is slowly but surely going away, I know the next 40 years of my life will not be like my last 40 years I promise you that much. I will take this pain and turn it into something beautiful and more promising than what these controlling bastards had for me. I will come out strong and hold my own. This county has a rude awakening. This is 2012 not the 1950’s people are a lot smarter and wiser needless to say. Like myself I took it to the internet. If I can’t get anything done here in Arkansas, I will get it done on the World Wide Web. Thank God for the World Wide Web. My Twitter is growing and it will continue to grow. By February or March when, when I launch my book, I will have great amount of people and most will help me spread the word and help me with my book that is for sure.

 I am on a mission and I will accomplish what I am aiming for. Some people you just don’t fuck with and I am one of them. I don’t do anything wrong. I stay off to myself. I rather have it that way. Plus my social life is on the hold because of these books. I thank God for sending me an editor that is a writer and she is a book seller too. I am going through her publishing company. I will reward her like no other; I admire her for helping me. I needed that back-bone of help. To be honest I don’t know how to write a book but she will be showing me the way to write. I know I will have a good 65,000 words and I love that so much. As I cleanse myself with writing and now they are hiding. However they can’t hide forever. As for me, the truth shall set me free. I have NO shame in my game.

I have lost from where I live to my education even my pay checks.That is OK though, I will get that back eventually. This time these sons of bitches will NOT take that away from me again. One thing I can say, I am a very grateful, thankful person and I appreciate everything that comes my way and I will never ever forget the ones that helped me along the way that is a promise I can make. I will pay them back. I love writing and these books are going to be such a blessing to me and my children.

This is my motto: Turn your wounds into wisdom & a great mess into greatness.

From MySpace to BlogSpot 9-17-10 to 9-17-12

In 16 days it will be 2 years that I have been blogging about my occurrences. Man, I wish I could have had BlogSpot the whole time, now that would be an interesting read right there for sure. However, I am grateful for what I have, I could have nothing. I had a person to ask me a question and I had my answer waiting for them. I am going to get straight to the point. Writing a book (all about money) money money money money. I am glad I was asked in person about this, all I could do was laugh. Ummmm, I was born poor so it looks like at my age I will die poor. To be honest, IDGAF about the money, I am all about Dr Phil, hell and high-water I will get there. Talking to a lawyer, I know what I can or can’t do. I know I could never ever get to use the REAL names however I love my fictitious names, just saying. I am proud that I am using some of the real places though. This mountain is going to come to life once again I bet your sweet ass on that.

Yes, I have shut my social life down totally at least for a few months. I am that dedicated to this project. My Tina weekend was last of June it will be November or December before I can have another one. I will need it by then I can promise you that much. I am taking my time with the book I need too. Half of it will be going to an editor in a few days. I am so excited about that! I wanted this book to be published in January but I know that will not happen. It will be either February or March. I don’t know for sure which one yet. My second book will be at the end of the year around October or November. I have an awesome editor she was like a godsend for real. It’s like the man up above sent her to me. I believe that whole-heartily.

I have started to pray again and I was really having a hard time with some things in life and writing this book. I felt like I was going to die at any minute. As I started to pray it seems like everything was getting lifted off my chest, like my burdens was not suffocating me that much anymore. I know now, I am supposed to do this book; it was brought to my attention very clearly. I have 3 of them to do and it will most likely be early part of 2014 to launch the last book. These books are a killer to write but it is making me into a better person; in the long-run my testimonial will help others as well. I just know it will. I hate that I had to put it in a fiction level but I don’t need law suits. But I am coming to terms with it. One thing that is certain now, I pray every chance I get and it feels so great having someone there for me. People just don’t realize how alone I felt over the years. This is a very hard thing to do, but I am healing in the process needless to say. Until next time, my next blog will be done right after I get my book finished. That blog will be the blog of all blogs! I promise.

Re-Defining TINA

Redefining Tina, since I have been working on my book for the last month or so, I have been soul searching and exploring new grounds within myself. This has been an awkward time for me since 2004 putting up with years of bullshit and the disregard of heartless bastards. However I pushed through the trying times of my life, I just thought that it would not end. Just like a forever endless nightmare no hope for Tina. Then here comes my blog to save my life. I love writing and letting my feelings flow throughout the World Wide Web, the internet is a blessing in disguise I do believe. Millions and millions of people have it and that leads into thousands of hits on my blog, I think it’s lovely and satisfying to the point it quenches my thirst.

They just thought they were fucking with a stupid woman that did not know her ass from a hole in a ground. I am a lot smarter and wiser than the fucktards in this county, I promise you that much. Nope I am not fucked-up at all saying it, it’s the truth. I guess ‘cutting of the trees’ done me in, them being on my property in April 2012. I thought to myself, if they got that bid in and came done the job. I guess I would have been on an episode of ‘Snapped’ 3 ‘hot’s’ and a ‘cot’ and ‘lethal injection’ would have been my future. I am glad that didn’t happen, to tell you the truth about it. Enough is enough and you are at your wits end, a person is capable of doing anything when they snap. They did not understand the phrase ‘leave me alone’ I fought hard and fought like a motherfucker over the years. Yes, it nearly killed me but I stood my ground and went on about my business.

My life is one fucked up disaster, I can’t wait to do an interview and actually talk about it. Some have told me in the past, if I ever get on the media circle like Dr Phil, this county is in for it. It would be like putting nails in the coffin. When you pave the way for other people to speak up, that’s all she wrote for this county. It’s a done deal. Most can’t wait, I told them, and I can’t wait for it either. However I am still intact, fierce and strong-willed. I also have my DILLIGAF face-on. All do in respect IDGAF. There are parts in my life that are pretty much shitty and there are parts in my life that I am so freakin’ grateful and thankful, I could go to a mountain top and yell to the top of my lungs, say how ‘thankful’ and ‘grateful’ that I am. Not many out there have that fall back support system. When my feet hit the floor I am giving thanks. There are parts of my life still crashing on my head, I get a migraine from it, but what can I do. I have to take it one day at a time.

I have written people out of my life and I have gain people in my life. I have fallen in love; however that is a stand-still situation. I have to redefine myself before I think about love. From 30 as of right now of the good ole age of 38, I have changed so much, my ‘All American Nightmare’ that I have endured for many many years. It has shaped me into one hell of a woman and I have high standards and ‘love’ well time will tell and I will NOT chase, it could be another ‘All American Nightmare’ hells bells I don’t need that.  I will slowly let that one land on my lap in time if it does. Coming out of a situation that I came out of you get sharp as a tact. I have zero tolerance. I will NOT put up with bullshit. Now-a-days I am a loner; I get out from time to time and have my Tina weekend, to release the stress. Just don’t play mind-games with me, I will eat you up and spit you out and not even blink an eye when I am doing it. I should have been a cop, I would have made a good one. I don’t like the Criminal Justice System nor the Medical Field. I enjoy writing. Not in a million years I would have thought this, but I am glad I am the way I am. I am a good person, I just don’t put up with no nonsense, that’s all. I have two teen-age kids that I am trying to raise and make sure they don’t turn into their parents. These are good kids; they just need the right direction and motivations to get the hell up out of the Ass End of the World, Arkansas make something of themselves.

I will be taking a break from blogging, I have to get my book to the editor soon and I have to two companies that I have to decide on for my self-publishing adventure. I am so proud of myself doing this and having the balls to put it in a fiction book since I can't put the real names out there. Oh well, at least this will be great therapy and I am starting to feel better with my life. Years of hell can really warp your mind. I have to stand tall and stand strong, push my way through it. Get tough or die, brutal honesty right there.

One the note, I do NOT have any problems what so ever anymore. The cops don't stay across the road if I see any they stay away from me. I don't break the law so therefore they need to stay the hell back. The informants get the hell out of dodge when they see me. I don't have time for their bullshit either. When I say leave me the hell alone, leave me the hell alone. I will blog about it and not have one regret doing so. So that is that.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade =)

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I love that quote, because it relates to my life so much. I have had more than 20 years of lemons. One mistake after another right along with controlling issues in my life, I guess I was the one of the fortune ones (insert sarcasm). However through my life path that my cards have choosen for me, I have learned so many things and most were WTF moments to be exact. I learned NOT to do it again. So I thought that I would do a series of books. My plans are 3 but who knows, I love writing and letting my feelings flow. I was talking to my editor. She brought something to my attention, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” my lemonade would be my books. When she told me that, I started to cry and looked at her with astonishment. She nailed that one plus I never thought of it that way. I have a unique tale (very harsh) with the reality of corruption in a small town but I will be brutally honest throughout my writing in my books.

 I had a chance to talk to a lawyer a friend of a friend situation. My friend, she was so intrigue with my blogs. She knew I could not use real names so therefore she wanted to know about my hometown name. I told her where it took place and she looked it up on Google. She was surprised and speechless needless to say. So, she done some digging and what she found out was quite interesting. Her lawyer friend told me what to do and he did not charge me either lol I have pretty much scraped my first notes of my book. I am going about this a different direction and I am going to bring this famous mountain at one time through a song back on the map. I will be bringing it through a book instead of music. Then I talked to my editor and she done a similar book and use the same real places but changed the names. Real names will get you in trouble but I want to draw my readers in by placing actual places where it can be researched and understood by different people around the world. I have a dead-line but I know I will make it. Now I feel somewhat complete and I can shake this book like no other. There has been another book done in this county though. That was back in the day.

 This mountain has history and tons of it and it’s not good for the most part but the other I could say maybe because of this one loving man that I got the chance to know. May he RIP because he lived many, many years and told many, many tales throughout his stay on that mountain. I am going to enjoy this and I can’t wait to get it done. Let the good-times roll in the near future. The truth shall set me free!

Dear Baby Daddy

Our children are almost grown hopefully they will be on their own someday, fingers and toes crossed. I thought I would do this particular blog for a particular reason I must have to say. Now do you really, truly, positively want our children to grow up like us? Hmmmm, hell to the NO not on my part! I think looking back over the years, what the f**K was I thinking when I got hooked up with you? But, I have to thank you for giving me the two most precious people in this world though. Our daughter and our son are the most well behaved kids and thoughtful, I can’t forget courteous. I think how in the hell did these kids come out the way they came out with the life they have had to live. It is shear amazement; I tilt, shake, and scratch my head on a daily basis because these kids ROCK! Now why would you want to control them and keep them from doing what they need to do in this world to survive? How about helping them spread their wings and fly for a better way of living in this world. I was controlled for most of my life damn near all of it. I got rid of that problem last year and I don’t regret it one bit. My life is getting better imagine that. Now keeping the kids from experiencing things is totally wrong on your part. I give my kids freedom when they are with me. I just tell them DO NOT become like me or your dad you guys will do fine. I want them to do so much better than us. I get excited of the thought they would achieve high greatness of the situation that they are coming out of, these kids are grown and not babies anymore. What I think you should do (baby daddy) you need to pull your head out your ass and make sure these kids get a college degree and make something of themselves and NOT be like us. I am getting out of this bullshit abyss that I am in, since 1990, well really 1988 to be exact. I know where you will be at. When your parents die off, you will be set for life. I guess waiting until death is your thing but for me I am off and running after our son graduates. It’s NEVER too late to achieve high greatness that is what I will do. You need to give this a thought and quit over controlling these kids like you do. Freedom is the key word for the adult children that we have and they will be grown soon. Time does NOT stand still. Living in the South has nearly driven me nuts, but the East Coast is around the corner for me, thank goodness!