The Island =)

To me I think the Criminal Justice System is for the criminals and that is the God honest truth. Some of my friends and I were talking here while back. It was brought to my attention and some of them had pretty good ideas. All these islands that are empty and they are just there, we should put them in good use. The CJS should step in and buy these islands and put criminals there. The technology is off the charts shear amazement to be honest. The working citizens that pay (taxes) make sure the criminals are taken care of is a bunch of bullshit! Buy these islands and set it up with GPS, the technology is out there and the CJS should use it. So many yards from the water fence it off and put sharks in there, killer sharks to be exact. Big Brother (the eye in the sky) put devices on the criminals like ankle bracelets or insert a tracker on their body somewhere. CJS should use the Charles Darwin theory, “Survival of the fittest” in my terms ‘get tough or die’ we baby these people and that is so wrong. Put them on an island, let them build their own place to live and let them survive the old fashion way. Live off the land! Once a week fly planes over and drop food for them and make them fix their own damn meals. This goes from the killers to the dope cooks to the crooked cops. They did not have any problems fkken up other people lives and destroying it. Why should we baby people that break the rules? No wonder they want to stay in jail, hell they have it made in there. That’s some straight up bullshit right there. They need to make it hard on them than being easy. It’s a damn shame that the justice system is the way it is. The Criminal Justice System is ass-backwards and that is a damn shame, got to love living in the United States of America. I know a few in this county stays just a short-time in jail, then they are out and destroying lives again. They should really stay in there for 20 years to life, if you ask me. It is what it is in the United States. I know back in the day, I was a bad-girl and lived on the wrong-side of the tracks. I should have had my ass dropped on an island all by myself for about 3 years with NO planes to fly over with food, just saying.That would have done me justice in a serious way.

One word (lynching) End of Story!

Can you imagine you are in jail and you are an African-American male, you live in a county full of racism and malice? That kind of behavior has a full life in this county needless to say. What I am getting at, you are laying in your cell-on your bed, minding your own business. Then here comes 2 cops and they yank you up out of the cell and give you a serious ass-whopping. Now does that sound suspicious or what? I know these cops and they do have a serious attitude problem, BTW. I guess it was a day to whoop-ass and let’s get the black guy. That’s how I see it and that is how I am calling it. I think they just had plans to beat him and put him back in the cell. There are ways you can beat someone not leave bruises, that’s kinda scary to think about it. The way it turned out was fatal and the cops needed an alibi and they hung him in the cell. When you see a hanging especially in a police facility in all do in respect, it’s a ‘suicide’ now that kind of behavior runs wild in this county, when all else fails just call it a suicide, SMH. Well its truth. The sheriff will write it off as ‘suicide’ how sad and pathetic is that? Can you imagine the fear in the African-American male eyes when they were approaching him? No wonder they are so hostile in this county. I would be adverse too. I am kinda like that now, to tell you the truth about it. I did not know this man personally however I knew one of his cousins. That is beside the point. This is call police brutality and I don’t like it. These cops will do you in if you let them. I know some don’t like my blog, fk’em that is how I am going to roll with that one. I will not sugarcoat at all that is so NOT me, like I have stated before, “there are only 20% that are good cops, 80% that are pathetic” just stating the obvious. This county really needs a make-over and I have no problems pointing it out. The stuff that goes on is so inhumane and it just makes me sick at my stomach. No wonder ‘Big Brother’ is on the move. They need to get control of that kind of tomfoolery and insanity, damn it man. When I heard this, I was skeptical about it then I did my research, the truth is known if you search it. Come on ‘Big Brother’ and do your thing, this kind of behavior needs to end. I hate racism, I swear I do!

A BOOK, I think so, it's TIME!

When I done my, “Depression TimeLine” I spoke up too soon. I will be blogging about this occurrence I betcha! See I live in tornado alley. We had 2 trees to be cut down before they landed on top of the house. However that is beside the point. We were looking for someone to cut the trees, low and behold my ex-father in-law and my ex-husband from my last marriage came to my house, ummmm I have been doing these blogs for quite some time now. They actually came to our house to place a bid to cut them down. I mean, seriously? Really? My jaw about hit the floor, we had numerous people to place a bid to cut the trees down. Luckily someone else done it and it was at a reasonable price and they had the job done in two hours tops. Let’s get back to the ex- and the ex- in law; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. If I was them, this is what I would have done, I would have said, “Hell no, I will not cut those trees, but I will recommend someone though.” It’s all about common sense and logic and that doesn’t exist around here. That just blew me away. However it was not long I was on Twitter and (tweeting) my thoughts about it. I am not bashful, not one bit. Then they turned around and told us, “Now if this is going to cause problems with Tina, we will not do it.”HELLO I don’t want my 2^nd ex-husband on my property around me or my family. I found this quite disturbing since I have been blogging about my troubles for quite some time now. I got sick at my stomach and cried I will not lie about it. Then I asked a few people what they thought about it. All the same answers, my ex, he just wanted to be near me and his wife knows it too. It’s no secret. It’s some sick shit and I need to always keep myself protected and guarded at all times. I just shook my head and try to find the perspective within this nightmare and I have not quite figured it out yet.

So I will be doing my own book in my own words. Well, at first I wanted someone else to do it and I would do like an interview talk about it. What I am saying talk to someone and they can worry about the wording and the sentences. Blogging and writing a book are totally different. Now I want to do it and because it will be therapy and it will help me in the long-run. I have some really good friends and they want me to do it too. Several keep up with my blogs. One of them is an editor and she wants me to type it and she will structure it, the way it should be. She has no doubt in her mind that the book will be a success but I need to be the one to draw in the audience. She told me I could do it. The only reason I was iffy about it. I have doors that are closed with pad locks on them, now I have to unlock and open the doors. She told me, I will feel oh so much better and I can heal and move on. She is the one that is pushing me. I am over me being scared; I am ready to do this. I know in my heart it will help me most likely piss people off. I am to the point I don’t give a shit. You know, it will be 2 years this year 9-17-12 of me blogging and they pull that shit, yes; I am so ready to do this book! I think so!

On the note. all that I have lost, the time that I can't get back. The mental abuse that I have endure over many, many years. I am one pissed off woman. I am thankful for what I have at this present time.I am 38 years old. I should NOT be in the situation I am in, I have lost a lot and I am drowning still. I can't win for losing because of these sick and twisted bastards. It's time for me to blow this shit out of the water. I will come out on top, just watch me. I got this, hands down! Eight years worth, 2004-2012, yup, I have a lot to discuss I do believe.

The Killing Kind

I will prolly get in trouble talking about this man, however I am not putting names out there and places I should be alright. He died not that long ago, however he made a statement in this county. Have you ever heard of a big-time drug-lord? The kind of person that has the money and power to make things happen and make people disappear without a trace he was just that kind of man. The last name alone made some shiver down their spines. As I was growing up I heard all kinds of tales about him. Most were scared of his presence, because he got away with a lot. I never cared for him to be honest about it. He owned a liquor store, back in the day you could actually buy marijuana, kilos of cocaine any kind of drug just pull up to the window. No shit, I know for a fact that went on. Now that is running the game. What stood out was this so-called well. The ‘well’ of doom and catastrophe that is fact to be known in this county, if you want someone dead and get away with it bring them here. I absolutely loathe this county. Hell, supposedly I was to be dropped in the ‘well’ if that was the case; I took care of the situation real quickly. There are some that weren’t scare of him. Like one stated to me, “he might be in his own well of doom” I found humor in that, seriously. Someone that is deviant and out-spoken (like me) gets put in their place and this man was hired to the job. If you didn’t have the money, you would have to sell your soul. When he comes, calling for you to do something, that person had to do it or suffer the consequence. Most likely it would be ‘death’ that’s how he rolled around here. I always consider him as the ‘devil’ and when I was told that he died, this is what I said, and “may he rot in hell.” I am not f’kd up about it. The FEDS wanted that man, however I told one of them, he will be dead soon with cancer and you will not have to worry about him anymore. The look that I got was priceless, then he said, “He was too mean to die” and then I said, “Karma is a bitch” I know what I am talking about. I know a lot of bad very bad people that has died in this county the last few years. Like the story goes, “When you dance you have to pay the fiddler” this county is filthy and malodorous. I just got tired of the stalking, slander and bullying and here I come with my blog and I have no regrets at all. This man here was a POS and there aren’t many that will have the balls to say that. No love lost here. This county has made the ID Channel twice to my knowledge; I know the one about a particular mountain. I would NOT doubt that man had something to do with it; I would not put it past him. This county dwells on evilness and I think it would not be a bad idea, to fly airplanes and drop blessed holy water all over this place. It is totally rank-smelling up this bitch. I am going to keep it 100, some that read my blogs around here they are like, hell yeah Tina. Some just can’t stand me. If it wasn’t so nasty and malice I would not be blogging, just saying. I don’t dig corruption!

The East Coast

The East Coast that’s where I want to live, when I get my children raised, I want to get the hell up out of here. The Ass End of the World, Arkansas it’s no joke. I absolutely hate it here. I was born and raised in Arkansas all my life. So many has stated, why the East Coast? I don’t like the West Coast; I hate California as much as I hate Arkansas. Don’t get me wrong, the west is very beautiful, breath-taking scenery. I just don’t like it out there. I don’t like the North, Chicago is too damn windy. Maybe it was just a windy day, however it has stuck with me ever since. That’s what I remember. The South, let’s NOT go there. New Orleans one of my favorite places, I would not live there though. Florida is another fascinating place, still the South. The East Coast moved me for some reason. If I had the money and a 6 digit income, I would live in New York City in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. I was there just 2 and half days. That’s all it took for a young girl at that time and New York, imprinted my mind like no other, it has stuck with me for 20 years now. It has been that long since I been to the East Coast. I wanted to go this year and take my kids on an East Coast tour, but that has gone right out the window. I want them to see the East Coast and see how beautiful it is. What a damn shame. Well, at first I wanted to move to New Hampshire. However I have been doing my research on Maine. I am pulling towards that direction now. I want to be on the coastlines, where I can go to the pier when I get ready for some relaxation and some me time. No, I am NOT running away from Arkansas, I want to make that clear. I want to breathe again. I am mentally and emotionally scarred from the damages that I have had to endure living in Arkansas. I want to be able to learn to live again and breathe again and trust again. This part of Arkansas has taken a lot away from me. As long as I live here, I will not be able to forgive. I know I will never forget however there is a hump I need to cross over and I want to make a life out on the East Coast. Here in Arkansas, I still deal with chaos I don’t know what is going to happen to me from one day to the next. I hate Arkansas so much it’s kinda scary to be honest about it. I can’t get past things here and I will NEVER get past them as long as I live here. It’s going to take me to move far, far away from here to gain control of what I have lost. I know once I get to the East Coast, it will be so emotional for me because I actually got out of a hell hole, and not be stuck there the rest of my life. I will most likely be crying for a week when I get out there. I know I will NOT live long living in Arkansas. I live with too much stress. Going to the East Coast, I will have a chance to live. Here at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas. I am dying let’s be truthful about it. I am miserable and very depressed here because I feel trapped and I can’t escape. I am down in a hole with no control. Depression hurts so does, stalking, bullying and slandering. I am too scarred up. I hate life. I should not have to feel like that. I know that life is beautiful and I want to go where I can breathe and make a new life again. I just want to live the way I want too for once. That is not much to ask for needless to say. This has been going on for too long and I need a break of some sort. A person can put up with so much. This is not a win-win situation. I have put up with all can; by God I will find some kind of peace and tranquility out there. Enough is enough and I need a new direction. My life is really f**ked up at the moment, that is a damn shame too. It’s up to me to make a change and I am going to change this, seriously. Changes are coming, I am a very driven person and I will break through this, I promise that much.

My Depression TimeLine

I thought that I would talk about my depression and I have never been bashful discussing my feelings and emotions about my life. This is how I feel and this is a place to let it all out. My corner of the world on the internet, so therefore I thought I would do it in a timeline format. I will need this for my book anyways. However I am going to be short and simple and straight to the point. I will be the only one that truly understands this situation but in the future it will be more clearly to understand if you follow my blogs.

January- 2004-2005- was the hardest for me, I suppose. My X-husband left me, 1-21-04, on my birthday however it was the best birthday present needless to say. He played hell trying to set me up, with the help of the ‘Good Ole Boy System’ I had 2 nervous break downs in that time period. I had some horrific experiences that shattered my mind and soul. It was a very scary time for me because I would not take him back. When I am done I am done, end of story. Next, move on.

November- 2005-2010- by November of 05 I moved to Little Rock, I more-less got ran of the county. I just could not take it anymore. My anxiety was high; I was stressed out to the max. I was gaining weight and my hair was falling out. I did not have any help in this county these people were killing me. But I remember something quite distinctive, when I was moving from my place that I had to sell to my moms and then from my mom’s to  Little Rock, my ex-husband was watching as he and his brother was parked in front of my mom’s house. Til this day, it makes me sick to my stomach. Why that still lingers is beyond me, I still get a sickness feeling though it’s horrible. From this time period, in the five years I was away. The cops done their-damnest to watch every move I made in this county as I came to visit. I believe the stalking and the slander was the highest in that timeline but it got worse. I had a hard-time living in Little Rock, I went back to college. I was living from my work check and my student loans and my income-tax check. I was making it barely. But I was making it to the best of my ability. I still had a good GPA, for what I was dealing with, it could have been better if I was not under all that stress. The cost of living was outrageous, however I was trying to complete some form of education. It did not quite happen as I planned. I look back and I don’t know how I done it or best yet, how I am still living to be honest. By 2010, my life went to hell in a hand-basket. All I have done to try to stay out of this county; I was brought back to it. That hurt me tremendously.

May -2010-2012 well, I had to move back to this county for numerous reasons. However I got stuck here. Just for a time being though, until I get my kids through High School. When I moved back in May 2010, I had a hard time. I mean the slandering was at its finest during that time. I guess May to September 2010, were extremely hard months. If it wasn’t for one thing going on it was another my stress levels were high I mean deathly high. It mainly came from cops and informants; my ex-brother-in-law from my last marriage is an informant. He was causing me 9 kinds of hell. So therefore, September of 2010 I had enough, I started my testimony on MySpace at first. I had a friend in college to tell me about BlogSpot in October of 2010, I started to blog. She told me to blog about everything that was going on she told me it was like a diary. If something came up that I did not like post it. I look back on it; from May-September 2010 I was on a verge of another nervous break-down. I am glad that I started this blog; it really has helped me out. I thank my friend all the time for telling me about BlogSpot. She was worried about me and she was afraid that something bad was going to happen.

After all this is said and done. I have had my weak points in my life I sure have, sometimes I just wanted to die. Lay down and die and give up. I just wanted peace and tranquility that’s all. This blog now at this present time, April 2012, I don’t have any problems. The problems I had I was going to blog about it. Now I am going to blog about different occurrences that has happen in this county. I have had people to tell me stuff and they want me to blog about it. Like I told them, no names no places, I can tell it in a story like way even-though it had happen. When I start on my book, I have to change names and places. I am pretty sure the word permission is out of the question. Maybe one day in the future when the sh*t hits the fan, I can actually put links on here and maybe I can use some of the names and places, who knows.

This has made me into a strong person, I don’t put up with no sh*t what-so-ever I have zero tolerance all away around and I can smell bullsh*t a mile away. I do have to thank them for that. I will forgive them when they get in trouble with the higher law. That will be the only time I will do it. I have lost so much through this and I am so scarred up mentally. I have stayed in poseur through this and how I just don’t know. I am strong-minded and strong-willed and also free-spirited.  I have been through hell, but I am going through it like champ. I can say this much, I am not an alcoholic nor a dope-head neither a pill popper. (I'm better than that, I know better) I did not get weak-minded through this; I stood my ground and done the best that I could even if I was drugged through the gates of hell. I am still going through hell, however I think a break is on the way for me and that makes me into a very happy person. I hope one day these sons of bitches get what is coming to them. That will be the day, I will LMFAO, seriously. Karma is a BITCH, what goes around always comes back around! I can feel her presence coming and I can also see that I will be smiling from ear to ear.

The Medical Field

The medical field, man (that) is an understatement that can go into so many directions; however I have had enough of that field too. I like the medical field about as much as I like Arkansas. I am just stating the truth straight from the bottom of my heart. I have been in the medical field since 1992, I am a medical assistant, I can do just about everything a nurse can do except push meds. Yea, I wanted to get my RN license that lasted like a ‘fart’ in the wind after a few years at a hospital. I can do it, but my heart isn’t into it. I have worked in all kinds of areas in the medical field to be honest about it. I will be broken down in a few years; I want to leave this profession ASAP. I am hoping this year. I am tired of the understaffing, I am tired of the mistreatment and having to do a floor by yourself, and slim to none help from the co-workers. Just isn’t cutting it anymore. I have went home several times, 35 patients by yourself and be drug around like a rag-doll by the ones that you are working with, trust me most treat you like sh*t. I know this too well, I will take my ass to the house, I am NOT f**ked up about it either. I have to put up with major sh*t in my own life and then I have to put up with it at work too. Most of this is uncalled for; the hospital can staff the floors however it defeats the purpose when it affects the administration bank accounts and the particular cars they want, the pencil pushers, those are the ones that actually need to get off their ass and do some physical work and see what it is to work understaff and beat your body down to the ground. I have seen nurses collapse in the middle of the floor and I have also seen them got to the ICU and get blood transfusions because their body just worn down. I refuse to go and get a degree and (I hate the job too), no matter what the pay is. I am 38 I have to take care of myself; I just have one body and one life. It’s not worth it! In the medical field you’re just a warm body, if something happens to you, oh well, there is always the next person in line. I have been beat down in a 12 hour shift, barely got off the couch the next day, Icy Hot is my friend now. That is bullsh*t. I refuse to do it. I am very strong-minded and I will NOT let anyone run over me. I stand my ground at work. I bet some dread seeing me come to the floor because I will not put up with their sh*t! It’s a dog eat dog world in the medical field. I know I had my fair share of the chaos, I want a new direction, and I will find that direction I promise that much. The medical field is just not what it’s supposed to be and I have had enough of it to be exact. Time for a new direction in life, I am tired and burnt out 20 yrs. is too long to be honest. I want to do something else for the next 20 yrs.  something that I love doing that sounds so good. Maybe too good to be true, huh?

I Really do Believe that Jesus Drives a Harley

I really do believe that Jesus drives a Harley. What I am stating that he is just a regular person, like you and I. One thing about him he does NOT judge anyone or anything. I wish the rest of the world would see that on an eye to eye level.  However that is not the case. I am going to explain a few things since I live in the South and all, dysfunction at its finest. Shallow minds that sugar-coat and wrap it around religion.

I am sure that Jesus is not a racist. I had to put up with that all my life. My mom says we all bleed red and we are the same no matter what color we are. My dad says that we should stay in the same race and never mix. More-less, we are going to hell if we get out of our circle. As for me, I want to date outside my race, I will do so. I have always stated that ‘bi-racial’ children are the prettiest humans on earth needless to say. If my daughter or son wants to date outside the race, they will have me to back them up if I am still living. If not, I will still be backing them up spiritually if that is the case. Most racist people in the South are the most religious matter of fact. I don’t see how the ‘House of the Holy’ hasn’t fell on their heads as soon as they walk in the doors. Just stating the obvious to be exact, lol!

I am a supporter of gay and lesbian rights that goes for transgendered and bi-sexual as well. The list goes on...We all have some kind of rights and I think that we should live our life the way we want too. Not have religion slammed on our heads because it is immoral, that is bullshit!  I have a lot of best friends that are gay. I love them dearly. When I think my life is shitty, here comes one with open-arms and make me see some kind of light in my darkness. I would date a woman; if it so happen she is an African-American I would still date her too. IDGAF what people in the South thought about it either? I do what I want. Gays and lesbians need more rights I do believe and I know for a fact that Jesus loves them too! That’s how I will roll with that one =)

After all this is said and done, I do believe that Jesus drives a Harley. The maker knows my pain and my struggles here in the South. I can place a bet that I will be riding on the back of that Harley going through those pearly gates. I am NOT afraid of dying and my stress levels right now are so high, I would NOT doubt I will be dead in the next 6 months. However it turns out, I have done my best even-though my head was pinned on the ground for the most part of my life, because I could not breathe like I wanted too and live the way I wanted too. I live in hell and I don’t sugar-coat a damn thing. Maybe I can over-come this maybe I won’t however it lands who-knows, I am pretty sure I will be riding on the back of that Harley one-day, that is promise I can keep and he will be smiling down on me. Death is not a threat, death is a reward. Peace and tranquility at its finest =)riding on the back of a Harley will be a major plus.

Religion is "Big Business" seriously!

Religion is ‘Big Business” especially in the South. Whenever you walk into a Church, you see an immaculate setting. The technology has hit the highest I do believe. I remember when the churches were just simple and innocent. Now you see, big screens and elaborate pieces, what I mean, very materialistic gadgets. In some places it’s mind-blowing. Do you really need that stuff, to get the word out? I mean seriously do you? It has to cost out the ass, there would be no way around it. No wonder tithing is a major priority. I wonder if the ones that take up the tithing, think about the ones that are with little money or no money at all. They are giving their money up so they can get a reward after it’s all said and done. They don’t know if it’s coming to them or not. While the preachers and their family and don’t forget the ones that are on staff. Live in a big nice house and have top of the line products. Oh, don’t forget the cars and if their kids are in the picture and they drive, the cars they have too. I wonder every time they eat that big steak in a big fancy restaurant while the ones that give and they don’t have that much to give eats ramen noodles or they go without. I wonder if they think about the high tech stuff like computers and sound systems. The ones that give might get their lights shut off. No matter what anyone says, religion is ‘Big Business’ that is one way to make money and live high on the hog. I know a preacher that makes $1000.00+ a week and he is one sinning motherfkker. However he knows how to speak to the people and get inside their heads. People will give even if they don’t have any money to give. How sad and pathetic is that? It makes me so mad, however when people are brain washed, and the sheep will follow. That is why I have religion in my heart. I am a broke ass bitch and the maker knows that. I do my best throughout the day and am thankful that I am living and breathing. Tomorrow might not come for me but I know that I done my best when I have to go to the other side. I don’t think the maker told them to get the top of the line computers, phones or whatever. This is another part of corruption at its finest. If you can’t preach, preach simple and have simple ways of stating things.Don't preach! This high-tech sh*t is so over rated and I am so done with it, believe me. I don’t have a pot to piss in and window to throw it out of, but one thing about me I do have a heart. I think we are living in end of the times. I am thankful that I look at it on different angle and have realistic knowledge about it.

The 'Bible-Belt' AKA The South

The “Bible Belt” that about sums it up right there.  Talking about the ‘Sister Bertha’s’ for the ones that don’t grasp the concept behind it. I am talking about the ones that gossip and slander everyone around. The ones that can’t do any wrong, I see humor in these kinds of people. It just shows you how fake they are. I think if you walk into the doors of the holy, someone should hold you up into the light and see if they are real or fake. Just like they do money, which is my opinion though. Church is just not the same as it was years ago. It just grew into filth just like everything else in this world nasty as they come. I am not dissing the churches. I am just stating the ‘truth’ it is not a place to slander and degrade people. Because what they are wearing, what is going on in their lives or how they handle themselves?  This should be a time for stress relief and try to focus on the good in the world. There should be a place just like a ‘safe haven’ even if it’s just for a few hours. However that is hard to justify that meaning with all the meanness going on in this world. I don’t go to church; I have some kind of religion factors in my heart though. That is where I learn, I learn from the hardships of life and I learn a lot every day as I get up, every day lessons baby. I don’t have daily routines; I live in the real world. It’s either heaven or hell when I start my day. I love it when I have a heaven kind of day. I know someone is watching out for me, seriously. The hell kind of days makes my stress tumble down my spine and I know someone is teaching me a lesson that day. It’s schooling at its finest. The hard knock life do I need to say anymore? Religion can be your friend or it can be your foe. It’s all up to you. I don’t go to church because I can feel the nastiness of some people. I do feel the good of some however the bad outweighs the good. I am being straight up honest. All of it will come to an end one day, no more air in your lungs and your heart stops beating. Judgment Day, the day that someone can stand and say I done my best or IDGAF what I did in my lifetime, it’s all up to that individual I do believe. How you live is your life is your heaven or hell. For my part it’s both, never know from one day to the next. That could be a good thing. There is one thing I give it my best and go on with it.  However the cards fall that’s how it falls. Do your best and piss on the rest.