Happy Birthday to MY Daughter

My daughter turning 17 today has me wondering-where did the time go? I mean seriously, it seems like yesterday I was taking my bundle of joy home. However she has turned out to be a beautiful, intelligent and well-behaved young lady. Her life hasn’t been peaches and crème. She had to do deal with the pain that I have had to go through as well. I wonder if anybody has ever thought about that. But, that is beside the point she had turned out to be loving and sincere, I had to throw that in too. She has the world in her hands right now. I do not want her to go down the path that I have gone through, hell to the no. I got sucked in and I don’t want that for her, I will make sure that she will spread her wings and fly. My daughter will not be controlled by any means it will NOT happen; I am the type that will cause hell and havoc that is a promise I can keep. She has nearly a 4.0 GPA. I do not want her to be drowned by having children at a young age. I had her at a young age; I was 21, that was still too young needless to say. Most young adults especially the poverty level kind, birthing children is a must. I know why, they want someone to love and have the love returned; children or babies will fill that need. What they don't get at home, some sort of lonliness. That’s why kids have babies at a young age; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. If I have a baby, I will be loved. If I have a baby I can keep my boyfriend. As far as the guy goes, nope, most likely he will be gone too, sooner or later. The intellect is very low in the South; poverty-living is a hard road to hold. I know all about that and it does suck ass and it’s not fun at all. When you have right people in your life they can guide you and push you in the right direction that you need to go. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t tell my children that I don’t love them. I love my children. I might be stuck at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas for the time being not for long, I am working on breaking away from here as well. My daughter will have a chance to free herself and run with it. She can do anything I am not worried about it. It’s a cold-world out there, but she can be anything she wants to be and be satisfied with the outcome. She has the strength and the well-being to knock it out the ball park. I will make sure she will do it and she will thank me in the long run. Being barefoot and pregnant and living in poverty, that’s no life that is pure hell. I love my baby-girl with all my heart and soul. A little guidance will take her a long ways, hopefully away from here the Ass End of the World, Arkansas.

The Raw TRUTH

The Raw Truth is such a touchy subject I do have to say. However I am going to jot down my thoughts on how I feel about some stuff that is going on in my life. This is about Uncle Sam; I hope my tax situation is better this year. I have a feeling that it is but I want to throw some stuff out there though. Since the meth heads stay on my sites and all. They will get a good dose of the Raw Truth with this blog I do believe. You know as a single mother with two kids is tough and when my kids approached High School it’s been costing out the ass. On the other hand, when you pay for a $500 Class Ring my daughter’s to be exact, $300 on a homecoming dress all the accessories for my daughter in 2010 and then my Son’s homecoming this year to walk one of the girls in his class, oh about $300.00 on that. Prom 2012 in a few months OH about $400.00 on that! That doesn’t even cut it with their academics 100’s of dollars on Beta & ACT etc. The money I am spending with NO help from their father is tough. I should NOT have to ask, he should say, Tina you need my help let me know. That is why I drive a car that has 155,000 miles on it. The day I get it in and it will not start that will be the day I will get a new motor. I could not get a new car if I wanted too, OH wait a minute, both of my ex-husbands destroyed my credit, my bad. Hey at least he can drive a 2011, cause he don’t have to worry about paying for this stuff, just sayin’ I don’t have any problems busting out the Raw Truth none what-so-ever! My daughter and my son are very intelligent their grades are off the charts, thank goodness. Who pays for all of this? Me and their Grandma (my mom) without my mom, I would be up a creek without a paddle. I am very thankful for my mom. Every day that my feet hit the floor, I am giving thanks to my mama!!!! My mom can state this as well as I can. Without she and I, the kids would be sh*t out of luck, trust me. If this isn’t poverty at its finest I don’t know what is, this is the South kind of living, darling. I am the one that goes to school functions. I have proof.  Since the Good Ole Boy System, makes everything disappear, I still have my proof though. This county I live in the corruption just makes me sick at my stomach. I should be able to claim on both kids. Since mom and I spit out hundreds of dollars. I am the one with the poverty income level BTW. Things are so twisted in this county and I can’t get any help at all. So therefore I will put my story on the net and its getting attention that is for sure, it needs attention that’s no joke. Everything that goes on in this county it’s like throwing a blanket on it with that snug tight feeling, if you know what I mean, I deal with some real major bullsh*t it’s like a freaking nightmare. I tell you right now, my second ex-husband better NEVER ever cross my path. I blame him on just about all of this to tell you the truth and his Good Ole Boys. They all can kiss my ass. May Karma zap my second ex to the ground! I have my fingers cross very tightly for that. Through all this I am trying to stay positive and may some kind of justice settle soon. I have been waiting for a long time. I am not going to blog a lie that is one thing I will not do. I will beam myself out of this nightmare. Just sit back and watch. I am very strong willed, very driven and I have confidence that counts when you live at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas. Trust me I know all about it. So, I will continue to blog and lay down the truth nothing but the truth.

Life is Too Short for Bullsh*t

Life is too short to live with turmoil. I have noticed that some of my friends are losing their children and for the most part that I have seen they have just one child. That is so sad. Sometimes I just think what is the purpose of losing someone close to you especially a young child and where does the reason lie upon. Just trying to figure out the reason is an understatement. I can say this much, which has run through my mind lots and lots of time. I know that my life is extremely hard and sometimes it’s unjustifiable because most of this situation was uncalled for. I don’t know what I would do if I lost one of my kids. My daughter will be 17 in a few weeks. In a few months my son will be 15. That would totally kill me, if I lost one of them. My life is a drastic mess I don’t know from one minute to the next what is going to happen to me. That is why I want to leave the South and control this matter. My life is not pretty not by a long shot. I think losing one of my kids would send me over the edge. I could not take that by no means not at all. I would defiantly go ballistic because all the stress that I have to endured on a daily basis and the bullying by a county the (Good Ole Boy System). I would be a dangerous woman. I always think of things like this and my mom. I even think about that too. I am blessed where I am staying and I am extremely grateful for the things that are given to me. There isn’t a day that goes by I am not thankful for, because the next minute it could be all gone. Yes, I have my head on my shoulders I just have a very turbulent life and that drives me crazy and I wish I just had stability I mean just once in my life can I have a steady measure of security and could it be controlled. However I live day by day and that means a lot to me. We really don’t know what the future will bring and maybe that is a good thing not to know, huh?

2012

I hope for a better year. I just have that feeling that it’s going to be a good year. I foresee a lot of things coming to a head and it has been a long time a coming. I know I had to remove myself from different situations over the past year. I think that will make a better outcome for me and my children. Sometimes when you remove junk from your surroundings it will make it easier to breathe. Most of mine were mental that stimulated into unwanted reasoning of despair and agony. I live in a mental abyss very nostalgic yearning for a peace of mind. I have never had stability and control over my life. I always had someone dragging at my heels and controlling every move I made in this lifetime. I am very strong willed and strong minded. I will not be told what to do, because I will fight to my death over that kind of behavior. Sometimes women’s rights are thrown in my face and I am like your point is? A woman’s place in the South is to keep her mouth shut and stand back behind a man. Well this is 2012 and I don’t dig that not at all, however ‘ignorance is bliss’ in the South. I will always voice my opinion and I really don’t care who it pisses off! I visualize a better year in 2012, this is a different feeling that I have ever felt. I think that I have been drug through the gates of hell long enough. I think it’s time for me to have something in life than having it taken away from me. I think that the ones that have caused me grief I think it’s their turn for a little karma pay back. I do believe that it’s time for them to be drug through the gates of hell as well. Something tells me to sit back and enjoy 2012, because it has been a long time coming for me. I hope my gut feeling is right. To be quite honest I don’t know how much more I can take. So here’s to a great year in 2012.

Writing People Off =(

Writing people off and out of your life maybe that’s the best thing a person can do. Well, for my part anyways I think so. When a person gets mentally bashed into the ground on a daily basis, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Get up and get out of a poisonous relationship as soon as possible.  Being mentally broken can cause all kinds of emotional dwellings to the soul. It makes a person just want to run so far away and never come back. I hate to be on a mental roller coaster, it’s not fun at all, and it is a sad thing to live with. As far as my part goes, I am tired of the mental abuse and bullying. When you address the matter, you are the craziest person on earth. Because the other person doesn’t want to see it that way, it’s either their way or no way. I had to remove myself out of a very poisonous relationship and it was among my family very close kin. When I go visit this person, and I wind up crying or distraught by the end of the visit something is very wrong with that picture, it’s very clear to see. The person that is causing the mental distortion knows what is going on and has a smirk on his face. That is sick and twisted, end of story. Something is mentally wrong right there. I had to deal with this sh*t all my life and I refuse to put up with it any longer. My life is pure hell as it is and add more mental bashing and mind games to it. It’s no wonder that I haven’t went off the deep end. I put up with a lot of crap! I am sick and tired of being mentally abused. I will no longer put up with it, hell to the NO! I don’t give a damn who you are! I know most of it is coming from my blogs. Yes, I am very blunt and tell it like it is. I am not stopping being me on that part. I know him and the Good Ole Boy System gets along real good. That’s no secret, I know better. I know what’s up. Yeah better keep her quite. What mental bash me into the ground? This is America baby, ‘Freedom of Speech’ the South you gotta love the South. I am dealing with people that feel like women should keep their mouth shut and stand back behind the man.The mental bashing and mental abuse along with bullying is going right out the door in 2012 I shall no longer put up with that crap. No sir re Bob, I will not. I will be glad when I can remove myself from the South straight to the East Coast baby! That’s what is up; right there is the truth nothing but the truth.

Oh, The Ass End of the World, Arkansas

I am going to rephrase this blog, I scraped my last one. I had some stuff to come up today and I voiced my opinion and I really feel good about it to tell you the truth. Since I live in the Twilight Zone and all, I wish people could see this kind of living, I would so do an interview about this, and I would give my right arm and leg to get this out more into the media. However with me marketing my story like I do and when I see it’s making its way around the world, I have many readers in Russia and Japan; there are many more countries to name to let the truth be known. It makes me happy inside that I make a stance and let people know about the corruption in a small town. How murders are covered up and drug trafficking is going on strong as ever. The cops and informants need a boost in their job to make a better income I suppose. I really love seeing the statistics on my Blog it really makes me happy. I am NOT bashful about voicing my opinion none what so ever. However I am the crazy one, the one that is out of control, if that’s it LOL. I am proud to be crazy. Living in The South and being around the hypocrites of the Bible belt makes me a sane person when I see this, just saying. I have certain family members trying to degrade me and make me feel like a low life. Your stupid and quitter to be exact, however they have more money than God. Here I come along and bust these dumbasses out. Because I am standing on the outside looking in and I see the dysfunctions that are going on, more than meets the eye to be exact, if you know what I mean. A bunch of fake ass people trying to look good that’s all. Oh how loathe fake people. I will be glad to move out of Arkansas, I will never ever come back here. It has to be absolutely dire emergency for me to come back. All I am doing is telling the truth but I am labeled as a crazy person that doesn’t know her ass from a hole in a ground. To me, I don’t let anyone run over me and that makes me a horrible person so be it. I am used to it; I will not change not by a long shot. I am glad some stuff came up today and I voiced my opinion about it and I feel so good inside now. Because I am telling the truth, when living in the South you stand up for yourself, the Arkansas State Hospital is the next place you will land in. It’s a shame that it’s like that though, very sad. When you don’t follow the “The Good Ole Boys’ rule you are disobeying or you have deviant behavior. Your ass will be locked up in the nut house. The movie “Changeling” defines that with a T, in the end, Angelina’s character frees the women. Because they really didn’t need to be there in the first place, they just didn’t take their sh*t, that's all. You got to love the South and the ignorance that comes with it. I am washing my hands away from people as I type this, I have NO use for these types people family or not. I shall NOT put up with it any longer. All I am trying to do is survive until 2016 and get the f**k up out of here. I am hoping and praying that my donation button helps me just to raise enough money to start my business. I will be up and out of here sooner than 2016. I hate the Ass End of the World, Arkansas. I really do, this is a nightmare. I am ready for a change. This is pathetic what I have to go through every day of my life.  I am doing the best that I can in the meantime that’s all I can do. I just need to market my story a little deeper and little harder. I could do a book and movie deal over my life. I would love to sit down with an experienced author. I would in a heartbeat. I see things and sometimes I feel great changes coming in 2012. I can’t wait for a new beginning to take place for me and my kids. All do in respect we need this in the worst kind of way.

         

KISS MY ASS!

Kiss my ass! That is how I will deal with this one, I am so sick of phone calls and how people try to push my buttons. I am having a hard enough time to deal with what I have to deal with anyways. My 1^st X-husband and my 2^nd X-husband has destroyed my life with their finances not getting right with Uncle Sam. One doesn’t want to pay and the other claims when he shouldn’t be claiming. It’s a no win-win situation for me. I hate them so bad, I hope the worst luck for them in 2012 and I will put a spell on both tards, I betcha! I hope Karma comes back and get their ass. But that is beside the point. I had a major fall, I mean a serious one. However I am seeing a touch of light coming my way and that really means a lot to me. Believe me it’s like a blessing of hope. Maybe there is a chance out there that I can better my life once again. But I don’t want calls upsetting me; I don’t want people talking to me about school. My life right now has been ripped away from that and I am trying to find a new option. I would love to finish, I really would. However the little punk bastards that I married once upon a time have done my life in! I am just now maneuvering trying to get my barons’ to cross the bridge that I have been trying to cross for years and years now. I have never in my life seen anything like it, a person like myself trying to DO good and this county and state have their hooks in me, seriously. I am too the point throwing my middle fingers in the air and say f**k it and start doing me! I am so sick of this sh*t, I need a change and I need one real fast. I could do a reality show and have high ratings, here at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas. I could hold the show down like no other!

Dear Highway Patrol..........

I think it is real cheesy how the Highway Patrol does their job. Are they supposed to protect and serve or torment and piss people off? Here a couple weeks ago I had a problem, I am so used to it by now, I do believe. They were everywhere and that was unusual however there was a million dollar bust, now that was a joke, LOL it is what it is, I just go on with it. But one morning I left out for work and that was the day that they were all around, going to work like I normally do. Seatbelt and speed limit. There was this SUV rig that they were driving as I passed by them, I had that deep stare. I normally get that, the look that kills stare. When I was passing by he acted like he was going to get back behind me. He pulled up like he was going to pull out, then I looked in the rear view mirror. I got to the High School he decided to back up into his corner again. Don’t bully me like that, if you wanted to get at me, while I am driving pull me over motherfkker. Don’t be bashful, do your job. I was doing my job driving the speed limit and wearing my seatbelt. However I have this one cop that has a thing for me or just trying to punk me down by bullying me. I gave him an opportunity to say something at a local store I went into, but nothing was said. I am not bashful, if you have a problem let’s announce the situation and work on it. Don’t stalk nor bully me because in the long run it will get you in trouble, trust me! I have serious problems with this kind of behavior. To each its own, but they need to be concern how they do things in this county. Because the rug could very well be pulled up underneath them, just sayin’

POVERTY

Poverty that is understatement especially where I live at the Ass End of the World, Arkansas and do not get me wrong, I live it. Because I know some of you are looking at my pictures. Jay is a great friend and photographer and he does all my work for free. He does that for single mothers. I just want to lay that one out in the beginning. I live in a place where most of the teen girls that are 16-19 are pregnant. They don’t have a clue that there is a world out there than this f**ked up place. They were not taught that and that is sad. Where the mothers and fathers that are addicted to meth and they make their families do without, while they get their next fix. Some these kids go without food at night because of that problem. The only food they receive is during school, how sad is that? Most drink and drive on the weekends hit the dirt roads and most likely there will be fights break out from time to time. You got to love the redneck way of living. I live right in the middle of the gossip town. I can sit on my porch and I could tell you, who is high who is drunk or just down right plain mean. The meth is so bad here, if they did a sting, 80% would go down, yes, it’s that bad here. There’s nothing like the Ass End of the World. I could say it has made me mean as a snake. Because I do deal with a lot of nosy ass bastards and no I do NOT feel sorry for putting them in their places. The living here is horrible. I am thankful for the place that I stay at, however I wish I was back in Little Rock. I was moved out for a while, it so happen that I had to move back. I happen to marry sorry ass men and they can’t get their finances right and it falls back on me because I married the POS’s I will not lie about this not at all. I am living the American Nightmare. I just have that gut feeling that this county will get it soon. I just can’t shake it off. This is very scary living and not a nice atmosphere to raise a family. I would not recommend this area, not by a long shot. It needs to be reshaped and reformed before I recommend living here. Like I stated before, this is Satan’s World. “Corruption at its finest” It’s a sad situation and I am hoping to get out of here soon. I hope and pray that it happens soon but I highly doubt that. I know I will get out it will take time though. I have kids to get graduated and up and out of here. I do NOT want to them to live in Arkansas, there is a world out there and I want them to experience it. I have really smart kids and I know they can do so much better than me; I am just the one that got stuck here. I do not want that for them. I want my kids have a better life than me. I want them to shoot for the stars not have kids at a young age and be like me later in life in a f**ked up situation, I will be doing good to live another good 20 years, how sad is that? But this kind of living will do that to you when you don’t know better. I just have enough guts to say what needs to be said about this county. I am pretty much the only one needless to say. So to me that makes me special, because I have enough intelligence to speak my mind on the World Wide Web. I have marketed it to the fullest for right now but I will go up and beyond more in the future, that is a promise I can keep.

September 17th 2010 TO September 17th 2011 30 BLOGS 1 Year =)

It has been a year, since I went on a mission to get these fktards off my back. It has been quiet around me now somewhat I still have a lot of nosiness going on. It has had its moments to be exact. When I started this I was, not backing down by no means, it very well made me have a mental meltdown for sure; however I was standing my ground. I meant business, it was just a simple in the beginning, ‘just leave me alone’ that is all that had to take place but no, I had to go through hell. I wonder if it was worth it because it has landed on the World Wide Web. I will get my story out that is a promise I can keep. I hope that ‘Karma’ zaps my 2^nd X-husband and his stupid ass brother; I hope she cuts loose on them like no other. All due in respect, these people deserves every bit of punishment that comes their way. As far as the law dogs here, I thought that was cute when they sent underage kids (males) to the house to buy alcohol for them and oh I can’t forget about the underage kids (males) around my daughter’s age, to see if I will sleep with them, oh how sick and twisted was that? People should think about the mentality around here it’s slim to none. I am like, ‘really’ I don’t think so, however nice try bitches, when the sh*t hits the fan, I will be sure to talk about this. It does not matter how much I stay off to myself, but every dog has their day and I will make sure the cops that has f**ked me over will get what is coming to them and that is a promise I can keep as well. Now, NOT all the cops are bad, these cops know who they are and they know what they have done. Helping these low lives out has landed them in trouble needless to say. I am proud of myself to get this out on the net. Since I have gotten my point across, I will be closing this out on my part; September 17^th 2010 to September 17^th 2011 is done. I will bust out a blog if I need too if they start back up. Now I will have a year to do short stories of different occurrences. Like the Wal-Mart parking lot and Killed Front of my Daughters. Names and places will be with-held. However I will get my point across. Here’s to the next chapter in my life.