Here while back I had a run in with an Arkansas state trooper (January 2015). He followed me from Conway to my house then parked in front of my house. I took a picture and turned his ass in to one of the baddest fucking cops in Arkansas needless to say. I am a law abiding citizen. I do not break the rules I know better. I wonder if he thought of my PTSD that I have because of the Conway County cops. They put me through hell for many years until I got ran out of the county then I had to move back. I am dealing with too much shit to deal with a fucking cop like that. That asshole can suck my fucking dick. He does this shit to me one more time I might just fuck him in the ass. I get sick of this crap so bad. I can't wait to move. I need to breathe not choke. I just need to live somewhere so I can be happy again.
Outskirts Press can kiss my ass with their lies and deceit. I loathe that company and their scamming ways. May they rot in hell.
Love, boy that is a very touchy subject for me. You give it your all and get (I don't have a word to describe what I am feeling right now) anyways have it thrown in your face. I was single for many many many years. I did not want to date and have my kids see one man after another come and go in their lives. I protected them from that and waited til they were grown and then search for love again. I gave it up for my kids because I know what that is like and it doesn't feel too good. I knew what I was doing and I don't regret it. I thought I found love and fell hard very hard and crashed and burn, that hurt me like no other. You can't make anyone love you and I don't even try. I thought after many years of being single I wouldn't get burned boy, I was wrong. No matter what lengths you go and burdens you carry because you want it to work out shit can go south one person can't carry all the weight. I always find the ones that are still gugu-gaga over the ex. No matter what, ex is an ex for a reason. If they got back together it wouldn't work because of the past relationships. In each other's minds they will compare themselves to the ones they were living with during the break-up. It will run them nuts and the trust would not be there 100%. Been there done that it's a lost cause move on to something better. Love really sucks and I need to protect myself from it like I did before. Even if my kids are grown still use that excuse. lol they say let it go if it comes back it is meant to be if not it wasn't. I heard enough of that here lately, said no one ever. Love hurts and hurting well I endure enough of that in my life at the moment. I need some kind of relief. I just wish I had trust, loyalty and respect kind of relationship a power couple relationship when we got each other's backs and grow together. I will pray about it and hope for the best. However this one man has got me fucked up to be honest and I still love him so that is that. He is my soul mate but we have to be on the same level. My heart aches over this, I have never experienced this before not in this lifetime I haven't. Totally in love with him.
My future bankruptcy which I believe that is a good choice for me at the moment and I need that reset button in life, God knows I do. I will come back on top in no time. I am throwing in all my debt after the credit is ran. I will get the right lawyer cuz my SL will be a challenge but I will throw that in too I betcha. I got to trust my gut intuition. After my 2nd ex husband I should not want a relationship EVER I should be cured from that shit for the rest of my life. I hope karma lays him and the wife's ass out one day. She's just as disgusting as he is. Pure white trash that are living high on the hog and screwing the system over like a motherfucker. People like that get a good life people like me that obey the law gets fucked in the ass on a daily basis. Maybe I should turn evil as fuck and see if I have a better outcome in life. I am done stick a fork in me.
February 6, 2015
I need 2 fuckitols about 1000 mg each in strength. That should do me justice in the shit hole that I'm in right now. I came to terms with my current situation after talking to a couple people here while back. I really needed their advice because this is my 2nd time in this rodeo ring to be honest. I am going the bankruptcy way I don't see any other way around it. It is what it is and I will have to do what I have to do to save my insanity from this ongoing bullshit that needs to END. You know when your asshole draws up in knot when you check on your check status and hoping, praying really hard, it's not garnished. I put in the hours at work let me tell you, I hustle like a motherfucker and to see my check ripped all to hell I think not. I bucked the system against my ex-husband for as long as I could. I have already paid 8 grand in 4 years and another 8 grand will seal the deal. I think a little more will be added this year. I look back, all the vacations and the high living and high spending, I guess when you don't pay taxes nor child support (His 1st baby mama needs prayers too) I guess you can live high on the hog. However someone sat me down and talked to me about their situation in Greenbrier and I found it quite interesting needless to say. Well when karma comes after them it will be bad and I will do me a happy dance for sure after all the hell I have been through. If I done something like that I would be in the penitentiary with the quickness and they would throw away the key and look straight at me and say, "fuck you bitch, you're gonna rot in here I betcha." I was dealt a bad hand in life and I know how it all goes down with me. So I am doing this blog because I don't give a fuck how well you are known on the Internet I have a quarter of a million followers. I am growing by the day. I am a real person that works like a dog and I am not making tons of money. However Outskirts Press is making tons of money off me and I am not getting one dime maybe 40-50 dollars every 3 months. True Story. Oh the shit that I endure on a daily basis. If this is your first time to read my blog and this is your first entry please read the rest, 5 years worth that I have written. Getting screwed over at its finest but I keep on ticking and take my licking go on like a boss that's how a hustler rolls. I have had people to tell me over the years that it will be like a rise of the Phoenix type situation. I always beg the differ because I didn't see it that way. I see it now with a bankruptcy taking place. I will not let that get me down. It will be like a reset button for me and I will throw my student loans in there too because I can prove hardship. I am queen of hardship and the dumping ground for the dirty little bastards that I have dealt with over the years. I will not let this weaken me I will see this as strength and now I see it as a rise of the Phoenix story. No matter how big you are on the Internet that person might be knee deep in shit and drowning like a motherfucker, always remember that we don't know the whole story about a person, we can't be a judging them either all due in respect we are not God. I believe that everyone lives in hell. It is up to us how we deal with it that is real talk. Mine is coming to a stopping point. Get me a good lawyer in Little Rock and set this shit straight for once in my life. I still have a good heart after all I have been through that there is a blessing in disguise. I am thankful for it too.