Depression sucks ass that is an understatement for me it is. I am going through all kinds of emotions with my 2nd book. My 2nd book is based on my life and I am taking it way back to 1976 to 2011. My memory goes all away back to 1976 and I am really amazed at myself with this book. I have a good memory or someone is with me spiritually guiding me through this like my 1st book. I swear I felt some kind of spiritual guidance with me at that time no joke.
I think that is why my book is so life like because it was MY life that I was unfolding. I have had to deal with so much stuff and I have encountered many things over the years and I am surprise that I am alive and kicking today to be honest. I have dealt with depression all my life but as I write about it my depression is leaving me and it feels so freaking good. I had a block about a couple weeks ago. I just wanted to stay in a cold dark room and not get out just shut everything off, I wanted to quit. I am head strong and I had to fight and fight real hard to escape that nonsense. I can’t afford to do that literally I can’t. I am already in the poor house I did not need to be homeless and depression will put you there in a heartbeat. Because depression is not prejudice at all it will attack anyone that is weak and I refuse to be weak and let this get to me. I have to be strong and move along. I am overcoming things and even if I have to pull out the skeletons that are in my closet so be it. I am dealing with it. I needed to do this.
I know at this time in my life I needed to write these books. I know I will piss some people off and some people will be proud of me either way I am proud of myself and that's what counts. I am conquering these demons that have been weighing me down for many years now. I think to myself so many people thought I was just a stupid little country girl from Wolverton Mountain and I would not amount to a hill of beans, they have another thing coming to them. I am a whole lot smarter than these inbreed assholes and I can’t wait to start on my 3rd and final book.
However my writing has just begun. I will do a book of all books when I get my self-healing writing out of the way. I understand now why I chose the life like I did and I know now how to make my future brighter not darker and if I lose people along the way I am OK with that maybe that is for the best. God is good and he is guiding me in the right direction and it took me nearly 40 years to do it better late than never I suppose. He is an awesome man that is real talk. God knows I am trying and that is all that matters. I am doing right by this some may like it some may not, and the ones that don’t they are the ones that don’t want to hear the truth, end of story.